The Righteous Use of the Tongue #3

Introduction: The Tongue's Power and Parental Responsibility

0:01 How not to foul up the training of your children. This is cassette number 24 in a series given by Pastor Albert N. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on July 21st, 1991.

0:16 While others are finding their places to set our ongoing study in the book of Proverbs in a broader biblical context, let me read in your hearing what I trust are familiar words from the epistle of James, the book of James, and chapter 3.

0:44 For in many things we all stumble. If any stumbles not in word, the same is a perfect man able to bridle the whole body also. Now, if we put the horse's bridles into their mouths, that they may obey us, we put an instrument weighing a pound or so into the mouth of an animal weighing eleven hundred pounds, and we control the whole beast, having controlled his mouth. If we put the horse's bridles into their mouths, that they may obey us,

1:26 we turn about their whole body also. Behold, the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by rough wind, yet...

1:35 are turned about by a very small rudder. Whither the impulse of the steersman wills, so the tongue also is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a forest fire is kindled by how small a match. And the tongue is a fire.

2:02 The world of iniquity among our members is... The tongue, which defileth the whole body, and sets on fire the wheel of nature, and is set on fire by hell.

2:17 For every kind of beast and birds, of creeping things and things in the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind. But the tongue can no man tame. Now, surely, in the light of the truths penned by the Spirit of God through James, it should not surprise us that when we turn to the inspired book of parental instruction, not the exclusive book, but in a very unique way, a rich deposit of instruction concerning parental responsibility, namely the book of Proverbs, it should not surprise us that no issue receives

3:01 more frequent and repeated emphasis than does the issue of... So, in our continuing studies, this being study number 23, on how not to foul up the training of our children, we come to our third study of the fifth area in which we must seek constantly to nurture our children by means of godly parental admonition.

3:31 And that area is in the righteous use of their tongues. And we have...

3:36 Stated the premise this way, parents must consistently and repeatedly admonish their children concerning the righteous use of their tongues. And according to James, if they gain some mastery here, mastery in any other area will be relatively easy. That's the great emphasis among others there in James chapter 3. So thus far, in going through, not exhaustively, but picking out the most pivotal texts, we have come to chapter 18 or through chapter 18 in Proverbs.

Honesty, Integrity, and the Consequences of Lying (Proverbs 19-21)

4:17 And now this morning, we pick up at chapter 19 and I am determined to complete the study this morning. And I can't do that without a lot of fiddling, but I was going to set the alarm on the clock. But please, if it gets to half past and I'm still running on, any one of you has liberty, to go like this, will you? Now, I'm serious because I'm looking at your eyes, so signals that don't get up but your eyes, I won't see.

4:45 And just like the basketball player with 13 seconds left and the other team has scored and they have three points behind, the moment they gain possession, they stick their hand up under the ref's nose. You stick your hand up and I will not be offended. I will appreciate your helping. Now, if you start doing that at 25 after, I'm going to ignore you.

5:04 Please give me... And according to the...

5:07 Watch in the pulpit and my watch on my arm, it is exactly 9.42 and 40 seconds. So, we can coordinate and at least give me a minute's grace if you have any doubt. All right?

5:19 Let us then begin in chapter 19 as we continue this survey of the kind of parental admonition we ought to give our children with respect to the righteous use of their tongues. Chapter 19. And verse 1. Better is the poor that walks in his integrity than he that is perverse in his lips and is a fool.

5:49 Now, once again, we meet the fool in Proverbs. And only occasionally does it refer to someone who's acting stupidly or who lacks in the ordinary measure of gray matter. The fool in Proverbs is generally the perverse, wicked man. Now, hear a contrast.

6:07 Here's a man who because of integrity but in the context with Hebrew parallelism it is obviously integrity in the use of his mouth may remain in a relative state of poverty. Honesty in his job brings him into a relative state of poverty. Honesty in his business dealings. Honesty in his relationship to his neighbors.

6:36 He remains a relatively poor man as he walks in his integrity and yet Solomon says such a man is better than he that is perverse in his lips. That is, who's willing to shave the truth in order to gain personal advantage thereby showing himself a moral and ethical fool. A perverse man with perverse lips. And we must seek to ingrain in our children that honesty is the best policy though it may not lead to the greatest of all.

7:09 The greatest increase of material wealth. There is something of greater worth than things and money. And to be able to know that one's lips speak the truth in all of one's dealings with one's fellow men and to have a good conscience there is nothing shameful of being found in the class of the poor if one walks with integrity particularly in the use of his tongue. Now, verses 5 and 9 of the same chapter.

7:43 A false witness shall not be unpunished and he that utters or breathes out lies shall not escape. So important is this concept that we have a repetition with a different last part of the verse. A false witness, verse 9, shall not be unpunished and he that breathes out lies shall perish. Here we must learn in our admonition to threaten our children.

8:17 You will damage their psyches. Will you? Not so, Solomon. Here he is threatening his son.

8:29 He is saying that if you take the place of a false witness whether in a formal position where you are called upon to bear witness of the sin of another in a legal court structure, or whether talking to a friend supposedly bearing witness to truth what you've known and heard, it's not hearsay, but you are in the role of a false witness, mark it, son, mark it, my dear daughter, you will not be unpunished. If mommy and daddy find out about it, you're going to be punished by us. If we never find out about it, you'll be punished by God who hates liars. A false witness shall not be unpunished and

9:11 he that utters lies shall not escape. You may escape mommy and daddy's knowledge, you may escape the knowledge of your teacher when you lie and when you cheat and all the rest and bear false witness that this is your work. When it's not, you've picked it off the page of the student next to you. Mark it well, my son or daughter, you will not escape.

9:33 You cannot escape. God will settle accounts. Verse 9, even more frightening, a false witness, shall not be unpunished and he that utters lies shall perish. Are you rearing your children with a conscience that is becoming honed to a razor sharp edge with the consciousness that to be a false witness is to invite the sure, the inevitable judgment of almighty God.

10:07 And this is pure, holy threat. And you must rear your children not only by appropriate encouragement and positive incitement to the good, but by sanctified, holy threats that the way of evil is the way of destruction. Now we come to chapter 20 and verse 19, a very, very pivotal text and the principle we must seek to bring home to the consciences of our children. He that goes about as a, a tale-bearer reveals secrets.

10:44 Therefore,

10:46 company not with him that opens wide his lips. Here is a two-pronged exhortation. On the one hand, it is an exhortation to learn how to keep a secret and on the second, it is to avoid those who don't know how to keep secrets. Why?

11:08 Because you'll end up being like them. There is this, this element that we saw in a previous major category of godly admonition. Namely, we must seek to have our children recognize those who would be instruments of moral contagion and to avoid them. Here is a passage in which Solomon is telling his son, he is telling us all that we must be selected in our company with reference to how they use their lips.

11:42 And if you're around someone who can't keep secrets, he opens wide his lips, everything he knows, he spills out. Don't keep company with him. You mean I'm to instruct my children on how to socially ostracize their peers? Yes.

12:01 Well, they'll be accused of being holier than thou. That's right. They'll be accused of being snooty. That's right.

12:08 And when people find out that you have sought to hone their conditions accordingly, they're constantly going to be accused of thinking your kids are better than everybody else's. That's fine. Be prepared for it. That's suffering for righteousness' sake.

12:23 But you must bring to bear upon the consciences of your children the truth of verse 19. There is an unconscious imitation of one child to another and alas, because of reigning sin in the heart of every child who's not yet converted and remaining sin in the heart of one who may be converted, there is always the pull from the evil companion and his influence upon even the righteous one. So we must teach our children this great principle. Verse 25.

13:02 It is a snare to a man rashly to say it is holy and after vows to make inquiry. What's he saying here? Well, someone is going to take a common object and give it to a man and give it to God, set it apart to the service of God and that made it holy. Here's a book.

13:19 I dedicate it to God and his special service. It is now a holy book. Now, that doesn't mean that the Spirit of God percolates through the pages and purges out any influence from sinful people who've held it. No.

13:32 The primary concept of holy in the Old Testament is something set apart for the service of God. In the New Testament, it's people set apart for the service of God. So, what he's saying to his son, to his pupil, is this. It is a snare for a man rashly, quickly to say, oh yes, I'm going to dedicate this to God.

13:54 And then afterwards, he reflects, says, oh, wait a minute. Did I really want to do that? In other words, you are to admonish your children to do caution before they make commitments in matters of sacred dedication to God. You must instruct them to count the cost, to weigh carefully what is involved in the world.

14:15 In making those spiritual commitments which bind them to those commitments by the God who takes vows seriously. This is part of our responsibility to our children. Then chapter 21 and verse 6. Now we come back to the emphasis upon lying again.

14:36 The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a vapor driven to and fro by them that seem to be seeking death. Now the assumption of the text is that it is possible in God's universe for God to allow people to get a treasure by means of a lying tongue. In other words, the problem of Psalm 73. The wicked do prosper.

15:04 And there are people who have come into great wealth by means of a lying tongue. But, the writer to Proverbs says, it is a vapor driven to and fro by them that seek death. When treasure, when things, material possessions mean enough for you to gain them by selling the truth, you are pursuing that which is like a vapor. God may sovereignly remove it just as quickly and what you are really seeking is not any abiding treasure.

15:36 You are seeking death. To seek treasures at the expense of truth is to seek death. And you must tell your children that. Tell them it is no shame to seek death.

15:46 As I have many times said to go to school with knickers that shows how old I am that had very neat patches in the knees. My mother could patch and repatch clothes like nobody I ever saw. And I never felt ashamed to show up at school with patch knickers because I knew the knickers were honorably gained by my father's honest employment. And I was never ashamed.

16:16 We were what people would now call borderline cases for welfare. But we never felt ashamed of our threadbare rugs, our threadbare couches, and our patch knickers. Never, never, never ashamed. Why?

16:33 Because what we had came in the way of integrity. And we knew that we were in the way of life.

16:41 Can you rise up and say that of your parents? You say, alas, I can't. All right. Will you break the chain then of the vicious pattern?

16:50 And will your children rise up and be able to pay tribute to you in this area? The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a vapor driven to and fro by them that seek death. Verse 23, the same chapter. Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue, that is, guards its exercise or their exercise, keeps his soul from troubles.

17:18 And you say to your children, would you keep out of trouble? Would you avoid falling into a ditch? Would you avoid falling through thin ice and drowning? Would you avoid being struck by a car by crossing at the wrong place and not looking both ways?

17:34 Would you avoid trouble and heartache and death itself? Well, God says, with reference to the use of your tongue, if you learn to cautiously guard your mouth, and your tongue, you will guard, you will keep your soul from troubles. Verse 28, God knows how thick we are, a false witness shall perish, but the man that hears shall speak so as to endure. Again, the threat that comes if you get into a pattern of being a false witness and lying, you will inevitably perish.

18:19 You see, this return to the world, this return to the world, this return to the world, is a repeated emphasis upon lying. And I thought it would encourage you, I'm trying to see what we can do to get this little Hymns for Children by Isaac Watts reprinted. Marvelous little book with hymns on many of the subjects in Proverbs. Listen to the one against lying.

18:40 Oh, tis a lovely thing for youth to walk betimes in wisdom's way, to fear a lie, to speak the truth, that we may trust to all they say. But liars we can never trust, though they should speak the things that's true. And he that does one fault at first and lies to hide it makes it two. Have we not known nor heard nor read how God abhors deceit and wrong?

19:15 How Ananias was struck dead, caught with a lie upon his tongue? So did his wife Sapphira die when she came in and grew so bold as to confirm the wicked lie that just before her husband told. The Lord delights in them that speak the words of truth, but every liar must have his portion in the lake that burns with brimstone and with fire. Then let me always watch my lips, lest I be stuck to death and hell, since God a book of record reckoning keeps for every lie that children tell.

Seeking Truth and Discretion in Speech (Proverbs 22-23)

19:58 Encouragement, warning, threat, it's all there. A wonderful distillation of the whole emphasis in the book of Proverbs. Now then, chapter 22. And here in chapter 22, just one paragraph, 17 to 21.

20:18 Incline thine ear and hear the words of the wise and apply thy heart unto my knowledge. Here's that emphasis upon admonishing our children to be inquirers, diligent seekers after truth and knowledge. For it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within thee, if they be established together upon thy lips. What really gets within will be found upon the lips, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.

20:53 That thy trust may be in Jehovah, see the emphasis of the fear of God. I have made them known to thee this day, even to thee have not I written unto thee excellent things of counsels and of knowledge to make thee know the certainty of the words of truth that thou mayest carry back words of truth to them that send thee. What does he say? He's saying, I'm taking all of these pains and making all of these efforts and continually admonishing and exhorting you to listen to my words to the end that they may be so rooted in your heart as to be constantly found upon your lips that when you have

21:36 independent responsibility to speak, words of truth may be carried by you to others. What a marvelous goal to have for our children that when we lie rotting in our graves, if God spares them, we know that any who come in touch, with their wife, husband, son, daughter, work associates, people in the marketplace, they will know that words of truth are established upon their lips. All right, chapter 23 and verse 9. Here, we have to instruct our children concerning the fact that sometimes even though they have something

22:21 true and good and right to say, it's wrong to say it. Do not, speak, in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of thy words. One of the most difficult things to teach our children. They have a before experience and knowledge of the word of God and knowledge of their own hearts and men, all the things that make up that pool of accumulated wisdom that comes over time in the heart of a true child of God or even in the heart of a non-Christian who, in common, is a man of grace, is given some insight to reality.

23:01 It is so difficult for children. They have a sense of, well, surely if it's fair and right, everyone will see it. And we have to teach them that there are people whom God calls fools. That is, who are so full of self-opinionated perspectives, so full of pride that the only one who's ever going to get anything through to them is God in the day of judgment.

23:25 Nobody's going to tell them, nobody's going to tell them nothing till God stands them before His bar and He talks and they shut their mouths and they listen. They're fools. They've shown themselves to be fools, so set upon a course of sin and evil that only God Himself in the day of judgment will be able to tell them anything. Now, when you meet such a person, Solomon says, speak not in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the wisdom of God.

23:59 So what does he say? He says, I will despise the wisdom of your words. The New Testament parallel, cast not thy pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot and turn again and rend you. He tells you old snorty in the barnyard, wallowing in his mud, come here, I've got some beautiful pearls.

24:17 And you come waddling over and you throw the pearls down before him, he thinks you're throwing stones at him. So what's he do? He charges you and in the process tramples the pearls into the mud. That's exactly the figure of speech Jesus is using.

24:28 He says, as you see. See, again, these people don't like raw, earthy, barnyard illustrations. Well, you've got a problem with Jesus. He used them.

24:40 He talked in a Jewish context. The very word swine would make them get the goose bumps and want to barf.

24:47 Swine! Unclean animal! And in that context, Jesus said, don't cast your pearls before swine. Lest they trample them under feet and they turn again and rend you.

25:01 Your children must learn that because they see a situation where moral wrong is being done or where it's obvious what one of their friends is going to do is stupid, it's unbiblical, it's unwise, it's self-destructive, they must learn that it is not their responsibility to be the Lord's chief high corrector of everybody in every set of circumstances at all times. Some of us as young Christians had to learn that. I marveled that I didn't get beat up or had an approach lit. I used to go into bars as an 18-year-old kid not to drink but to go up to the bar stools with my Bible and tell people that their liquor would take them to hell and I used to preach them into hell right in the bars.

25:46 God preserves the simple and God took care of me because there were some pretty big dudes in those bars sometimes but they were so shocked that this pimply-faced teenage kid would come in there and open up his Bible and preach to them. I think the Lord just stunned them into inactivity but you see, see no one laid this text before me. Speak not in the hearing of a fool for he will despise the wisdom of thy words. We must learn this truth and pass it on to our children.

26:19 Verses 15 and 16 My son you see he hasn't left the fatherly role so must not make a hard break at the end of chapter 9. I've not appreciated some of the commentators that would say that only chapters 1 to 9 have the admonitory framework of the father and son. It's simply not true. My son if thy heart be wise my heart will be glad even mine.

26:42 Yea, my heart will rejoice now notice when thy lips speak right things. Son, do you want to make me glad then have a wise heart. Now how in the world is the father going to read the wise heart of the son? God's going to give him some special spectacle called divine heart reading spectacles.

27:03 Put them on and zingle. You read no, how do you know the state of your son's heart? Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

27:13 He connects the heart and the mouth and says my son make me glad. My heart will rejoice if you have true wisdom and I'll know you have true wisdom when your lips speak right things. When I hear coming out of your lips those things that indicate that heavenly wisdom has taken up its role resident in your heart oh how glad I'll be. In other words we're teaching our children that the thing that will make us glad is not that they're Phi Beta Kappa in college that they're valedictorian to the class that they're pretty that they're handsome or anything else but they have the wisdom of God in their hearts

27:57 and it comes up on their lips. That's what will make us glad. Do you rear your children telling them the things with which I reared mine in this area? Your capacity in life some may be no more than to collect the garbage a noble and necessary function in society and if time proves that that's the limit of your capacity and the borders of divine providence then your father and mother will be proud of you if you empty garbage cans with all your heart to the glory of God with a consistent testimony before your fellow garbage collectors.

28:37 My son is here to bear witness as to whether or not that's true. Is that true son? He's nodding his head.

The Beauty of Right Answers and the Danger of Retaliation (Proverbs 24)

28:47 Now why do I say that? Because I can sense with some of you you say ah this standard is unrealistic it won't work if it's biblical it's not unrealistic and under the blessing of the spirit of God it may well be God's instrument to give your kids a standard with which to stand against the pressure to be something other than one who has a wise heart and who manifested by speaking wise things with the lips. Alright chapter 24 verse 26 and I'm watching the clock no time out yet. Alright?

29:30 This is a beautiful imagery. You see the writer of Proverbs and our Lord they range over the full spectrum of legitimate analogies to try to get truth through to us. He kisses the lips or kisses with the lips who gives the right answer. So whichever translation is right he kisses the lips which would be an indication of a warm sincere expression of affection or he kisses with the lips would make it a little bit less intense but no matter which way you cut it it's obvious that to give a right answer that is to have a mouth and a tongue prepared to give an appropriate answer

30:15 in a given situation is as lovely and gentle and tender a thing as an affectionate kiss. Someone comes all tied up in knots with a problem and because the mind and heart have been furnished with divine wisdom you give a right answer. It's as though you kissed with the lips. A marvelous imagery of what a wonderful thing it is to have lips that speak according to principles of truth and of righteousness.

30:48 Then verses 28 and 29 Be not a witness against thy neighbor without cause and deceive not with thy lips say not I will do so to him as he hath done to me I will render to the man according to his works. What's the great emphasis here? I'll not comment upon verse 28 we've had enough on the false witness and deception but look at verse 29 I say not I will do so to him as he has done to me I will render to the man according to his works. That's the tit for tat mentality and oh how our kids

31:31 have it ingrained in them. You say mean words to me I'll say mean words back to you. Anything mean you can say I can say meaner. The tit for tat verbal exchanges.

31:44 Solomon says don't have the attitude that says I will do to him as he had done to me. And that's hard. It's ingrained in the human heart to retaliate and to retaliate with the lips and we must seek to lay before our children continually. This is unacceptable.

32:05 Yes but she told me I was dumb and stupid and ugly. Yes that's what she said to you. But did that mean it was right for you to say she's more dumb nor stupid and uglier? Two wrongs don't make a right.

32:20 And what is the problem with many adult marital tensions that we have to deal with as pastors? People were not taught this as children. So now they enter marriage and they tit for tat with husband and wife. And there's a constant verbal warfare because this was not ingrained and by admonition enforced by the rod of correction not tolerated in the home.

32:44 No tit for tat-ism. And here again wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful.

32:49 A little hymn by Isaac Watts against scoffing and calling names. Our tongues were made to bless the Lord and not speak ill of men. When others give a railing word we must not rail again. Cross words and angry names require to be chastised at school and he's in danger of hell fire that calls his brother fool.

33:16 But lips that dare be so profane to mock and jeer and say, when children jeer and scoff at holy things or holy men, the Lord shall cut them off. When children in their wanton play served old Elisha so and bade the prophet go his way, go up, thou bald head, go! God quickly stopped their wicked breath and sent two raging bears that tore them limb from limb to death with blood and groans and tears. Great God.

33:48 How terrible. How terrible art thou to sinners, e'er so young! Grant me thy grace, and teach me how to tame and rule my tongue. Wouldn't it be lovely to have these hymns to teach your kids?

34:03 Singing about the table, crosswords and angry names required to be chastised at school.

Keeping Secrets and the Power of a Soft Tongue (Proverbs 25)

34:13 That's what Solomon is saying to his son. Chapter 25, 9-13, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself, and disclose not the secret of another, lest he that heareth it revile thee, and thine infamy turn not away. Here is another admonition about having the reputation for being able to keep a secret. And once word gets out that, You're a blabbermouth, it says your infamy will never be turned away.

34:53 You see, our children must learn that the earning of a good reputation is one of the most difficult things in all the world, but the losing of it is the easiest thing in all the world. And once lost in a given area, it is difficult ever to be regained. Now we see that with respect to public leaders and their morals. A man may walk with integrity and not a legitimate shadow be cast, over his life and his sexual, moral integrity with regard to women for thirty years.

35:27 But let it be known that one day, one time, he sat his secretary on his knee and fondled her breast. And he's had it for the rest of his life. He's had it! For the rest of his life, he's tagged in the minds of people as the man who in a moment of indiscretion fondled illicitly the breast of his secretary.

35:52 That's reality. You say, that's fair! Well, so be it. That's the way it is.

35:58 Not right! I'm not so sure it isn't right. But that's reality. And Solomon's dealing with reality.

36:06 And he's saying to his son, if there's an issue that belongs between you and your neighbor, keep it between you and your neighbor. Don't go blabbing it all over the world. If you do, people that hear it will revile you and your infamy will never be turned away. You'll go through life with the reputation of being a blabbermouth.

36:26 And then you'll wonder why you have no close friends of any worth. You'll wonder why people don't seek you out for counsel. You've earned the reputation of being a blabbermouth. We've got to teach our kids this.

36:39 How are they going to learn it if we do not teach it in the patient, day-by-day matters of the home? Alright, we move on then to verse 15 of this same chapter. By long forbearing is a ruler persuaded. And...

36:56 Here again, this beautiful grotesque imagery. A soft tongue breaks the bone. Here you've got a big old shin bone. You want to make you up some good stock.

37:09 With the marrow of the shin bone of an old cow that went to the slaughterhouse. And I come to your kitchen and there's that big shin bone. And you want to cut it up into chunks big enough, small enough to get into the pot and to have the hot water boil out the marrow. And I see you there with a piece of a cow's tongue whacking away at the bone.

37:34 I say, what you doing? I say, I'm trying to break this bone. I say, I think somebody done broke your head. What you trying to do, break the bone with a cow's tongue?

37:43 You can't break bone with tongue. Solomon says, yes you can. A soft answer. The soft tongue breaks the bone.

37:57 Here is the person so stubborn, so entrenched in his perspective. How are you going to break him from it? Not by coming at him with the battle axe of your angry, sarcastic, irritated words. You come with words as soft and gentle and tender as the tissue of your tongue.

38:18 And you break the bone. Now our children must learn that. They should learn it as they see us breaking the bone of our mates. Stubbornness in a given area.

38:30 And they see us wisely in a situation where they begin to discern our different nuances of the way we speak. They see a situation that they expected us perhaps to be firm and to be strident in the way we approached an issue. But instead we approached it softly and we saw the bone of resistance break. Learned a lesson.

38:54 More than one way to break a bone. Now the person that tries to chop up a shin bone with a cow's tongue in the kitchen we'd call him a fool. But God calls wise the person who learns to break the bone of a person's stubborn opinions. Of a person's unwillingness to face a given issue.

39:13 The soft tongue breaks the bone. How we need to instruct our children in that great truth. Verse 18. A man that bears false witness against his neighbor.

39:28 Now look at the imagery. Is a maul and a sword and a sharp arrow. All instruments of death. A maul, a sword and not just an arrow but a sharp arrow.

39:43 And you tell your son or daughter if you bear false witness against your sister. God says you're like a person who's in the army who is armed to the hilt and you're using your death weapons against your sister or your brother. You're not telling the truth. Your lies about your brother or sister.

40:02 Who started this and who did that and who did the other thing. God says your tongue has the ability to make instruments of death. And we must bear down upon the consciences of our children with that truth. Chapter 26.

Avoiding Contention and Unmasking Duplicity (Proverbs 26)

40:17 Chapter 26. Verses 20 through 26. For lack of wood the fire goes out. Now we're back to imagery.

40:28 Every kid can understand. Son, honey, sweetie. What happens if daddy doesn't put anymore fire in the fireplace or in the wood burning thing? Fire's gonna go out.

40:37 How old do your kids need to be before they understand that? Some of you have wood burning stoves in fireplaces. I mean, your kids are down here and they understand that. For lack of fire, for lack of wood, the fire goes out.

40:48 They can understand that. So we teach them. Where there is no whisperer, contention stops. If there isn't somebody to keep throwing fuel on the fire, then the tension and the contention stops.

41:02 As coals are to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a contention. So is a contentious man to inflame strife. If you begin to see a pattern in your children that no matter who their teacher is, no matter who their pupil, who their peers are at school, no matter who their companions are, everywhere they go there's contention. It's about time some of you woke up and stopped blaming everybody else.

41:30 It's your kid who's the problem. No, no, no, no, no. Not my child. Well, it just may be.

41:37 It is your child. And it could be that they're learning how to be the source of contention by just imitating you. Because this text says that if you take away the fuel, there's no more fire. Likewise, there will be no contention unless there's a contentious person who likes to inflame strife.

42:03 And so if we see that tendency in our children, we must go after it. Remember, they're not just sweet little kids. They're future moms and dads and church members and neighbors. And you are laying up in them the character traits with which someone else will have to live for a lifetime.

42:23 Verse 22. The words of a whisperer's dainty morsels, they go down into the innermost parts. Sound familiar? I won't expound it.

42:33 We did last week. Same text. Verse 23. Fervent lips and a wicked heart are like an earthen vessel overlaid with silver dross.

42:44 Again, vivid imagery. Here's someone who's got a vessel. He's got a pot. And it's all made of earth.

42:51 It's just a cheap old clay pot. But someone overlays it with silver so it looks like a beautiful, solid silver pot. In other words, it ain't what it appears to be. He says, in the same way, the person who has fervent lips, that is, lips that speak fervently of life, love and affection and devotion, but the heart is wicked, is just like that earthen pot overlaid with silver.

43:18 What are you teaching your children there? You're teaching your children to speak the truth. To speak the truth. Not to be calculatingly, willfully deceptive.

43:29 I faced an incident this week that was most grievous to me. Where someone was absolutely confident that another party really loved and respected them. And I had to bring them out of their fools' pit. Bring them out of their fools' paradise and say, no, no, no, no, no.

43:45 That person has slandered you times without number. Their mouth dropped open. They said, I'm shocked. What was the problem?

43:56 Fervent lips were overlaying a wicked heart. We must guard and warn and admonish our children against duplicity. Sweet little smiles, nice little greetings, when underneath the heart is seething with bitterness and hatred and acrimony and ill will. We must teach them that is utterly unacceptable.

44:23 Verse 24, He that hate dissembles with his lips, that is, deceives with his lips, but he lays up deceit within him. When he speaks fair, don't believe him. For there are seven abominations in his heart. Though his hatred cover itself with guile, his wickedness shall be openly showed before the assembly.

44:43 You teach your children that sooner or later, especially if they're in the presence of the people of God and in the house of God, God will uncover their sin. We have witnessed in this church this truth. People who sat among us with hearts seething with disaffection and ill will. And sooner or later, God pulled the rug off and showed them for what they were.

45:05 But teach our kids that. And they must learn to recognize this. When he speaks fair, don't believe him. There are seven abominations in his heart.

45:17 Though his hatred cover itself with guile, his wickedness shall be openly showed before the assembly. Let me say, this may be a word to some of you sitting here. You're sitting here with a heart full of wickedness and wicked attitudes and wicked feelings toward anyone in this assembly, toward the people of God, toward the leadership, and you still smile, shake hands, everything nice. Sooner or later, God's going to pull the mask off you.

45:41 God said it. He's going to do it. You can't outfox God, my friend. You better stop trying.

45:49 Far better to come in, blow your cork, and tell us where you're really at so we can try to deal with the sin in us that's causing the fence in you and repent or show you you have no cause to be seething with anger and try to point out your sin. But if you're covering your evil heart with guile, sooner or later, God's going to blow your cover. He said it. I believe it.

46:12 This is one of my prayers. Not a major dimension, but it's a frequently repeated prayer. Lord, any among us who are covering hatred and deceit with guile, Lord, you said it would be openly showed before the assembly. Lord, unmask them.

46:29 Unmask them. Unmask them. Do you feel uncomfortable if somebody's praying that way? Are you saying, Lord, I'm glad they pray that way.

46:39 I pray that way, too. Huh? What's your response to that? Feel comfortable with that?

Humility, Timing, and the Deceit of Flattery (Proverbs 27, 29)

46:45 Do you say, Lord, if you do that, maybe, the very fact you've got a doubt, maybe it's a good indication you've got to pray that way. You've got some dealings with God long overdue. Verse, chapter 27, verses 2 and 14. Got six minutes.

47:01 Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth, a stranger, and not thine own lips. This way, you've got to teach your kids not to brag about themselves. Don't go home like I did and say, teacher told me I'm the smartest boy in the class. Oh, how my parents loved to remind me of that.

47:20 I only did it once, but they jumped all over me. Well, I was the smartest boy in the class, but I should not have come home and told my parents that she told me that. Now, she was wrong to tell me that. That's the wrong thing to tell a kid.

47:38 And I'm thankful that long before I got very far in my development, God was pleased to deal with me and show me that that was evil and wicked. But I did that. I'm confessing I did that. But don't you think I didn't hear about this text?

47:55 Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth, a stranger, not thine own lips. Some of your kids just seem to be naturally bent on bragging. And they're not stretching the truth. They really have accomplished something.

48:09 But they will let you know again and again and again. And you've got to sit down with them. Take this text and say, look, people aren't going to like you because they're going to sense that you're a bragger and that you're always wanting to say whatever they can do, I can do better. And you've got to stop that.

48:26 It's evil in the sight of God that you're going to do. It's a false text. You've got to stop that and say, I don't know what I'm saying. I don't understand what I'm saying.

48:36 It's like a book I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. But I do. I do.

48:42 I do. I do. I can do whatever I want. I can do whatever I want.

48:48 I can do whatever I can do. I can do whatever I want. I'm not saying I can't do anything. I'm not saying I can do The Lord bless you abundantly today.

49:05 Poor guy says, I'm drunk outside the house, hollering his head off. What in the world is going on? And he staggers over to the window and opens it up and turns off the air conditioner so he can hear. And you're out there saying, the Lord bless you today.

49:20 And he said, you may as well be calling down curses on his head. You do that at the wrong time. Now, if that isn't humor, I don't know what humor is. If you can't see the humor in that, then I say there's something missing in your own psyche.

49:34 Solomon is saying you must learn that there's an appropriate time for things. And the time to bless your neighbor, that is to call down the favor and blessing of God upon him, is not while he's sound asleep early in the morning. Find a more appropriate time. And likewise, we must teach our children that there is a time to speak certain things.

49:59 And a time to be silent with respect to certain things. The time for them to come and say, Daddy, Mommy, I love you. It's not when you're in the middle of trying to get a good night's sleep. And they happen to wake up and have to go to the bathroom and come running in and shake you and wake you up.

50:15 What's wrong? You got a tummy ache? No, no, I just want to tell you I love you. It'll be a bit hard for you to say, well, I love you too, after they wake you up in the middle of the night.

50:23 This is how you begin to teach these things, in the little ways. There's an appropriate time. You have to get up in the middle of the night and go potty. And you're thinking about how much you love Mommy.

50:33 You lie in the bed as you're going back to sleep and saying, thank you, God, for a good Mommy. I love her, a good Daddy. I love him. And I'll tell him in the morning when it's right to tell them.

50:42 You begin to train them. You begin to train them. One of the big problems we again have as pastors counseling with adult members of this church in marital counseling is people don't have any sense of timing in what they say.

50:57 Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they?

50:59 Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they?

50:59 Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they?

50:59 Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they? Why don't they?

51:04 The very emphasis of this passage. Chapter 29, verse 5. Very quickly now. We're going to stay on track.

51:10 A man that flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his steps. Here again, vivid imagery. The net was the trap by which you would catch the animal. When you spread a net, you're not doing anything for the good of the animal.

51:27 It is self-terminating. You want to do something. You want to do something. You want the animal for yourself.

51:32 Flattery. Hear me carefully now. I spoke to some people the other day. I don't know if you know who it was.

51:37 And they found this helpful. Flattery and legitimate praise have this very marked contrast. Flattery always terminates upon self. I want something from the person I flatter.

51:53 I want their approval. I want their money. I want something from them. Legitimate praise.

52:01 Always terminates on the person praised. You are giving something to them expecting nothing in return. They have done something that is praiseworthy. And you are joyfully, freely, with no self-terminating, self-oriented goal expressing thankfulness to them.

52:23 That's legitimate praise and thanksgiving. Flattery is excessive praise. Praise calculated to get something. I want something for myself from the person whom I flatter.

52:35 He that flatters with his lips spreads a net for his steps. That is, he's out to catch him for his own ends.

52:47 Now you think about that. Because that's the imagery of the passage. And we must teach our children the difference between the two things. 29.11

52:57 A fool utters all his anger but a wise man keeps it back and stills it. The kids have a right to know that. In certain situations, anger is not sin. But they must learn to channel their anger.

53:13 A fool utters all his anger but a wise man doesn't say, gets rid of it. He keeps it back and stills it. He then learns to find an appropriate channel for its expression. He doesn't shoot now and aim later with his anger.

53:29 But he stills his anger till he can aim it in a biblical way. Which is most often aim it to the throne of God. And leave it there. Vengeance is mine.

Conclusion: Admonishing Children Against Sins of the Tongue

53:40 I will repay. Verse 20, chapter 30, verses 10 and 14. Those were some of the other passages. But let me just close by reading one more little hymn from Isaac Watts.

53:56 As we seek to admonish our children to the righteous use of their tongues. Here's the hymn against swearing, cursing and taking God's name in vain. Angels that high. Angels that high.

54:09 Angels that high. In glory dwell, adore thy name, almighty God. And devils tremble down in hell beneath the terrors of thy rod. And yet how wicked children dare abuse thy dreadful glorious name.

54:24 And when they're angry, how they swear and curse their fellows and blaspheme. How will they stand before thy face who treated thee with such disdain. While thou shalt doom them to the place of everlasting fire and pain. Then never shall one cooling drop to quench their burning tongues be given.

54:45 But I will praise thee here and hope thus to employ my tongue in heaven. My heart shall be in pain to hear wretches affront their Lord above. Tis the great God whose power I fear. That heavenly Father whom I love.

55:03 If my companions grow profane, I'll leave their friendship when I hear. Young sinners take thy name in vain and learn to curse and learn to swear. You see Isaac Watts seeking by means of hymnody to admonish children to avoid the sins of the tongue. May God help you and me to give ourselves to this task.

55:31 Get hold of Bridges on Proverbs and start reading all the text on the tongue and discussing them. Go through them with your family. Families that under God you will not send your children out ill-equipped with reference to this little member that kindles so great a forest fire. Let's pray.

55:55 Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for this section, these sections in the book of Proverbs that we've studied over these several weeks. And we pray that the weight of their truth will bear down upon each of us as individual believers. And that we will not grow weary in the task of repeatedly and consistently admonishing our children with reference to the use of their tongues.

56:23 That they may by the Holy Spirit controlling their tongues be able to control the whole body also. Hear our cry and seal your word to our benefit, we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. You have been listening to How Not to Foul Up.

56:42 The training of your children by Pastor Albert N. Martin. These cassettes are distributed by the Trinity Book Service. If you would like a free listing of other audio cassettes and books, please call us at 1-800-722-3584.

56:57 Or if you prefer, you can write us at the Trinity Book Service.