The Righteous Use of the Tongue #1

Introduction to the Series and Overview of Parental Nurturing Means

0:02 How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children This is cassette number 22 in a series given by Pastor Albert N. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on July 7, 1991.

0:18 Now we come this morning again, as was indicated in Pastor Dixon's prayer, to take up our subject, How Not to Foul Up the Training of Our Children. And now that we've completed 20 class sessions on this subject, it becomes increasingly difficult to give any kind of an overview for visitors, which does not consume an excessive amount of time. And I've already seen some faces that are new to me, or if not entirely new, I know you fit the category of visitors, and I feel the frustration of seeking to ease you into the subject when you're not in the classroom. So without an extensive review, but if I were to do that, there would be more people frustrated. Why doesn't he get on with it? We've heard that so many times already. So all I can do is, on the one hand, commend to you, if this is a subject of particular concern for you, that you obtain the tapes of this series, and then take just about two minutes to try to bring into focus what we are doing.

1:27 We are considering together, this vast subject of the training of our children in biblical perspective, and we've addressed the crucial issue of the spiritual and emotional climate of the home or the family, and have underscored establishing from numerous scriptures that God himself is the perfect father, and it is from his parenting that we are to take the major lines and contours of our function as parents. And then using Ephesians 6-4 as our fundamental text of reference, we have seen that there are two major means given by God into the hands of Christian parents for the nurturing, that is, the full development of their children, and those two great means are corrective instruction, or the use of the rod, and verbal instruction, admonition, encouragement, exhortation. Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening and the admonition of the Lord. And having spent a number of weeks on the biblical doctrine of the use of the rod as a means of nurturing our children, we are now concerned with that admonition,

2:55 which is of the Lord, and is, the second great means of the nurture of our children. And we have seen, using the book of Proverbs as our fundamental source book, that the foundational issue in all godly parental admonition is the fear of God. Proverbs 1-7, that is, in all of our admonition to our children, we must constantly bring to bear in that admonition the fact of God's existence, the rights of God over our children, the standards of God, the eye of God, the grace and strength of God, and the ultimate judgment of God, which our children will face. And then we started to take up what we are calling the major issues of godly parental admonition as they stand before us in the book of Proverbs. If the foundational issue of all godly parental admonition is the fear of God, what are the major categories of admonition that crop up again and again in the book of Proverbs? Now, in asking that question, I am not assuming that repetition is of necessity an indication of importance.

4:23 There are some very important truths in the Bible that are revealed in only one or two of the following verses. I am not assuming that repetition is of necessity an indication of importance. There are two places, such as the virgin birth of our Lord, Luke chapter 1 and 2 and Matthew chapter 1. Only there do we have explicit, clear data.

4:41 But how crucial is that doctrine? Well, we are not assuming that repetition in and of itself is an indication of importance. On the other hand, there is a clear biblical doctrine that important things are repeated. And we derive that from Peter.

The Foundational Issue and Major Categories of Parental Admonition

4:58 He said, I think it meet, as long as I am in this tabernacle, to stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance. And so, we have assumed that if something is repeated again and again and again in Proverbs, it is because the wise father knew that that particular subject was of peculiar concern in the nurture of his son. We have covered four such major concerns, three categories, and God willing, we take up the fifth this morning. Number one, parents must consistently and repeatedly admonish their children to be attentive listeners to godly parental instruction. Here, oh my son, is one of the great and repeated passionate appeals in the book of Proverbs. We studied twelve texts on that theme. Secondly, parents must consistently, and repeatedly admonish their children to be active and earnest in the pursuit of true knowledge and wisdom.

6:06 And we studied fifteen texts. And the epitomizing one is in chapter two, where knowledge and understanding are to be sought as for hid treasure. Thirdly, parents must consistently and repeatedly admonish their children to learn to desire, welcome, and heed, rebuke, correction, and counsel. And there we looked at twenty different texts, where the person who does not listen to reproof is called a fool.

6:42 He's called brutish. The person who does not seek counsel and separates himself seeks his own desire and rages against all sound wisdom. Reproofs of instruction are the way of life. And the person who does not listen to reproof is called a fool.

6:59 And the child impervious to rebuke and reproof is in the way of death. And then we studied in our last session that parents must consistently and repeatedly admonish their children to recognize and avoid moral defilement and to avoid those people and influences which would lead them into moral defilement. And we looked at approximately twelve texts, where the father even teaches his son how to pick up on the body language of evil men and of evil women and to avoid them. That he's not to enter into the path of the wicked.

7:41 He's to avoid it. He's to turn from it. And he is to pass on. Now, for those who have been with us and have been doing your homework,

The Tongue: The Fifth and Most Emphasized Category of Admonition

7:51 that is, occasionally speed reading at least large sections of the book of Proverbs, what would you say is another major category of parental admonition not yet covered? A major one. In fact, I would be so bold as to say at this point in my study, it is the major one. Anyone want to stick out his neck?

8:18 I should say stick out his tongue and make it move and frame a response. What is another major emphasis of parental admonition in the book of Proverbs? All right, Mike? All right, diligence and its opposite, the matter of a sluggard.

8:41 And we hope to get to that because that is a major emphasis. And even in my speed reading last night, getting home around 3.30 and unpacking and then getting a little nap and then up into the study to prepare for today and speed reading Proverbs again, I was jotting down all the sluggard references and I've got about a dozen or 15 of them there. But this even has that one beat hands down, Mike.

9:06 We're going to come back to that. We're going to come back to that. We're going to come back to that. That's a major one.

9:08 That'll come down here.

9:11 Someone else want to venture? Yes.

9:15 Ah, that's it. The use of the tongue, lips, or words. I'm going to put it this way. This is number five.

9:22 Knowing that a number of you take notes, here's the fifth major category built upon the foundational issue of the fear of God. Parents must consistently and repeatedly admonish their children concerning the righteous use of their tongues. I didn't know how else to summarize all that was there, but to call it admonition concerning the righteous use of their tongues. Now, let me ask a question.

9:54 How many of you would venture a guess as to how many specific and explicit text in Proverbs address this issue?

10:04 20? 30? 40? 50?

10:09 More? How many would like to venture a guess? How many think they're at least 40?

10:16 At least 50? 60? 70?

10:23 80? Ah, some of you maybe looked it up and counted. Well, what I did is after calling out all the explicit references, I counted them up, not with the kind of accuracy if I were in a court under oath, but I came up with about 75 explicit references regarding the tongue. Now, that tells us something.

10:47 Doesn't it? And obviously, we can't look at all of those references this morning, and I'm not sure whether we'll just look at as many as we can and then say, you do your homework and read the rest, or whether we'll take up others in a subsequent study, but surely, if we are even beginning to approach the model of Solomon in his admonitory role with his son, we as parents must be giving consistent and repeated admonition to our children concerning the righteous use of their tongues. And may I add, if that admonition is not joined to the previously established doctrine of the righteous use of the rod, I doubt you will get very far. For so ingrained are the sins of the tongue because of the intimate relationship between the tongue and the heart that if folly is bound up in the heart, in the heart of the child, and what is in the heart comes out the mouth, then it's the rod of correction that drives it far from the heart and therefore from the lips of our children. So you can admonish till you're blue in the face when your kid talks in a sarcastic, smart-mouthed way, in a cheeky way. You shouldn't speak that way.

12:10 Won't bother him at all. But when you say the next time you speak that way, it's into the bedroom, it's over mother's knee, and you'll be severely spanked. You'll begin to find the admonition will have teeth. And so this is an area where if the admonition is not joined to a righteous application of the rod, you can speak until you're blue in the face and it will do little good.

Early Proverbs: Guarding the Heart and Mouth

12:36 Alright? Open up your Bibles with me then as we seek to see from the Word of God how extensive,

12:46 how multifaceted, is the Father's admonition to His Son with respect to the righteous use of the tongue. And it's interesting, the emphasis gathers momentum in the earlier chapters, a verse here, a verse there, but when we get into chapter 10, they start climbing all over us. And by the time we get to chapter 15 and 16, we find them in fistfuls. Alright? We begin with chapter 4, verses 23 and 24. chapter 4, verses 23 and 24. chapter 4, verses 23 and 24. We're familiar with verse 23, keep thy heart with all diligence, that is, above all the things that you guard, guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life, now notice the next thing mentioned, put away from thee a wayward mouth and purge perverse lips put far from thee. Crooked,

13:54 devious, evil lips, put them far from you. So Solomon goes directly from the keeping of the heart to the activity of the mouth. Put away a wayward mouth. The assumption is by nature the child has a wayward mouth that needs to be put away. See, he doesn't say don't acquire a wayward mouth, he says put it away from you. He was a realist to know that our children go astray from the womb, and then what does Psalm 58 2 say? Speaking lies. The inherent sinfulness of a child is no more clearly revealed than in the activity of its mouth.

14:45 You don't have to teach it to say a petulant no, you don't have to teach it to lie, to be catty, to be sneaky, to be devious, and so Solomon says put away from thee a wayward mouth and perverse lips put far from thee. Chapter 5, 1 and 2. My son, attend to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding. Here's the first area of admonition. He's admonished to be an attentive listener to godly parental instruction. And what's the first area of focus? That you may preserve discretion, that is, that you may preserve an inward discerning spirit, and that your lips may keep knowledge. He says if you're to be marked as a man whose lips are in constant possession of true knowledge so that when you speak, there's a revelation that you speak out of knowledge, then you must hear and attend to my wisdom and understanding. Chapter

15:59 6, my son, verse 1, if you are become surety for your neighbor, if you have stricken your hands for a stranger, you are snared with the words of your mouth. You are taken with the words of your mouth. Or what happened? Well, a relative stranger came and hit on this son and said, look, I'm in rough straits, things have fallen upon hard times and I can't go down and get a bank loan. Will you co-sign for me? Well, he doesn't know him, but he's soft and he's sympathetic and so he enters into an agreement and with his mouth he says, well, your need seems real and I'm able to respond to that. And he says, when you then shake hands and sign on the dotted line, you've been snared with the words of your mouth. Don't let your mouth ensnare you in unwise financial commitments.

God's Hatred of Perverse and Lying Tongues

17:02 That's what he's saying. You've been snared by the words of your mouth, taken with the words of your own mouth. Verse 12 of this chapter, a worthless person, a man of iniquity, is he that walks with a perverse mouth. The first characteristic he focuses upon when he describes the worthless person, the man of iniquity, he has a perverse mouth.

17:32 His mouth is not marked by uprightness, integrity, truth, kindness. It is a perverse. It is a crooked. It is a wayward mouth.

17:45 Verse 17, of the things that God hates, haughty eyes, a lying tongue. Next, to pride in the heart, manifested by haughty eyes, God hates a lying tongue. God hates it. And you see so many parents, seeing that lying is so native and easy and natural to the kids, they lose their own sense of moral abhorrence in sympathy with God.

18:17 And they view lying, as sort of an inevitable part of a child's development. No! God hates lying. And we must bring to bear upon the consciences of our children how much he hates it. Verse 19, what else does God hate? A false witness that utters lies. God hates false witnesses who lie. And generally, what he hates, the last thing mentioned, is done by the tongue.

18:52 And he that sows discord among brethren. When we think of James, who says, behold, how great a forest fire is kindled by a little match, and how often the match of a little word that sows suspicion in the mind of another, kindles a forest fire of dissension and fracturing of interpersonal relationships. So the use of the tongue is central in the matters that God hates. Chapter 8, in verse 13.

19:27 The fear of the Lord is. What is the fear of the Lord in its practical outworking? That which is foundational to all true morality? We are going to be told, the fear of the Lord is to hate evil, pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the perverse distorted, crooked mouth do I hate.

19:57 We need to admonish our children to recognize that Almighty God hates a crooked mouth. A mouth that doesn't shoot straight. A mouth that is not marked by honesty and uprightness and transparency. God abominates it, according to this text.

Timely Use of the Tongue and Its Power for Life or Destruction (Proverbs 9-10)

20:20 Chapter 9, in verse 8.

20:23 Reprove not a scoffer, lest he hate thee. Reprove a wise man, and he'll love thee. Solomon is saying to his son, look, you must learn how to use your tongue in a timely way. You may see something that warrants reproof, but you should restrain your tongue from reproving certain kinds of people.

20:46 It is not enough that you have ethical and moral sensitivity to judge that something is wrong, and you're ready to take the text, have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them and make that your only text. Oh no, we must teach our children that there is the kindly use of the tongue. It's not enough that the reproof is warranted. Someone has truly done something morally culpable, morally devious, but we must have discernment with reference to the character of that person, and in certain instances, we're to swallow the reproof.

21:26 We are told, reprove not a scoffer, and that's just as much a command as thou shalt not steal. Reprove not a scoffer, lest he hate thee. Reprove a wise man, and he'll love thee. The emphasis here upon the timely use of the tongue. Now then, when we get into chapter 10, tighten your seatbelt, and look at the plethora of text. Chapter 10, beginning with verse 11.

21:53 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. What beautiful imagery that we should seek to inculcate in our children this goal that when they open their mouths, it will be like the opening of a pure crystal fountain whose waters are drawn up from the depths of the earth, passing over many strata of rock until all impurities are taken out of it, and it's the purest kind of water, the most nourishing, refreshing water available. He says that the mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. In other words, when anyone gets near it, they never drink water that will become poison in their belly. They never drink that which will make them spiritually and morally sick. What a goal to set before our children that their mouths become a fountain of life.

23:04 Verse 13. In the lips of him that hath discernment, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him that is void of understanding. In the lips of him that hath discernment, wisdom is found. Inward moral discernment will find expression on the lips of the person who has it, so that when he speaks, it's evident that he sees through the smog and the fog to the real issue, and that comes out in his tongue.

23:40 And here our Lord is a marvelous example. You remember how at age twelve the doctors of the law were amazed, both at the insight shown in the questions he asked and in the answers that he gave. Verse 14. Wise men lay up knowledge.

24:01 Wise people are always garnering, but the mouth of the foolish is present destruction. In other words, fools are always running off at the mouth, while wise people are continually storing up in the heart. Now we need to teach our children, especially if they're more naturally loquacious and outgoing and ready to give their opinion on anything and everything, at any time and in any set of circumstances. We need to teach them restraint and tell them to be swift to hear, slow to speak, because wise men lay up knowledge.

24:40 But the mouth of the foolish is a present destruction. When the fool opens his mouth, we say he sticks his foot in his mouth. He does worse than that. He destroys himself with his own mouth. Verse 18.

The Tongue's Role in Hatred, Slander, and Transgression (Proverbs 10)

24:54 He that hideth hatred is of lying lips, and he that utters a slander is a fool. Oh, how we need to teach our children that truth. Often behind a bitter spirit there are lying lips, and then with the lying lips people will utter slanders at the object of the hatred of their hearts. We need to teach our children when you spoke that way about your brother and sister, why did you do that?

25:25 What lay behind that? What lay behind that is that you had a spirit of hatred in your heart and you lied in order to shift the blame to your brother or sister because there was hatred to them.

25:41 Oh, how many problems in churches among adults could be avoided if children were brought up with this emphasis blessed by the Spirit of God. Verse 19. In the multitude of words there wanteth not transgressions. But he that refraineth his lips doeth wisely. Now parents, let me ask you this. Do you think that just because your kids are small and just because they can just begin to put sentences together that they should be free to talk any time they want to talk so long as what they don't say is mean or ugly? Do you have the idea that the way you cultivate their personality and a free spirit is simply to let them run off at the mouth? If so, you are teaching them a terrible lesson.

26:30 You are failing in a fundamental element of their character development in the multitude of words there wanteth not transgression. As I've had to say on more than one occasion in this place and in other places in pastors conferences, no one has had to confess over the 25 years of Trinity Baptist Church's existence more sin publicly than I have. Why? Because I've had the responsibility of speaking more words publicly than anyone else.

27:04 And in the multitude of words even the preachers there wanteth not sin. And we need to teach our children the way to avoid sin is the way to learn restraint upon their tongues. He that refrains his lips does wisely. My son, my daughter, would you be wise?

27:25 Then don't open your mouth every time you have an impulse to say, Mommy, this, Mommy, this, Daddy, this, so-and-so, this, so-and-so, this. We must teach them to refrain the natively loquacious activity of the lips. That's what my Bible says. And this is part of the instruction we are to give to them. Verses 20 and 21.

Acceptable Words, Destruction, and Secret-Keeping (Proverbs 10-11)

27:49 The tongue of the righteous is as choice silver. You want to teach your children true godly material value? You say, hey, you want to lay up a lot of choice silver? Precious metals will not fluctuate in worth as worthless paper money. You want to have substantial hard currency? This is how you do it. You learn what it is to have a tongue that is controlled by the righteous principles of the word of God and in God's eyes. That will be like a treasure chest of choice silver. And notice the contrast in the Hebrew parallelism and contrast Hebrew poetry. The heart of the wicked is little worth. You see, from tongue to heart, why is the heart of the wicked of little worth? Because his tongue shows the condition of his heart.

28:51 Whereas the righteous with his righteous heart manifested by a tongue that speaks those things that are as a precious metal. Verses 31 and 32, all in this one chapter. The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue shall be cut off. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, but the mouth of the wicked speaketh perverseness.

29:22 It's a marvelous thing to see a budding young man or woman who has learned how to speak, acceptable words in a social context. It's a beautiful thing. Not when you've got a four-year-old trying to conduct himself like a 40-year-old professional diplomat who can meet kings and queens and heads of states and sheikhs in the Middle East and the rest. No, no.

29:49 But children who are not either so overbearing and unbounded and loquacious that they are obnoxious, or so retired and shy and they don't know what to say when you come up to them and you greet them and their heads go down and they don't know how to respond. That's the grievous thing. Your goal for your children should be this, that they know what is acceptable in verbal responses. Mary, that's a lovely dress you have on.

30:22 You parents need to teach your child. How does she respond to that? She should say, well, thank you for noticing my dress. I'm thankful to God that mommy and daddy were able to buy it for me.

30:35 Your grandma got it. You teach them what is acceptable. You say, Pastor, are you serious? Yeah, I'm serious. Look at the word of God. The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable and how do they know it? Not automatically, but by proper instruction from parents.

30:59 Are you teaching your children how to give proper verbal responses to praise, to expression of gratitude, to reproof, to unjust criticism? You and I have this solemn responsibility. Chapter 11, verse 9.

31:21 With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge shall the righteous be delivered. What a frightening thing that a man can with his mouth destroy his neighbor. Destroy a reputation that was aimed, earned, I'm sorry, I got gained and earned together and got aimed. Here we are, gained or earned a nickel and a dime over many, many years.

31:55 Consistent. Saved or unsaved. Special grace or common grace. But that neighbor has been a man of uprightness and integrity and known to be such.

32:06 But an evil person, a godless person, can with his mouth utterly destroy his neighbor. Destroy his reputation. And in that destroyed reputation, perhaps his standing in his place of business. And in doing that, his ability to provide for his family.

32:24 And in doing that, bring shame and emotional and psychological crippling to his family. All because of a loose tongue that destroyed a neighbor. Our children need to know what horrible, frightening powers for evil lie within their two cheeks. As well as what marvelous power for good a fountain of life.

32:49 Look at verse 11 of the same chapter. The blessing, by the blessing of the upright, the city is exalted. Here's a city, has a number of righteous people. And by God's blessing upon them, the whole city experiences blessing.

33:06 But that same city is overthrown by the mouth. Of the wicked. All of the influence of the manifold acts of righteous deeds of the righteous that brought the city to a place of general blessing and harmony. It's all overthrown by a wicked mouth. It's overthrown by the mouth of the wicked. Verse 13. He that goes about as a tale bearer reveals secrets. But he that is of a faithful matter, he that is of a faithful spirit, conceals a matter. Oh, dear parents, how you need to teach your children this truth. They are not only natively liars, they're natively tale bearers that reveal secrets. As someone has said, a secret is safe among two people other than the person who shared it. Only if one of those two is dead.

34:09 You know, still shared to me in confidence. And I won't tell anyone else, but you keep it up. We must teach our children that they are under no obligation to promise anyone to keep anything a secret. Teach them that.

34:25 Otherwise, you'll leave them morally vulnerable. As we heard in the sermons on child abuse, the great technique of fathers who abuse their daughters sexually, of pedophiles who abuse children, of incestuous relationships within families, of mothers who seduce their sons. And that happens as well. The great weapon is, don't you dare tell anyone. This is our secret. No, no. You are under no obligation to give to anyone a blanket promise of secrecy. People sometimes in counseling sessions will say, now, Pastor Martin, will you promise me if I tell you what I'm about to tell you, you won't tell a soul. I say, no.

35:16 Absolutely not. I will not give you a blank check of total secrecy. It may be immoral. If you're asking me, when it is legitimate to keep something in total confidence, do I have the ability to do so? By the grace of God, yes.

35:33 One does not live as a pastor with any credibility in one place for 30 years and continue with that credibility if he's known to have a loose tongue. There are things shared with me that will go to my grave with me. Only God and the person and I know, not even my wife knows. But I won't give that blanket promise. That might be wicked. I say, if you tell me something that warrants that you be turned over to the civil authorities, I will feel obligated to do so or I'll be an accessory to the crime. We have no biblical doctrine of the right of the privacy of the confessional. You may tell me things that will demand that I go to your husband or wife.

36:17 And you teach your children they don't give any blanket promise of secrecy to any human being. It's unrighteous to do so. However, where there is a legitimate secret you must train your children the discipline of spirit to keep that secret for he that goes about as a tail bearer reveals secrets and it shows that they do not have a faithful or a trustworthy spirit. And you have to train your children on how to be secret keepers and not tail bearers.

The Snare of the Lips and the Health of Wise Words (Proverbs 12)

36:58 Chapter 12, 13 and 14. In the transgression of the lips is a snare to the evil man, but the righteous shall come out of trouble. Here's the picture that the sins of the lips become to an evil man what a snare is to an innocent beast. That particular beast is gambling along through the forest or through his territory thinking he's just out for his daily constitutional and all of a sudden he hits the track stick and the snare gets him around the feet. He's upside down and in a short matter of time he's someone's evening meal. That's the picture. The transgression of the lips is a snare to the evil man. We must teach our children that if they allow their lips to go unguarded and not disciplined by the principles of righteousness they will lead to their destruction.

38:06 Verse 14, a good man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth. Think of that. A good man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth. You say to your children, do you want a rich harvest of holy fruits to fall into your hands? Then learn to have a tongue that is governed by the principles of the word of God. For God says a man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth. Verses 17 to 19. He that uttereth truth showeth forth righteousness but a false witness deceit.

38:48 There is that speaketh rashly like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is health. The lip of truth shall be established forever, but a lying tongue is for a moment. There's not an unusually significant contribution in verse 17 so I pass over it, but I want us to focus briefly on verses 18 and 19. There is that speaketh rashly like the piercings of a sword.

39:23 Now you see the graphic imagery? When a sword pierces, it may not make a large outward wound, but it makes deadly internal wounds. People have died by sword wounds with very little blood showing on the outside.

39:44 The sheer pressure of muscle tissue enfolding around that sword that pierced the vitals perhaps allowed only a few drops of blood to spill out. But the internal bleeding killed a man. You need to sit down with your kids and use this imagery and say you can use your tongue in such a way that it will be like a sword going right into the gut of your brother or sister and later on right into the gut of your wife or your husband. Some of you sit here today who are internally bleeding because your own husband or wife has driven the heart of rash words into your gut.

40:34 There's some of you children who bleed internally because your only memory of mom and dad is so often the sword of angry words. You stupid, you dummy, right into the vitals.

40:54 What about your parents? Oh yeah, you don't beat your kids in a fury. You've never picked up a stone and thrown it at them. You've never kicked them. But what have you done with your words? Have you pierced and cut and wounded and left very little blood for others to see? They go around with internal bleeding and they'll live all their days with the adhesions from the wounds of your tongue.

41:27 That's serious stuff, folks. That's serious stuff. But they know I love them. Know what they know is they're bleeding.

41:40 Your tongue was the sword.

41:45 Some of you ought to be home on your knees with your own spouses and children this day, begging them to forgive you for your sword wounds because you spoke rashly like the piercing of a sword. Whereas the tongue of the wise is health. If there has to be cutting, it's not rash piercing. It's the deft hand of the surgeon, not the wild plunging of the warrior.

42:19 And we must surgically remove cancers from our children, from our wives, from our husbands. We must reprove, rebuke, exhort. Yes, but when it is done with the love and the care of the hand of spiritual surgery, then it results in health. And there is no internal bleeding. Everything's all sewed up with proper biblical prayer and mutual confession and cleansing of the blood of Christ. You see, no matter how rash your words may have been, when someone comes and says, I'm sorry, those words were ugly. They were godless. They were not like Christ. Will you forgive me?

43:07 Will you pardon me? And they say, yes, I freely forgive. And then you follow up those words with deeds to show that that was not the true disposition of the heart. They don't go on with internal bleeding. They don't go on with internal adhesions. But it's when you speak the words and then you just walk away and figure, well, time will heal them. Time neither forgives them, cleanses them, nor heals them.

Practical Application: Healing Wounds and Teaching Forgiveness

43:36 Only the blood of Christ forgives, and His blood forgives and cleanses only when you're willing to go and confess to the person whom you've wounded with your rash words. And you need to teach your children that. Oh, they just said, very quickly, hey, dummy! And ran away. I can't stop.

43:54 I'm cooking a meal. I can't stop the meal, mother! Sit that daughter down and say to her, honey, what did you say to sister?

44:08 What did you say to sister? I knew now. Yes, you do now. Tell mommy what you said to sister.

44:17 I can't remember. You want mommy help, you remember? I called her dummy. But I didn't mean, I didn't. Ah, but you called her that. Yes. What does God say? God says when you called her dummy, that was like taking a knife and sticking it in your tummy. Would you take a knife right now? And you may need to walk over to the place where you keep your knives. And say, honey, would you take a knife and stick it in sister's belly? No, mommy, I... God says, that's what you did. Take her to this text and say, that's what you did! Now you gotta pull the knife out and get it healed. You must say to sister, I'm sorry I said rash words.

45:04 Naughty words. Will you forgive me? And then you pray. You say, pastor, that's fifteen, twenty minutes in the middle of a meal. Yes, it is!

45:14 Yes, it is! The world won't come to pieces if the meal is late. But if you don't teach your children this truth, they go on and what happens? Later on, then a husband is pierced and a wife is pierced and kids are pierced!

45:38 You say, pastor, who are you to talk? You get piercing in your preaching.

45:44 You're free to go to my children and ask them if this is the climate of our home. Ask them. And you say, well, you train them to be liars. They won't tell me the truth. No, I'm not afraid for you to ask. Ask my children. Ask them if the sword went into their gut through ungracious words from mom and dad. Whether everything was dropped until the issue was dealt with.

46:12 Ask them. I'm not afraid for you to ask them. I know what the answer will be. And there are many here who will bear witness that in personal dealings when I've had reason to believe that perhaps I pierced you and didn't fully do the work of the surgeon, I've asked your forgiveness, sought your forgiveness.

46:33 But there are some of you who never do this! You say, well, it's over and done. It's not! Over and done!

46:41 And don't teach your kids by example! It's over and done! We'll have a generation in Trinity Church going around with all the emotional and psychological hang-ups of internal bleeding.

46:58 And I don't want to be alive to try to shepherd such people.

47:03 Folks, this is serious business.

Eternal Values, Concealing Knowledge, and Encouraging Words (Proverbs 12)

47:06 The wonder by our words will be justified. And by our words will be condemned. There is that speaks. Rush like the piercings of the sword. But the tongue of the wise is health. Verse 19 The lip of truth shall be established forever. But a lying tongue is but for a moment. Whatever you may gain, you say to your children, whatever you may gain by lying, it is only for a moment.

47:39 Whatever you may lose or gain in the way of speaking truth will last forever. We need to teach them eternal values that hang on their speech.

47:52 Because I never realized what has all been right here. I haven't given you profound lessons on subtle nuances of Hebrew words. I'm just reading verses, making obvious comments.

48:07 Verse 22 of the same chapter, lying lips are an abomination to Jehovah.

48:14 But they that deal truly are His delight. Do you see how we come back to the foundational issue again? Mommy, why should I be honest? Because God delights in honest lips. Why shouldn't I lie just a little bit? Because it's an abomination to God. Son, you know why God hates lying so much? Do you have any idea? And you teach them why.

48:38 Because He's the God of truth. And we're made in His image. And we're made to reflect His image. And when we lie, we deface the image.

48:45 We misrepresent the God in whose image we've made. And that's why it's an abomination to God. And we need to teach our children there's no such thing as innocent lying, or they'll grow up and do the kind of innocent, quote, lying that some of you do in your business. Give the impression you're telling the whole truth when you know you're only telling part of the truth. When you go to sell a car, and someone says, look, I want you to shoot straight with me, and I'll shoot straight with you. What's been the track record of this car? And you tell them all the good things.

49:24 Usually I'm not under oath. The guy was selling me a car. He might not tell me the full story.

49:31 Lying lips are but for a moment. Whatever you gain by your lies, you've lost something far more precious. Verse 25 of the same chapter.

49:45 Sorry, we skipped one. Verse 23. A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims foolishness. Here we're back again to teaching our children that they don't need to be shooting off at the mouth.

49:59 Impressing people with everything they know every time they learn something new. They'll get the reputation for being little braggarts. Being precocious little big mouths. Now you're the one that controls that as a parent.

50:14 You're the one that says, now look, mommy's telling you this, daddy's telling you this, but you don't go around blabbing this to everyone. This is particularly necessary when children maturing at different levels of perspective in a number of things. People ask me, when's the right time to, tell my children the facts of life? When's the right time to tell them when they're not satisfied just to know that babies come from mommy's tummies and God is a way of having daddy put a seed in mommy's tummy? They want to know how the seed gets there.

50:45 And it's time to begin to speak to them of these things. I tell people, look, there's no age. I can't say you do this at seven, do this at nine, do this. It differs from child to child, home to home. The issue is you have a climate of integrity, an openness with your children, a free and open general communication that makes it very natural. You will know when it's the right time, but then you've got to be able to say to the child, look, this is something between mommy and daddy and you. This is not for you to be proclaiming abroad. When it's time, mommy and daddy will talk to your younger brother, to your younger sister. Sometimes it may be the other way around. Some kids' questions and spirit of inquiry dawns earlier than others, and it may be necessary to give the facts of life in a godly, biblical, sound, biological way with sound, biological terminology. Not a bunch of man-made prudish euphemisms that grow out of an unbiblical view of human sexuality, but a realistic, biblical view that sees the body as God's creation and therefore noble and dignified. And you may have to tell the eleven-year-old before you tell the twelve- or thirteen-year-old something.

52:04 But if you do not get hold of this text and pass it on to your kids that the prudent man conceals knowledge, they must learn that not everything they know is to be echoed through their mouths, and you've got to teach them this. And then verse 25, heaviness in the heart of a man makes it stoop. What a picture. Here a man has a heavy heart, and that heart is bent over like a man, bent over with a great burden or bent over with arthritis.

52:36 Heaviness makes it stoop. But what can make the man stand erect and smile again? Look, a good word makes it glad. This is the last text we can deal with because our time's gone.

52:49 I think we'll just carry on starting chapter 14 next week. This stuff's too crucial. I think that we're going to stick with it. But now I want to close on this note.

52:57 Have you ever thought that you have a responsibility to train your children how to develop the art of speaking a good word that will raise up a stooped heart? And do you think of ways to encourage them to do this with mommy and daddy and with their brothers and sisters? Maybe as a wife, you know your husband is particularly discouraged. Something's happened at work.

53:24 Have you taken your daughter aside and said to her, or your son, Daddy's kind of down in the dumps. Things haven't been going well at work. Why don't you go in and say to Daddy how much you appreciate him working so hard so you can have clothes on your back, food in your tummy, and a roof over your head. You go in and tell him.

53:46 They go in and pop up on Daddy's lap and say, Daddy, know what? I'm glad you work hard to provide food and shelter. And what's happened to Daddy's stooping heart? It stands upright again. You're teaching the child that a good word can call the stooping heart to stand upright. You teach them this. You train them in the holy art of encouragement. They're not going to learn it naturally.

54:18 You say, but Pastor Martin, I never was trained in that. Well, it's about time you start training yourself. You've got the Bible. You've got the Holy Ghost. You've got the example of the Lord Jesus. You have the same Bible everyone else has. And you've got to start learning this art. Of looking out for the person who seems to have a stooped spirit and speaking the word that will encourage them.

54:44 That's part of the nurture of our children. Then when they come to marriageable years, they don't have the messes we have on our hands as elders. Where husbands and wives don't have a clue how to build each other up. All they know how to do is tear each other down.

55:00 They amplify and irritate each other's weakness. This is why they never learn the art. Of speaking that good word to the stooped heart. You want your kids to have the same mess in their marriage?

Conclusion and Call to Continued Study

55:14 Then you stop it in yours. Begin to learn this art and pass it on by example and precept. May I urge you, if you've not been doing your homework, start chapter 14 and go through 14 to chapter 30 and mark in a way discernible to you all the references dealing with this godly admonition with respect to the righteous use of the tongue. And God willing we'll complete this study next Lord's Day. Let's pray.

55:49 Father, we marvel at the completeness of scripture. We marvel at how full it is, how rich it is, how there is nothing that it bypasses. And we pray as we've contemplated Solomon's admonitions to his son regarding the righteous use of his tongue. Oh Lord, help us as parents to nurture our children in similar admonition and then God, make us examples of the things to which we would admonish them. We ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

56:44 Please call us at 1-800-722-3584 or if you prefer, you can write us at the Trinity Book Service Post Office Box 569 Montville, New Jersey 07045