Responsibility of Parents

Introduction and Setting the Context

0:00 The following sermon was delivered on Sunday morning, September 3rd, 2000, at the Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey.

0:10 May I encourage you to turn with me in your Bibles to Paul's letter to the Ephesians, the book of Ephesians, and chapter 6, and I shall read verses 1 through 9. Ephesians chapter 6, beginning with verse 1. If you children wonder if it's right for preachers in the middle of their preaching to say, Children, get your ears, we have the Apostle Paul doing that in a letter that would be read to the gathered church as he writes, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

0:54 Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. Servants, bondservants, slaves, be obedient unto them that according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart as unto Christ. Not in the way of eye service as men-pleasers, but as servants.

1:34 Or slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with good will doing service, literally with good will slaving, as unto the Lord, and not unto men. Knowing that whatsoever good thing each one does, the same shall he receive again from the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And you masters, or literally you lords, do the same thing unto the Lord. And forbear threatening, knowing that he who is both their Lord and yours is in heaven, and there is no respect of persons with him.

2:18 Now let us again seek God's face for his help as we turn to his word together. Our father, as we come once again to this very privileged part of our worship together, we thank you for the Holy Spirit. We thank you that we have them in abundance, in our own language, in a multiplicity of translations. Thank you that the vast majority of us have been reared in a setting where we were made to learn to read.

2:55 We thank you that we meet here today, unafraid that the doors will be opened and armed men will come in upon us. And we pray that showered with so much privilege, you will help us to bend all of our faculties with eagerness to know what you have said in your word, and by your grace to believe it, and in the strength of the Spirit to obey it. We look to you for that grace, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

3:29 Now I'm quite sure that most, if not every single one of us present here this morning, is conscious that this Lord's Day is part of what is called the Labor Day. The Labor Day is a weekend constituting for many of our fellow Americans the last hurrah of the summer vacation season. And for many of you, this coming week is going to find you back in the classroom, back in the normal patterns and rhythms of your responsibilities as a workman, a wage earner,

4:08 and the various structures of family life which reflect that the summer is past, and it's back to business. Back to the classroom, back to the workbench, and to the office. And so this morning, and again tonight, and God willing, next Lord's Day morning, we're going to look together at the passage read in your hearing, because it contains some of the most helpful principles to be found anywhere in the Word of God with respect to having a biblical mindset concerning this ugly thing called school, and this even more ugly thing called school. And this even more ugly thing in the estimation of many called work and labor.

4:52 I remind you very briefly of the overall setting of the passage read in your hearing. In the opening three chapters of Ephesians, the Apostle, by the guidance of the Spirit, sets out the greatness of our salvation in Christ, its greatness not only in terms of the individual privileges of that salvation, but its greatness in constituting the new humanity, in Jesus Christ, where Jew and Gentile are on equal footing in their union with Christ and in their union one with another. Then starting in chapter four, the Apostle begins to spell out how the people of God

5:34 are to walk in a way that is worthy of this great salvation, that reflects the realities of that salvation in individual life and experience, and in the corporate life and experience of the new humanity gathered under the image of body and church, and as we saw last week, even as part of the Bride of Christ. In chapter four, verses one to sixteen, we have a worthy walk in the fellowship of the body. It is to be a worthy walk marked by unity and the graces that promote unity. A worthy walk within the fellowship of the body,

6:16 in which the special gifts of Christ to the body function for the building up of the body, so that in turn every member of the body will function for the good of the body, and ultimately for the glory of Christ the head. Then starting in chapter four in verse seventeen, the Apostle begins to focus on a worthy walk as it is lived out in contrast to the Gentiles. This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you no longer walk as the Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, darkened in their understanding, etc.

6:55 Not only are we to be concerned about a worthy walk in the fellowship of the body of Christ, but a worthy walk in contrast to the Gentiles, and as we live among the Gentiles, that is, among the unconverted, among the pagans, whether respectable, or not so respectable pagans. And so he then addresses matters of personal ethics in chapter four, seventeen through chapter five in verse twenty-one. And then he begins to take up this worthy walk in relationships where there is a superior and a subordinate.

7:36 And so he addresses wives in subjection to their husbands, and then a word to the superior in rank, not in internal, and essential worth and dignity, but he addresses the inferior, then the superior, the subordinate, and then the one to whom that person is subordinate. And you have three couplets of that, wives, husbands, and then you have children and parents, and then you have slaves and their masters. And it's in that section that we have the passage read in your hearing, and which I want us to consider this morning,

8:15 as I've indicated again this evening and, God willing, next Lord's Day morning. Now as we consider these things, on the very threshold, I want you to notice something that we can very easily overlook, but is crucial in our approach to the passage and in our understanding of what it is to have a worthy walk in relationship to parent-child, child-parent relationships, slave-master, employer, and servant. Employer-employee, employee-employer relationships. And that is the pervasive God-centeredness in the Apostles' treatment of these subjects.

8:59 There are no fewer than four references to the Lord. In each case they refer to the Lord Jesus. Verse 1, verse 4, verse 7, verse 8, the Lord. Two references to Christ.

9:14 Verse 5 and verse 6. One reference to God. Verse 6. And one reference to the Master in verse 9, which is really another translation of the word kurios, Lord.

9:30 So what we have is five references to the Lord, two references to Christ, and one reference to God. And you who are the youngest among us can do a little math and say that's a total of eight references to the Lord. Verse 6. In the midst of telling kids how to relate to their mamas and papas, and pappies how to relate to their kids, slaves to their masters, and masters to their slaves, eight distinct references to members of the Godhead.

10:04 Now what's the significance of that? Well, the significance is this, that if we rule out those things that are embedded in this God-centered perspective, we will not be able to do anything. Verse 7. We are then put in the category of the pagans who live the way they live because of the darkness of their minds, alienated from the life of God, who seek to stagger along in life with their reference points other than those that are found in God.

The Foundation of God-Centered Relationships

10:39 And in a very real sense, as the apostle moves to give this very practical instruction, he is standing upon the cross. Verse 8. Verse 9. And in his bed are three massive granite foundation blocks, and they ooze out.

10:53 They're not there addressed explicitly, though some are close to explicit, but they are there. And what are they? They are these. Number one, the rights of God as Creator and Lawgiver.

11:09 When Paul begins to speak and writes, children obey your parents in the Lord for this great purpose. is right. What ground does he have to be so dogmatic to give a clear directive and say this is right, eternally, universally, unchangeably right? Well, it's because the apostle is standing on this massive granite block of God's rights as creator and lawgiver. In the previous chapter,

11:43 and remember when these epistles were written and originally read, no chapter and verse divisions, he quotes directly from Genesis 2 as straightforward history of God contracting the first marriage. The creation account in all of its details was believed by the apostle. Even the order in which God makes the woman and makes the man, Paul builds a whole theology of an established, hierarchical relationship in 1 Corinthians 11 on the order in which God created the man and the

12:21 woman. And so he can write with such a refreshing, unshakable dogmatism because he is committed to a faith in the rights of God as creator and lawgiver. He goes on to quote a commandment. He doesn't pause to say, well, if indeed and if there is, there is no chance, some sociological consensus that it is good for... No, no, no. He simply says,

12:50 honor your father and mother. Why? This is the first commandment. This is a front-rank commandment and it has a promise attending it. He quotes right from the Decalogue. And he does this without

13:04 embarrassment because the apostle is utterly convinced of the rights of God as creator and lawgiver. He is convinced that God has established the family. He is convinced that God has established the various structures in society and that God as a sovereign Lord overrules those structures even when elements enter as a result of sin. So then, the first granite block on which he stands as he is about to give his instruction is God's rights as creator,

13:42 and lawgiver. Now I know that strange language in our day. Everyone is screaming about individual rights. The pervert says, I have a right to have my perverted marriage, in quotes, legalized by every state in the Union and woe be unto you if you raise an eyebrow. I have a right.

14:07 I have a right. I have a right. Paul begins with this refreshing, clear, effective speech. assertion of the rights of Almighty God, His rights as Creator and Lawgiver.

14:22 Secondly, the second massive granite block on which he stands is the role of God as judge and rewarder. Here in the direction to children, he believes there is a God who will see to it that as an ordinary course there will be a direct relationship between obedience to His commands and the kind of life that will issue. The God who commands gives a promise, and the promise has to do with length of days being the ordinary fruit of obedience to that command. And how is that so?

15:01 Well, it's because God has His role as judge and rewarder, and some of the rewards that He gives to obedience come in this life, and then in His directives to slaves, and to their masters. Notice how pervasive this emphasis is. Verse 8, Knowing that whatsoever good thing each one does, the same shall he receive again from the Lord. You masters do the same thing, knowing that he who is their Lord and Master is in heaven, and there is no respect of persons, which is a direct reference to the basis on which God will judge in the land, and the law of the world.

15:46 So when the apostle writes, he writes as someone standing on these massive granite blocks of biblical truth, God's rights as creator-lawgiver, the role of God as judge and rewarder, and thirdly, the relationship to Christ as Savior and Lord as an all-encompassing reality, and the key to these relationships,

16:17 children, obey your parents in the Lord. There is something that attaches to the Lord. There is a sphere that has to do with the Lord that is not to be ruled out when you children think of obeying your parents. Furthermore, when he's writing to servants, he said, you're to do this, and you're to do it how?

16:44 The end of verse 5, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ. Christ is to be there in the morning when the servant presents himself before his master. He sees the eyes of his earthly master. He is to see in a more encompassing vision.

17:04 He's to see Christ before him, not in the way of eye service, but as slaves of Christ. And then he goes on to say to the masters, you have a master as well as your slaves, have a master. Master, when you call your slaves for their directions in the morning, as you look at your slaves, first of all, look up to your master to whom you are accountable. Now, do you see how it's pervasive?

17:33 It percolates through the whole thing. And that tells us that we are only thinking Christianly when we think with the apostles standing on the same massive granite blocks as our fathers. The rights of God as creator and lawgiver. The role of God as judge and rewarder.

17:56 The relationship to Christ as Savior and Lord as an all-encompassing reality and the key to understanding these relationships. Now, what happens when any individual, when any group of individuals, when any family, when any society says, we can address, we can address these issues of the family, its structure, who should do what and how, and how should they relate. We can address the matters of the whole workplace and what is a proper work ethic and how should those in authority relate to those beneath them. When people say, we will do all of this

18:40 with no reference point in God as creator and lawgiver, in God's role as judge, judge and rewarder and certainly with no relationship to Christ as Savior and Lord, what does God do? Well, when men take away what Jesus called the key of knowledge, God gives men up to reap the fruit of their own folly. As they did not want to retain God in their knowledge, God gives them over. Isn't that exactly what Paul is describing here in chapter 4 and verse 17?

19:18 No longer walk as the Gentiles walk. And what determines the walk of Gentiles? What determines the way Gentiles think about the family, about work, about the employer-employee relationship? Look at what he says.

19:34 In the vanity of their mind, the futility of their thinking, there's something wrong at the root of thought being darkened in their understanding. Understanding. Alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them. Do you see how crucial is this matter of who's got your mind?

20:02 Is your mind shaped by the fact God has rights as creator and lawgiver? God has a role as judge and rewarder. And Christ can be known as Savior and Lord and that's...

20:21 That relationship becomes the key to proper relationships in these two categories. Do you see that? Or am I talking to myself?

The Parental Mandate: Nurture

20:30 And when you read your Bible, folks, look for those things that are assumed. They just kind of float by and many times what is central is floated on these things. Look for them and then pray them in and say, Lord, help me to think in that way. Well, so much then for this lengthy introduction as we consider this this morning.

20:52 We're going to take up the responsibility of parents and then tonight the responsibility of children. And the responsibility of parents can be stated very simply. It is to nurture their children. You say, but Pastor, the text begins with children, not with parents.

21:09 I know. And that's the pattern Paul uses. He takes the subordinate, starts with wives in chapter 5, and then he moves to the one in the position of authority, husbands. He starts with children, then fathers.

21:23 He starts with the slaves and then their masters. However, for purposes that I hope will become clear, I'm inverting my handling of the passage starting with the responsibility of parents which, very simply stated, in its essence, is to nurture their children. Now let's look at the text. The text says fathers.

21:46 But now does this mean fathers exclusively? Fathers primarily? No. The context in the analogy of Scripture makes it clear that while the father has the primary administrative responsibility of the home, it is assumed that their wives are one with them in the task of the nurturing of their children.

22:14 For he has first of all said, children, not obey your fathers, but your parents, mother and father in the Lord. Indicating that both are giving positive, clear, explicit directives to the children. And that the directives are not contradictory, but complementary. And that there is a symphony of assertive, godly direction given by both parents.

22:42 Furthermore, the fifth commandment is not just honor your father, but your father and your mother. Both stand in the place of authority over each other. So you, you are to give to them equal honor. And when we turn to passages that give explicit directions, you have many, such as Proverbs 6.20,

23:04 in which the son, the child, is given a clear directive not only to be obedient to the directives of his father, but also his mother. My son, keep the commandment of your father and forsake not the law. My son, keep the commandment of your father, and forsake not the law of your mother. So I'm stating the responsibility of parents is to nurture their children.

23:32 Now then, we're going to spend the rest of the time seeking to answer the question, what does it mean to nurture? And then secondly, some specific qualifying elements of that nurture.

23:47 You fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them. And here the Apostles, the Apostle uses the present imperative of the Greek word ektrefo. He had used it earlier up there in chapter 5, speaking of Christ, excuse me, of a man nourishing and cherishing his own flesh, even if Christ does the church. Verse 29.

24:14 And the word means to nourish, to nurture, to provide them with what is necessary for their growth and maturation, in a context of intelligent love and concern. In trying to find a good illustration of the use of this word in the Old Testament translation into Greek, there is a wonderful illustration of it in 2 Samuel chapter 12. In the Septuagint, that Greek translation of the Old Testament Hebrew Scriptures,

24:51 and that translation was the working Bible of the first century, Christian church.

25:00 We read in this parable that Nathan gives to David seeking to find a chink in the armor of hardness and insensitivity that David had put upon himself after his sin with Bathsheba and in the murder of Uriah. Verse 1 of 2 Samuel 12. The Lord sent Nathan unto David, and he came to him and said unto him, There were two men in one city, the one rich and the other poor. The rich man had exceeding many flocks and herds, but the poor man had nothing save one little ewe lamb, which he had bought, and here's our word, and nourished up, and had nurtured,

25:43 and it grew up together with him and with his children. It did eat of his own morsel, drank of his own cup, and lay in his bosom, and was unto him as a daughter. Now you get the picture. I mean Mary, had a sweet little lamb, but this man's lamb was sweeter to him than Mary's lamb.

26:04 I doubt Mary's lamb went to bed with her. In the parable of Nathan, he nourishes, he provides everything necessary for this little lamb's sustenance, its growth and development in a context of intelligent love, seeing what the lamb needed, of genuine concern. That's the sense of the word. And the essence of the task of parents is this, to nourish them.

26:32 In other words, parents are to view each child as a divinely entrusted stewardship of nurturing, of seeking to nourish them into a state of adult maturation in which they can take their place in God's world, doing God's will to God's glory by the enabling power of God. God's grace. That's the essence of what it means to nourish, to nurture. And we see it in its use right in this context.

27:08 No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it. He provides for his own flesh what is needful for its well-being, for its growth, for its development, for its health, for its youthfulness. Even as Christ nourishes the church, he provides for it with intelligent, sensitive love, seeking in the language of, chapter 4, that it will come up to its full maturity and stature in union with him, the head. Well, I don't want to beat it thin at the edges.

27:38 You get the feel of what the word nurture means. And since it comes in a present imperative, it is the bottom line, constant job description of every parent with respect to his child or children. Fathers, that is, fathers and mothers, in oneness of perspective and commitment, nurture them. Give yourself to this task of nurturing, and it's your task, it is your stewardship until the time comes when they leave the home and you no longer have that same divine context of nurturing them.

28:17 You may still minister to them and give them counsel and guidance, but it is while they are children under the canopy of your authority that the job description is be, continually at the task of nourishing them. Now then, let's look at some of the specifics of this nurture. Four things in particular are highlighted in the text. What is that nurture like in its particulars?

The Climate of Nurture: Avoiding Provocation

28:45 What ought it to be like? Well, first of all, the apostle has something to say about its climate. What should the climate of that nurture be?

28:56 He says, You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. It is not to be a climate of hostility and an adversarial relationship. You fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. And as surely as the directive comes to the father as the administrative head to do the nurturing, this command comes as clearly to the mother, mother and father, you who are in tandem in this task, do not provoke your children to wrath.

29:33 Now that doesn't mean never do anything that will get them angry. If you never do anything to get your kids angry, you're not nurturing them. There are times you will need to do things that make them angry. But part of your nurture is to show them why they have no grounds to be angry.

29:49 Seek unto God to bring them to see the root of their anger and seek to lead them to repentance and where necessary restitution and restored relationships that have been disrupted by their anger. What the apostle is saying here is do not in your nurturing of them incorporate into the climate of that nurture those things that will unnecessarily provoke them to anger. Or in the parallel passage in Colossians chapter 3, which we must always keep in mind when focusing upon this directive, Colossians 3, 21, fathers provoke not your children, a different word, that they be not discouraged. There must not be a climate

30:33 that provokes unnecessary anger and that takes the spirit out of our children. It is not to be a climate of unreasonable demands. Few things will dispirit a child more quickly or provoke to irritation and anger than when unreasonable demands are made upon the child. When the child's child knows that he or she is doing all within his or her power at the present level of development and simply cannot do what is demanded.

31:09 To tell a two-year-old you must jump over a bar that is set at three feet tall, the two-year-old knows mommy, daddy, I can't do it. And no amount of saying yes you can if you put your mind to it and pressing the issue and pulling rank on your kids, that child will either become angry or become depressed. They will be dispirited because of the unreasonable demands. Furthermore, if you show partiality and favoritism among the children, you will provoke them to anger.

31:40 Kids have an innate sense of fairness. It's amazing. It gets perverted as they get older and learn to see everything through the eyes of putting themselves number one. But young children especially have a sense of fairness.

31:54 And if they see partiality and favoritism, they become angry or they become dispirited. And we violate the injunction as to the climate in which we are to nurture our children. Furthermore, you want your children to become angry? Then be a hypocrite.

32:12 Demand of them what you won't do. You sit there as a couch potato piling on the pounds, wheezing like an old pack horse when you go out to play with your kids and you tell them you've got to be disciplined with your eating, disciplined with your exercise, disciplined in your...

32:28 It gets you and say, you provoke them to anger. Don't do it. With unreasonable demands, with partiality and favoritism, hypocrisy and sham, demanding that they apologize when they have been mean to brother or sister. And then they see you refusing to apologize and own your sin when you've blown your cork to your wife.

32:54 Setting standards that you are not seeking honestly with integrity to keep yourself before your children. Fathers, mothers, don't provoke them to anger. Don't provoke them that they be dispirited when there is injustice and undue severity. Children know when they're getting what they deserve.

33:17 And they know when you've gone beyond what is deserved. You see, it's one thing to master the will of a child. It's another thing to break their spirit. You know the difference, don't you?

33:30 You've seen that dog whose will has not only been mastered but whose spirit's been broken. He sits over in the corner, huddled up. Anyone comes in the room, he just sort of looks up from under his eyebrows. If you call him to you, he comes with his tail between his legs, slinking, head down.

33:49 You might only once seen a dog like that. His spirit's been broken.

33:55 Not only his will conquered, but his spirit broken. When you see that dog whose will has been conquered, but his spirit's not broken. You come in the house and he starts toward you and the master says, sit! And the dog sits down on his haunches.

34:07 But his ears are up, his eyes are on you. He's just waiting for a word. He's all alive. His spirit hasn't been broken.

34:14 His will's been mastered. But his spirit's not broken. You know the difference with dogs? I hope you know the difference with your children.

34:23 Children whose will has been mastered. They recognize the authority of mom and dad and all who are put in authority over them as surrogate mom and dad. They're teachers as those who are put in authority over them as we heard in the previous hour in the civil government. They would never think of mocking a policeman.

34:42 They would not think of disobeying a crossing guard. They've learned to respect authority. But when their spirits have not been broken, they are bright-eyed and eager. And sometimes they exceed the bounds of propriety because they have an alive, ebullient spirit.

34:58 But the moment the voice of authority comes, then you recognize they're down on their haunches. Now the light doesn't go out of their eyes and the twitch may not go out of their tails. Children like that are a delight to me. What's to be the climate of our nurture?

The Scope of Nurture: The Whole Child

35:14 It's to be a climate that does not provoke them to wrath. That's the first thing about the climate. Second, it's scope. What is to be the scope of our nurture?

35:26 Look again at the text.

35:29 And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them.

35:36 Who or what is the them? The them is the children. Well, what is the children? What is the them?

35:45 What is them? Well, them is this mysterious psychosomatic integrated whole thing called my son, my daughter,

35:59 made in the image of God with all the mysterious faculties of a human being. A mind that can think, that can reason, emotions that can feel, wills that choose, physical appetites and capacities and energies, aesthetic sensitivities that can appreciate beauty and be repulsed by ugliness and all of these mysterious faculties that make us what we are as human beings in the image of God. And it is them, nurture them, that is the totality of who and what they are as image bearers of God and

36:44 and , as fallen image bearers in Adam.

36:50 Remember, this epistle describes what we are by nature and it's not pretty. You have been made alive who were dead through your trespasses and sins. Where in time past you walked according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that works among the sons of disobedience. Paul does not paint a pretty picture, but that's them.

37:12 Them is sons and daughters of Adam. Adam by nature nurtured them in the realism of what they are as image bearers in all the mysterious interplay of mind and body of soul and spirit in all of the wonder of what makes them them. Not only nurture them as image bearers, but nurture them as fallen image bearers, marred images of God, but nurture them as salvable in Christ. Nurture them as those who in Christ can come into the new humanity and be part

37:57 of that glorious pride that he will present to himself. And while we do not believe that God has entered into a covenantal arrangement in which he has pledged that all of our offspring shall prove in the end to have been elect, we don't have one verse that says, all of them may not be elect. Not one! Not one!

38:25 Do I pray, Lord, save some of the young people in this assembly? No, I say, Lord, save them all! You put the gospel before them all. You put nurture before them all.

38:36 Lord, would it not glorify you to save them all? And so, to nurture them, thinking about what them is and what them are. I know some of you are catching my gram. I'm deliberately doing it.

38:50 I see the smile on some of your faces. What them is and what them are. Nurture them. Not just a part of them.

38:57 Not the parts that you feel comfortable nurturing. Not the parts that were nurtured in you and so it comes easy to nurturing them. Nurture them. And who's Paul writing to?

39:08 He's writing to people, many of whom were saved out of a totally pagan background. They had no models of Christian moms and dads. They had no example and experience of Christian education in the home or in the institution. They were foreigners to all of us.

39:24 Yet he says, nurture them. Nurture them. The climate is to be one that does not unnecessarily provoke to anger, does not dispirit them. Its scope, it is to be comprehensive, focusing upon all the aspects of the child's being as created, as fallen, and as salvable in Christ.

39:52 And I want to say by way of application, this is where discernment and objectivity is greatly needed among us. This is why with a few exceptions in our context, culturally, societally, most parents are not fully adequate to do on their own all that's involved in nurturing them. That's why those who have chosen the path of homeschooling and homeschooling, for the most part, don't go out and create the curriculum from scratch on their own. They use available materials that have been proven

40:36 in the crucible of a homeschooling context by people who have expertise in the various fields of the educational process. Homeschoolers, am I saying it right? Yes or no? Homeschoolers, am I saying it right?

40:51 All right? Any of you that said de novo, just like nobody ever did it before, I'm going to nurture them. The Bible says I must do it. Nobody else can do it.

41:01 Therefore, homeschooling catalog, I'm going to burn it like it was pornography. No homeschooler conventions. No telephone calls. What did you do with this?

41:09 But no, you all recognize realistically I don't have what it takes in this area. I need a little help here. I need all kinds of help here. That's why whether it's in the homeschooling context, in a Christian school, an institution, what are we doing?

41:27 We're hiring the services of people whom we judge are more competent to impart certain aspects of the nurture. That's what you're doing when you pay your school bill. You're hiring this framework in order to help you fulfill your God-given mandate. And when you enroll your kids in a t-ball league in the neighborhood, what are you doing?

41:51 You're saying part of the nurture, physical exercise, coordination, the dynamics of group interaction in sports. I judge that's going to be good for my son in this area. This will be good for my daughter in this area. So what do you do?

42:06 You don't go out and start your own t-ball league. You use an existing framework to help you do what? Fulfill your mandate. Now, have I said enough to get the specifics there?

42:17 All right? That's what we all do. But this is where honesty and discernment and the input of discerning people is critical because sometimes we don't see the issue in certain areas as clearly as someone else may see it and we should be willing to seek their input. The scope is to be comprehensive, focusing on all aspects of the child's being as created in the image of God, fallen in Adam and salvable in Christ.

The Means of Nurture: Discipline and Admonition

42:51 Third thing about this nurture, look at the means of the nurture. We've looked at the climate, we've looked at the scope, now what about the means? The text says, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. The paideia and the muthesia of the Lord.

43:19 This is a statement of the means. Let's look at them briefly. Discipline, training, the paideia, however you pronounce the epsilon, yoda, diphthong, some pronounce it ice, some pronounce it a, like an eta, paideia. And it means the whole process of training or educating the child, including corporal punishment of various kinds in order to enforce the training.

43:49 One lexicographer has written, it refers to upbringing, training, and instruction chiefly as it is attained by the child. By discipline and correction. Now all of the current theories about the tragic and horrible psychologically damaging effects of spanking notwithstanding Almighty God is wiser than the educators and the social scientists who turned loose a generation of and then sit in their seats of authority and tell us how to do it. If it weren't so tragic it would be like this.

44:31 Laughable. Laughable. God has never changed His word. The means put in our hands within the God ordained structure, the God who created and has given His law, the God who is the judge and the rewarder, the God who has revealed His grace in Christ, this God says here is one major category of means.

44:53 Upbringing and training and instruction as it is attended by discipline and correction and then by admonition and that focuses more upon the verbal elements of the nurture. It refers to training by word by encouragement when appropriate and reproof and correction when needed so that when you boil down the tools of the nurture God says here are the two great categories. Discipline and admonition. Now when you boil down the tools of the nurture and instruction you are now in the

45:38 middle of the nurture and instruction. Now that does not mean we take a simplistic view of the entire nurturing process but these are the means in their fundamental categories and they all have various subsets clearly illustrated in Scripture and validated in human experience. Parents say oh Lord here is my job description you have given me a stewardship of nurturing them and them is all of them in the totality of what them is as image bearers as fallen as salvable in Christ oh God how do I go about

46:23 the task God says here is how you go about it in a framework of discipline and you must wisely in dependence upon God with your nose stuck in your Bible with your ear attuned to the input of wise and experienced parents and educators who are standing on those same foundation blocks when they think about the nurture of the child and you are prepared to absorb and learn and be exhorted and entreated and instructed as you seek by those means of heaven but now fourthly look at the context of the whole the context of the whole we have looked

The Context of Nurture: Of the Lord

47:08 at the climate we have looked at the scope we have looked at the means now what is to be the context the text says you fathers nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord of the Lord the whole educational nurturing process is to be found in a setting in a context that can be described of the Lord and much could be said about that but in my reading and reflection I believe I came across a statement that says it as succinctly yet comprehensively and accurately as any I have ever found it is from

47:52 Charles Hodges commentary on Ephesians and he writes as follows that is explaining this phrase the whole process that the Lord prescribes and which he administers so that his authority should be brought into constant and immediate contact with the mind heart and conscience of the child it will not do for the parent to present himself as the ultimate end the source of knowledge and possessor of authority to determine truth and duty this would be to give his child to urge and communicate everything on the abstract ground of reason for that would be

48:37 to merge his child into nature it is only by making God God in Christ the teacher and ruler on whose authority everything is to be believed and in obedience to whose will everything is to be done that the ends of education can possibly be attained that is a profound statement it is infinite folly in men to assume to be wiser than God or to attempt to accomplish an end by any other means than those which God has appointed parents children children children

49:21 children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children children

50:01 the floor and says, son, this scrub brush does not get into the corner, but God sees the corner. Wrap the rag around your finger and dig the dirt out of the corner. That was nurture that was of the Lord. You see? She didn't detach the dirt in the corner from

50:25 the Lord in the mind and in the soul of her son. Son, God sees the corner as much as He sees the center of the floor. Nurtured me in a view of work in which the Lord was sent.

50:44 I'm not talking about the times when my mom and dad sat me down after everyone went to bed. The neighbors had squealed on me. Think of it, kids. I was brought up in a time when your neighbors squealed, your parents believed your neighbor and whomped you behind until you told the truth, and then when you told what you did, they whomped you for doing it.

51:02 And they brought the word of God to bear on both whompings. Yes. And I'm talking about the times when the neighbors said that Sonny had run on their lawn. I was Sonny until I was 20. Sonny ran on their lawn, and Sonny was heard cursing. Whenever we went to bed

51:18 and they'd say, Sonny, we want you to stay behind. I knew what was coming. I'd been caught. It's something I shouldn't have done. And never did they simply deal with my sin. They

51:29 said, now, Sonny, you know why those words come out of your mouth? Because you've still got a dirty heart. And they'd bring the gospel to me. They were correcting me in the nurture of my heart. And that I would be sure that my sins would find me out. How often, when

51:48 I thought I'd covered something very effectively, my mother would say, Son, God has a way of letting parents, praying parents know what their children are doing. That was nurture of the Lord. Nurture of the Lord. See, that's what he's talking about. So that his authority,

52:05 his word, his perspective is brought to bear upon the whole process that is unnurturing them. He has something to say about every department. What makes them who and what they are. And we are to nurture in the chastening and the admonition which are of the Lord, in whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and of knowledge.

Application to Parents: Primary Responsibility

52:30 Well, that's a brief exposition of the duty of parents. Now, I want to bring some applications that I hope will be very relevant and helpful as it's back to the classroom for you kids and for many of you back to school. Back to the structures of home in which the nurturing of your children will have a very dominant place in the ordering of the hours of each day. I want to bring a word to parents.

52:57 If you are thinking biblically, you will never, never think of the nurture of your children as the responsibility of the state, the church, or even the Christian school. Simple statement, but I want to repeat it. If you are thinking biblically, you will never, never think of the nurturing of your children as the responsibility of the state, the church, or even the Christian institution. It is fathers, with the enlightened cooperation of their

53:36 wives, who bear this responsibility. The state may say we want to arrogate it to ourselves. Mrs. Clinton's, it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to go to a church.

53:51 It's just a fancy way of saying the state is God and the state will mold your child into a perfect little secularist that will approve of abortion upon demand, that will approve of every form of sexual perversion, that will approve of everything that's been exemplified in the highest places of the land in recent years. But we as parents must say no. Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's and to God the things that are God's. And God has laid that stewardship of the nurture upon you as a parent and not upon the state.

54:34 He's not laid it upon the church. The church has responsibilities to the children and young people that come within its orbit. I have responsibilities to try to preach in a way that these kids, when they hear, ah, preaching's passe, they'll be able to say, not on my account it isn't. Our pastor, he preaches to us.

54:54 But the primary responsibility of their nurture is not here. It's not with the state. And if you choose to hire the facilities of the Christian school and its staff to supply certain aspects of the nurture, you don't relinquish the primary responsibility when you drop them off here at 160 Changebridge Road.

55:16 No. It is your responsibility. Now, the means that you employ to fulfill any specific aspect of that nurture is a matter of parental judgment within the principles of the word and the particulars of God's providence.

55:39 I'm going to read that again because that was hammered out thoughtfully, word by word, and I don't want to trust my memory. The means you employ in the fulfilling of any specific...

55:49 Now, part of that nurture is a matter of liberty and parental judgment within the orbit of the principles of the word and the particulars of God's providence. For example, you want to nurture your children. One of them shows a chronic physical problem. Standard medical tests reveal nothing.

56:15 You can't get to the bottom of it. The child doesn't gain weight. It's listless. So what do you do?

56:21 You do some responsible investigation. You say, well, maybe it's a problem of some fundamental dietary nutritional deficiency. You find not some quack pointing his finger and damning all standard medicine to the pit while he or she makes millions on their alternate product. I get sick and tired of it.

56:42 Because once you buy any products or use the services of alternate medicine, then they glut you with all of their damned and ordinary medical profession. I'm not ready to do that. I'm alive, humanly speaking, and so is my wife, because of standard medicine with God's blessing. But you seek out a good nutritionist.

57:03 And some would say, uh-oh. Before God, you say, no, I must investigate this. This is your stewardship in nurturing your child's physical well-being. And therefore, within the principles of the word, and according to God's providential provisions, you may secure the health of a nutritionist.

57:21 To nurture them physically. You may secure the health of an accomplished musician or group of musicians to develop an aesthetic and an artistic talent in your child to learn to play the piano, the violin. They may join a Yamaha class. What are you doing?

57:37 You're not giving up the nurture. You're employing the providentially provided means that falls within the order of biblical principles to nurture that aspect of your child. And so right across the board, you're not giving up the task. When you secure this, this one, or that one, or this structure, no.

57:58 And as we do that as parents, hear me now, there should be no sinful judgment of each other in our choices. Romans 14, 9 to 12. To his own master, a servant, stands or fall, who are you to judge another man's servant? You see Mrs. Jones taking little Johnny to a nutritionist,

58:20 and you start saying, oh, they're one of these wacko alternate medical people. Look at them. Don't do that. That's violating God's word.

58:29 If you get facts that you believe they've gone after some wacko alternate medical, you go to them. If your brother be overtaken in the fall, you that are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness.

58:42 When it was known that I had prostate cancer, I had people sending me letters in bottles of saw palmetto, saying, I know I had an uncle, he was in the hospital, and he had prostate cancer, and he started taking saw palmetto, and he's been cured, brother. Take this. Don't go into hospital. They meant well.

58:59 But I lovingly tell them they're off base. Now they choose not to listen to me. That's their problem. So we must have a climate in which we don't judge one another.

59:10 There must be no carnal competition with each other. No irritating friction between us, but a climate of confidence in each other's integrity. Love believes all things. Sitting under the word, can we believe, all of us who are parents, that each of us, with all of our faith, can we believe all of us who are parents, is seeking under God to nurture our children in the best way we know how, in all the departments of their nurture, within biblical principles and God's providential provisions.

59:43 Some simply can't afford to use the services of a Christian school. They choose to homeschool. A child may come to a place in his development where they believe with all their heart. The best thing that can happen to them is to put them in a secular institution, for some of the advanced years.

60:01 Let's not stand in judgment of one another. Let's not have carnal competition or irritating friction. I want to get specific. There are times when I have been in the presence, thankfully none here, I can say that honestly, but I've been in the presence of homeschoolers who I discern almost hope that people who use a Christian school and who use a secular school, that their kids will actually turn out rotten so they can prove their case.

60:27 See, my homeschool kids, look at them. Perfect little sons. I've seen people who use a Christian school almost wish that the homeschooler kids would turn out social wackos so they can say, oh, they didn't get normal socialization. Look at them, they're odd.

60:43 What a horrible thing. What a horrible thing. I say I've not seen it here, but I don't trust old Adam. Hmm?

60:56 Maybe an ounce of prevention would be worth a pound of cure. You who have chosen, at any point or for the whole, more formal, structured nurture, of your children in various departments to do it at home, believe your brothers and sisters are doing it another way with as good a conscience as you have. And you who have chosen another way, don't judge your homeschooling fellow believers in this place. If you perceive in a spirit of love and openness deficiencies, no matter what our framework or combination is, let's deal with one another as brothers and sisters and keep open lines of communication

Application to Children: Understanding Parental Motives

61:38 sharing with one another our concerns, sharing and praying for one another as we seek to perform this ominous and yet wonderful task. That's my word to you parents. Then I want to bring a word to you children. Kids, did you ever wonder why in the world mom and dad are everlastingly, relentlessly, constantly observing all you do and all you say and lovingly and patiently and sometimes repeatedly repeatedly harping on the same things over and over and over again.

62:14 You ever wonder why they do that? Mom takes you by the ear and says, son, your socks don't belong on the floor, your dirty underwear belongs in the hamper, put them there. Lo and behold, the next morning you go out for school, she's got to take you by the ear. Why does she do that?

62:30 Now, do you really think your mom has just sort of got a nice, not a nice, an ugly mean streak and says, well, who can I be mean to today? I'll be mean to my son, I'll grab his ear. Why do you think mom and dad? No, you don't answer the phone that way.

62:43 You don't say, hello. You answer it this way. Hello, this is Johnny speaking. Who is speaking?

62:49 How may I help you? Oh, what? That's the way. Why?

62:53 Because that's the way you glorify God in your speech. That reflects that you respect those that call you. God wants us to honor and respect one another. It's training, nurture of the Lord.

63:04 You've got a kid that's a natural couch potato, sit for hours and read and never get necessary physical exercise. You've got to drive that child. That kid could do something physical. You've got another one.

63:15 He'd be out playing ball till 11 o'clock at night if you let him. You've got to drag him and sit him down for him to sit for half an hour and read a book is like going into a dungeon and being tortured for a day. Now, why does mom torture you, make you sit and read? Why does mom shove you off your couch and get you out and do some yard work?

63:34 Why are they spending the time to labor with your lessons at your home school and subject themselves to all kinds of disciplines that if they try, if they chose another path, they could be doing a lot of other things they might enjoy. Why are they doing this? Come on, kids. Get on.

63:50 Why do you think dad's out busting his hump, facing the traffic that some of our men face to commute to work, some taking on side jobs, moms taking on side jobs in order to pay their Christians? Why do you think they're doing all this? You think they get some jollies out of this, kids? Come on.

64:06 Get on this, kids. Why do you think they're doing this? You know why they're doing it? Because they want to obey God who said they've got to nurture you.

64:13 And they've got to nurture you in a context that is of the Lord. And they can't go to bed at night praying, God, save my son, save my daughter. Lord, get hold of them and make them useful in your kingdom. They can't pray that.

64:28 And then be indifferent to your nurture because they know that's the means God will use. That's why they do it, kids. When you start into school this week, don't you go grousing. And don't you get irritated when mom gets on your case about doing your homework.

64:45 And when your teachers are patient with you to help you through a difficult... You be thankful.

64:51 Do you realize what an elect among the elect you kids are? Think of the millions of kids going into so-called schools this coming week who will be taught they're nothing but animals. That there is no God looking down upon them. No hell or heaven to be gained or shunned.

65:14 There is no absolute standard of right and wrong. What are these kids going to do when what they are in Adam begins to stir within them? And there are no biblical boundaries, no biblical light to educate their consciences. Why did God put you in a home where mommy and daddy are committed to nurture you, to prepare you for all that's good in life and for heaven itself?

65:44 Come on, kids, in your heart, why do you think they've done it? Do you remember that? You look mommy and daddy in the eye and say, mom and dad, there are times I chafe and I don't like the pressure, but I thank you for being committed to nurture me. That's why they set rules and standards.

66:06 They don't want you to go to hell at breakneck speed with no foot on the brakes. Because that's where you'll go if left to yourself. Now, if they put their foot on the accelerator and determine to go against all your warnings, against all your training, against all your nature, your nurture, at least you'll pillow your head at night a broken heart, but a clear conscience. That to the best of my light and ability, I sought to nurture them in the chastening, in the admonition of the Lord.

Application to Delegated Nurturers and Unconverted

66:39 That's my word to you children. Then I want to have a word very quickly to all who have any delegated function in the nurturing process. You school teachers and administrators see yourself functioning under the umbrella of Ephesians 6-4 in the midst of all the nitty-gritty of getting up lesson plans and for you, Doug, administering the faculty and putting together the curriculum and Mr. Burkett and all the rest periodically say to one another, our working framework is Ephesians 6-4.

67:15 We're cooperating with parents committed to nurture them and we share that vision and burden and any deposit of stewardship that is shared with them, we are determined to work together with one mind, one vision, one heart, with the same end. Yours is a noble task. God help you to keep your vision clear and God help you, administrators and teachers, amidst the slog of the day-by-day pressure of living with someone else's kids. Remember, it's a noble task and seek under God to be a monument of what you hope they will become.

67:55 Let them see in you a bright, cheerful, vital, vibrant Christianity. The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. And then I have a word in closing. For you who are unconverted, you probably sat here this morning and say, well, there are times when I wonder where that man has got all his marbles, but this morning I'm convinced.

68:24 He's telling us you can't go anywhere and learn your multiplication tables and learn your basic American history and European history and learn your algebra and your calculus and learn how to construct sentences and create term papers. Sure, we can do all of what God has to do with all of this, my friend. All of that, all of that will not begin to give you the key to who you are, why you're here, and where you're going when you die. And you could master every single science and discipline from the human standpoint, but in none of them individually nor in all of them combined will you find an answer to this question,

69:08 what do I do with my sin? Where do I go when I die? How can I be prepared to die? Those are questions you may push to one side now, but if God spares you and lets you come to a deathbed, you'll be asking Him then, what a blessed thing, what a blessed thing to know that what Proverbs tells us, Solomon tells us, the fear of the Lord is the chief part of knowledge, but fools, fools despise wisdom and understanding.

69:44 God calls you a fool if you think all of this is foolishness, because the sum total of all we've been talking about really is what does it mean to rear children in the fear of God? That God revealed in Christ is the fundamental reference point of all that is going in to the nurturing process. May God help you to seek the Lord, seek Him while He may be found, call upon Him while He's near. Now I know I can't preach longer than I normally do, and if that's caused hardship on any, I apologize, but a future generation is at stake, dear people, and back to the classroom means back to a noble enterprise.

Concluding Prayer

70:25 May all of our hearts be engaged in the light of God's Word. Let's pray. Our Father, we're so thankful that Your Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our pathway, and You know that our hearts are pained, and we're deeply grieved when we think of all that is being spewed out in the name of education. And we are thankful that in the midst of all that is so grievous, You have brought many in our generation to the place where they do desire to nurture their children in that chastening and admonition

71:09 which are of You and through You and unto You. And we pray that as many in this building today give themselves afresh to that noble task in very concentrated ways in the framework of the coming school year, we pray Your blessing will come down upon us all in copious measures that each of us who has some part in the nurturing of this rising generation may rise to the occasion with joy and alacrity and give whatever we have in the way of gifts and talent that we may endeavor to bear one another's burdens, support one another in this endeavor. We plead with You

71:53 that Your blessing will rest upon us. Give to the children who have such nurture a heart to love it, to thank You for it, to profit from it. O Lord, may they not look back in years to come and recognize that they played the fool by despising that wonderful blessing with which You've surrounded them. We look to You and trust You to hear and answer our prayers in Jesus' name.

72:19 Amen.