Closing Pastoral Admonitions/Encouragements to Parents

Introduction: Series Conclusion and Key Takeaways

0:02 How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children This is cassette number 40 in a series given by Pastor Albert N. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on January 5, 1992.

0:19 Unless I am given other directions by my fellow elders over the next couple of weeks, our study on how not to foul up the training of our children will come to a conclusion in our lesson this morning. And I do want to express my own sense of gratitude not only to God but to you, the Lord's people, for your expressions of appreciation for this series of studies. It has been, in a sense, the distillation of a lifetime of reflection upon these matters as they are taught in the Word of God and as I have sought to work them out in my own...

1:00 in my own life and have sought to help others work them out in their lives and in their experience as Christian parents. And I'm sure, if the Lord spares me, ten years from now I'll look back and see all the things that I wish I had stated differently, that I wish I had emphasized more fully, and the rest, but that's part and parcel of life in this present world where we see through a glass darkly. And only when we...

1:30 know as we are known will our knowledge be complete and so we commend the series to God and to the blessing of His grace. And I trust that as you who have been with us look back upon this series and forget many of the details, it is my prayer that there will be two things that you will never, never forget. And one is that God Himself is the perfect Father whom we are to imitate, in our parenting. And if you have that key in the pocket of your heart, then you will be able to go to the scriptures and again and again receive light and direction from the scriptures.

2:14 And then secondly, I hope you will never forget that the book of Proverbs is a uniquely given deposit of practical wisdom in this matter of godly parenting. Now what I propose to do in this last session, is to set before you some final pastoral admonitions and encouragements. Things that I trust you will bring to mind again and again as you undertake this noble task of seeking to fulfill the mandate of Ephesians 6-4, not to provoke your children to wrath, but to nurture them in the totality of their God-given humanity in the chastening and admonition, which are of the Lord. Up until now, all of the admonitions and directives have focused upon what we are to do with respect to our children. This morning is a set of pastoral admonitions and encouragements as far as what we do with ourselves as we undertake this task. And time permitting, I want to give you five very simple, straightforward pastoral encouragements and admonitions in the fulfillment of this task.

Admonition 1: Fulfill Duties Regardless of Results

3:35 Number one, determine to fulfill your parental duties according to the scriptures, regardless of the real, imagined, or apparent results. Determine to fulfill your parental duties according to the scriptures, regardless, and the word is regardless, not irregardless, that's an improper word, regardless of the real, imagined, or apparent results. Now, why do I give that admonition? It may seem so basic as to preclude even mentioning it. Well, we live in an age of pragmatism, and the theology of pragmatism is what works is good, and if it doesn't work, it must not be good. What works is worthy of implementation. What doesn't work is not worthy of implementation.

4:39 And that mentality, which is part and parcel of this present world system, is constantly seeking to squeeze the Christian into its mold. And Romans 12, 2 says, be not conformed to this world. Don't let the world squeeze you into, into its mold. And as we commit ourselves to the implementation of the biblical principles we've studied, there will be some very real results unfolding before our eyes.

5:12 There will be other results that we imagine will follow upon our obedience. For example, the parent who is coming to his first head-on confrontation with a teenager that is going to embarrass him before his peers, and the parent says, if I do that, I'll alienate the child. That's an imagined result. And if you allow that imagined result to influence the performance of your duty, you'll waffle.

5:42 So you see, I'm emphasizing that we do not perform these duties in terms of what we perceive to be real, imagined, or apparent results. For often what we see are only apparent results, the full story has yet to be told. But as Christians, we are committed to the perspective that by the strength of Christ, out of love to Christ, we'll obey the word of Christ, even if it means dying for Christ. That's a Christian.

6:20 He obeys the word of Christ, out of love for Christ, in the strength of Christ, even if that obedience means he must die, die for Christ at the hands of his own children. For Jesus said in Matthew 7, 21, not everyone who says unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father, which is in heaven. 1 John 2, 3 and 4, if a man say, I know him, hereby do we know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that say, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

7:00 John 10, 27, I know my sheep, Jesus says, and that statement is bounded by the two marks of the sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and they follow me. And Hebrews 5, 9 says, in being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation, unto all that obey him. And I would plead with you parents, that you determine to fulfill your parental duties according to the scriptures, regardless of the real, imagined, or apparent results.

7:41 Yes, you may experience periods of unrequited parental love, but Paul indicates in 2 Corinthians 12, that as a spiritual parent to the Corinthians, this did not affect the fulfilling of his duty. For he says in 2 Corinthians 12, 14, and 15, this is the third time I'm ready to come to you, and I will not be a burden to you, for I seek not yours, but you. For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. And I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls, if I love you more abundantly.

8:22 Am I loved the less? Be it so. Be it so. My duty as an abode, apostle, as a spiritual parent to you Corinthians, is to love you, to lay up spiritual store on your behalf, and even if my love is unrequited, I'm committed to fulfilling my duty of spiritual parenthood.

8:46 There's the paradigm for the godly parent. It may be that you will experience and exegete in your own heart all of those passages in Proverbs that speak, of the foolish child that is a grief to his mother, and a shame to his or her father. The whole doctrine of the foolish son. Look up the passages at your leisure, Proverbs 10.1, 13.1, 15.20, 17.25, and in almost every one of those passages, without exception, I went over all of them again yesterday in preparation. It is clear that the doctrine of the foolish child does not follow, notice on parental failure. It is the child who, in spite of the parent fulfilling his duty to give counsel, admonition, warning, and chastisement, is determined to destroy himself or herself by defiance of the parent's counsel. And if God should entrust you with the discipline of a foolish son or daughter in the midst of your grief, it is a wonderful thing to have a good conscience that you fulfilled your duty, not perfectly,

10:01 but in principle and purposely, in the strength of Christ, regardless of whether there was any apparent fruit. We come back again to the whole concept of stewardship, 1 Corinthians 4.3-5, where Paul, having spoken of his apostleship as a stewardship, and he says it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful. Then he says, it is a very little thing for me if I be judged of you or of man's judgment.

10:32 He that judges me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the time come, until the Lord come, who will both bring to light the hidden things of darkness. Then shall every man have his praise from God. I plead with you, dear parents, don't, don't, don't be bullied into pragmatism by the real, imagined, or apparent results of implementing biblical principles.

10:58 Determine to fulfill your parental duties according to the Scriptures as a Christian husband or wife, father or mother. You do this out of love to Christ, in the strength of Christ, willing, if necessary, to die for Christ in the pursuit of obedience to Him. My second admonition is this. Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed or crippled by a perfectionist mentality with respect to your efforts in parenting.

Admonition 2: Avoid Perfectionism

11:34 Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed or crippled by a perfectionist mentality with respect to your efforts in parenting. Perfectionism is defined in the dictionary as, quote, an obsessive striving for absolute perfection as in one's work. Now in our day, we have such sloppy standards when anyone has good and noble standards he's labeled a perfectionist. And I both resent and reject that term being used in that way.

12:11 Let a person be as meticulous as God's law is and he will be called a perfectionist. No, that's not a perfectionist. By definition, a perfectionist is one who has an obsessive striving for absolute perfection. And in the light of that, such a person is continually either paralyzed in the face of an anticipated duty or crippled with guilt after the performance of that duty.

12:47 You see, the perfectionist sees I must nurture my children in the chastening of the Lord. Now, surely I must apply the rod then according to the Scriptures and I must do it perfectly. And so he's reading all the books he can read. The child is six months, a year.

13:08 He's reading more books. Never once had a swab on his behind. Two years old, listening to more tapes, reading more books. Four years old, still knowing why.

13:19 Because he's so afraid he won't do it perfectly, he doesn't do it at all. His perfectionism paralyzes him. There comes a point where you have to say, Lord, I wish I knew better what to do. I wish I had a fuller understanding of what I'm about to do, but I must do something.

13:36 And according to the light I have and the grace I have, Lord, I'm going to do it in all that's deficient. Wash it in the blood of your Son and use it in spite of me, not because of me. And then you go ahead and do it. If that were not true, I wouldn't be here preaching this morning.

13:50 Do you think I'd ever come to the pulpit feeling I've got it all at hand if I had another whole week I couldn't improve on my production? A large day is a death knell to any perfectionism that's in my remaining sin. I've got to preach imperfect sermons and teach imperfect lessons week after week, month after month, decade after decade. I've been doing it for 40 years.

14:14 But there comes a moment of truth when you've got to do it and then say, Lord, if you can bless that, it's all of grace. But I did the best I could with what I knew and what I had, and I present it to you through the blood of Christ. And I say to you, dear parents, I plead with you. Don't allow yourself to be paralyzed or crippled by a perfectionist mentality with respect to your efforts at parenting.

14:39 You will be paralyzed on the front end before your action for fear of not doing it perfectly. And then, after you've done it, you'll carry on your back the monkey of false guilt and self-doubt about everything you did. You'll get further light down the road and you'll look back and say, oh boy, if I only knew then what I knew then I know now I would have done this different. And you're constantly going back and digging up in unbelief what you sowed in faith.

15:06 Now, I don't know who it was that said that to me as a young Christian, but it's been a great companion. Do not dig up in unbelief what you've sown in faith. And when, as a man or woman of faith, the moment of truth has come, there's a confrontation of your will and the child's will, you say, Lord, give me wisdom. I'm going to apply the rod of correction with the prefix.

15:29 I'm going to explain to the child why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm going to apply it reasonably until the will is broken with a controlled spirit. Anything else is child abuse. And then the suffix of prayer and repentance and reaffirmation of love and affection and acceptance.

15:49 And when you've done it, then you say, Lord Jesus, I committed to you for your blessing. I know it was imperfect. Press on to the things that are before. And if we do not get thoroughly purged from a perfectionist mentality, we will be constantly paralyzed before an anticipated duty and crippled with self-doubt and false guilt following the performance of a duty.

16:26 And a person who is a schizophrenic, half of him filled with tentativeness and the other half and guilt is in no position to be a sensitive, alert, caring, wise, sympathetic parent. So I plead with you parents, determined by the grace of God, that you will not allow yourself to be paralyzed or crippled with a perfectionist mentality. Take Philippians 2, 15 and 16 as well as a text that you lay down to your heart. I've been quoting most of the text because I have so many in the five exhortations I hope to cover. We wouldn't have time, but occasionally we'll turn to a passage and I'd like you to turn to this one. In Philippians chapter 3, did I say 2? I meant 3, where Paul is talking about his own perspective, forgetting the things that are behind and stretching forward to the things that are before.

17:29 Verse 15, Philippians 3, 15. Let us therefore, as many as are perfect, full grown, mature in Christ, be thus minded. It's a mark of maturity in Christ when you can forget what you're supposed to forget and look ahead to the things you're supposed to look ahead. Just as it's a mark of maturity when you don't forget the things you're not supposed to forget.

17:53 Your sins, your shortcomings, you're supposed to confess them to God and to man where necessary. And you're not to look forward with sinful anxiety, be anxious for nothing. Say not, where will we get our food and our drink and our clothing and our shelter? Here in this passage, Paul says it's a mark of maturity to have a holy forgetfulness of the past and a holy obsession with what lies before.

18:19 Let us therefore, as many as are perfect or mature, be thus minded and if anything, you are otherwise minded, this also shall God reveal unto you. If your forgetting and looking mentality is a mark of spiritual maturity and not playing head games about dealing with your sin and being preoccupied with sinful anxiety, it's a spiritual forgetfulness and looking ahead. You are in a frame of mind and heart where the spirit of God through the word of God and the means of grace will reveal anything that's contrary to that disposition. You don't need to be raking over the past.

18:59 The spirit of God will show you anything that is contrary to that perspective. Verse 16, Only where unto we have attained by the same rule, let us walk. In other words, I've come this far by these principles. Now until God shows me new life and new principles, I'm going to walk by the light and the grace that I presently have.

19:22 That's liberating. Knowing I'm far from perfect, I've got a long way to go. But I can only go the next step with what I presently understand and the present measure. And the present measure of grace I have.

19:34 God doesn't squeeze blood out of turnips. And you're not a turnip that God's always squeezing looking for blood. He knows our frame. He remembers that we are dust.

19:41 Like as a father pities his children, so he pities those who fear him. Am I making sense? I can't read you this morning. To me, this ought to be a liberating thing for some of you.

19:50 And I hope God will continue to use it. And some of you who are single, maybe you've sat through this series and said, man, it's so much easier to be a man than to be a woman. It's so much easier to be a man seeing all that and having all that light on the front end. I don't know if I want to get married and have kids.

20:10 Don't let it scare you away. God didn't ask you to do it perfectly. And remember, I'm speaking as one who's looking back over years of working at this. And who knows if the Lord spares me looking back another ten years, I'll see all the deficiencies in what I've delivered.

Admonition 3: Derive Principles from Scripture Alone

20:24 But I'm not going around on a constant guilt trip between now and ten years from now if they say give a series again. I'm parenting to liberating truth. Thirdly, and I'm right on track, not only do I exhort you to determine to fulfill your parental duties according to the scriptures regardless of the real, imagined, or apparent results, don't allow yourself to be paralyzed or crippled by a perfectionist mentality. And if I would think if I thought that dancing a jig and doing cartwheels I don't know if I can do any cartwheels.

21:00 I think I can still do some kip-ups. I'd do them to enforce this. And you always remember, oh, when Pastor Martin said that, he told me to cartwheel. That's when he stood on his head.

21:12 And if standing on my head would help enforce it, I think I could almost bring myself to stand on my head with a good conscience. I want you to hear this, all right? Now don't force me to do the ludicrous, please. Determine, determine to derive all of your major principles of parenting from the objective, Spirit-inspired, changeless Word of God in the scriptures.

21:35 As Elijah said, as illuminated by the Holy Spirit. Determine to derive all of your major principles of parenting from this book and this book alone as the Spirit of God gives you understanding in this book. Now, why do I emphasize this? For the simple reason that Isaiah 8-20 says, to the law and to the testimony.

22:04 If they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in the world. There is no light in them. And some of you are not sufficiently grounded in the raw materials of the Bible's teaching on parenting to be trusted, to be always listening to Dr. Dobson and always reading Focus on the Family.

22:24 And I know some of you do and frankly it concerns me. Because only a mature, knowledgeable Christian can filter out the humanism that's in Dr. Dobson. Dear man, a godly Christian has every reason to believe he's a real man of God with a real burden.

22:45 I cast no aspersion upon his character. But so much of what he sets forth is not that which grows out of expounding the scriptures. And much of that by his own admission. And it grieves me that some of you are getting your minds filled with major principles from secular psychology rather than the word of God.

23:13 2 Timothy 3 16 and 17 says all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine for reproof for correction instruction in righteousness that the man of God may be one third complete waiting for psychology and anthropology to complete him know that the man of God may be complete thoroughly furnished unto every good work. And you set yourself to the good work of rearing nurturing your children in the chastening and admonition of the Lord determined to derive all of your major principles of parenting from this objective spirit inspired changeless standard of the word of the living God. Now what will that mean? Well it will mean first of all that you constantly search the scriptures for light and understanding open thou my eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. You'll be amazed how when you're wrestling with a problem with one of your children and having your regular devotions with a heart open as a parent to know the mind of God some obscure passage that you never thought had any relevance suddenly that passage will come into focus and you'll say Lord there's the principle

24:42 that's the very key to this situation and you will find the sufficiency of the word of God. Read proven commentaries on the relative passages and relevant passages. Ephesians 4 11 says God has given pastors and teachers for the perfecting of the saints that they be no longer children tossed to and fro by every wind of doctrine. One can be utterly confused by the clots of Christian books on parenting nine-tenths of which aren't worth the ink on which they're printed because they're anecdotal they're experiential they are not exegetical and theological and we need theology and exegesis to give us our principles of parenting and so I urge you get bridges on Proverbs read the comments on the relevant passages use old Matthew Henry use Hendrickson on Ephesians chapters five and six and Colossians chapter three use hogs proven men of God who've left a legacy as Christ given pastors and teachers to the church fourth word of counsel read books that open up the scriptures on the issues of parenting and if you look at the book I was looking at one the other day on singleness in conjunction with another

26:11 responsibility and lo and behold it started out with anecdotes it concluded with anecdotes and though I plowed through the whole thing speed reading many sections gleaned just a little handful of things I could not recommend that book it's just the experience of a single man and a single woman and how they wrote this book and all the jollies they got writing it but for anyone concerned about the scriptures they would have come away frustrated and there are all kinds of books out there because relating issues are the in thing in the Christian church today and people are just making books hand over fist because there is such a hunger in this area you need to be careful and while we would never never approach becoming Romanist with an approved book list it might not hurt some of you before you buy a book and read it to ask someone knowledgeable enough to make an intelligent assessment do you think this would be worth my while reading to the pharmacist and say would you mind taking a little recess and go along the shelf and say oh this medicine I think this would be good for me and oh I think that would be good for me no you trust that someone who knows what is in those bottles and the various side effects and what things they are addressed to you say well don't I have the Holy Spirit

27:39 yes yes but the same Holy Spirit I'm not minimizing the ministry of the Spirit I'm simply reflecting the Biblical teaching that there are babes and young men and mature men and women in Christ and you chance God if you are not mature in your knowledge of the Word of God by exposing yourself to everything that is found on the printed page that purports to be guidance in parenting from a Christian perspective then I would urge you to listen to tapes that again spend time expounding the Scriptures Pastor McGeerman's series on parenting Pastor Gary Hendricks series Pastor Nichols series done some years ago on the molding of our children if the work is not one that takes you to the Scriptures and opens up the Scriptures then you don't want it and then my fifth line of counsel is if you are going to have all your major principles of parenting from the Scriptures inquire of those who are older and wiser and the older women are to teach and that word for teach does not mean formal teaching in a class it's referring to teaching by example and informal interaction that they are to train the younger women in the fulfillment of their domestic responsibilities now notice I said get all your major principles of parenting from the Scriptures

29:08 now why did I use that term major principles because the Scriptures are not going to give you specific details on good manners there you'll have to get a secular book on what are good manners in present late 20th century American culture the Bible is not going to give that to you but once you've got your principles that undergird the necessity of manners now you can get a secular book on good manners and use it all things are yours and you can use a good book on nutrition you can read a good book on physical conditioning you can read books that are not even purporting to be an exposition of the Bible in the outworking of some of the details of the parental task and lest anyone go out and say oh Pastor Martin said all you need is your Bible I didn't say that but what I am saying is determine to derive all of your major principles of parenting from the Word of God as illuminated by the Holy Spirit Colossians 3 16 says let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly teaching and admonishing one another let us seek then as God brings scripture to light in our experience of parenting when we get together to share what God has taught us not to impose

Admonition 4: Remember Long-Term, Eternal Dividends

30:37 our particular application down to the third and fourth degree but to say here's a passage and you share that one with another and so the body makes increase of itself in love alright exhortation number four and we're still right on schedule it's ten after always remember oh dear parents hear me now always remember that you're involved in an enterprise that is yielding long term dividends for good or for evil now why do I say this well for this simple reason amidst all the pressures and the tyranny of the immediate we can easily forget that we're dealing with immortal never dying souls that we can easily forget that we're dealing with immortal souls that will either join the chorus of the redeemed in heaven singing praise to the lamb or join the cacophony of screeching screaming howling voices in hell weeping

32:06 wailing and gnashing their teeth the issues of eternity surround the climate of your home and if anything you who are not giving yourself to the creation of that climate that we described on the front end of this series a climate of warmth of love of acceptance and goodwill a climate of tension and bitterness and rancor and anger is conditioning your children to be the angels in hell they've got enough in their hearts that pulls them in the direction of hell without you pushing them there quicker by a climate that is absolutely contradictory to the gospel that you say you believe that's the issue at stake and the next time you're tempted to vent your anger the next time you're tempted by the elements of that time all that can kill you yes there's no practical answer to

33:35 that that yet that might not really mean much but that it can do things right for you we must be we I know Pharisee, you bind burdens you won't bear. If you've got the parenting mentality, do as I say, not as I do, God condemns you as a hypocrite. You're to be able to say, follow me as I follow Christ. When you're tempted not to tighten the screws on some area of your own life, remember, you will pass on that sin and weakness to your children, and they will in turn pass it on to the third and the fourth generation.

34:18 This is serious stuff. Well, water rich in lime drops a good bit of time, and as the water evaporates, carbonate of lime builds up until you have these mighty structures inside caves. Well, that's what building character is like, a drop at a time, a drop at a time, a drop at a time, a drop at a time, a drop at a time. And that's where we as parents need to constantly remind ourselves. When the child walks...

35:26 When the child walks out of his room and has not picked up his clothes, and when he hollers when one of the kids are sleeping, and when he takes something and doesn't say please or thank you, and you don't stop no matter what you're doing to deal with it, what you are doing by that sin of omission is you're building a selfish character. That's what you're doing. But when you're determined by the grace of God patiently, patiently, what's the magic word, and nothing goes into their hands without please, and it doesn't remain in their hands without thank you, you're developing the character of a grateful person. At least, even if they don't become a Christian, a decent person who'll be a little bit of light and salt in common grace in a crassly, rude, selfish society. When you make your son...

36:31 Open the door for his sisters. And when you make him show preference to girls, you're building the character of a man who will dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and will make her feel cherished rather than a mere object to serve his needs. And you don't build it any other way but stalactite, stalactite, stalactite, drop at a time, drop at a time, drop at a time. That's how character is formed.

37:04 For time, eternity, and unborn generations. I tell you, that's enough to scare anybody from saying, Lord, who's sufficient for these things. But those are realities, dear people. I'm not making this up to sell a case on you.

37:12 It is true that our impact as parents will come to fruition in eternity in unborn generations. And oh, for Hannes, who built his own house in the innermost, and built up his own home in the innermost. Let's pray for him. Let's pray for him.

37:20 Let's pray for him. Let's pray for him. Let's pray for him. Let's pray for him.

37:28 Let's pray for him. Let's pray for him. into their lives lives of their little ones such principles that they can't escape them throughout the rest of their days and the mother of Moses that's the most amazing thing it's a little lab he goes into Pharaoh's palace yet he had learned enough in that godly home that under the blessing of the Spirit of God when he came to years and he'd been surrounded with everything that could appeal to his flesh he says no I refuse to be called son of Pharaoh's daughter and choose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season and all for a eunice and the Lois grandmother and mother of Timothy from a child breath us a nursing babe thou hast known the holy writings which are able to make me wise of the salvation Paul could say the unfeigned faith the real thing that dwelt in my grandmother Lois and in my mother eunice and I am persuaded in thee also though apparently his father was an unbeliever he was a Greek he's not mentioned as a believer and that dear woman had the burden of a divided home she had the vision of molding the life

38:50 and that life became a unique companion to the Apostle he said I have no man like-minded who will naturally care for yourself you're not going to be able to do that you're not going to be able to do that you're not going to be able to do that state only Timothy dear mothers pray that God will give you the vision your greatest ministry hidden as it were in the relative obscurity of that home may be the molding of the Timothy the molding of a Hannah will give birth to a sample was listening recently to a sermon of dr. aw tozers and he made the very cryptic striking comment that most of God's greatest works are done in the dark he went right back to creation darkness was upon the page of the deep and then God spoke he spoke of the darkness of Mary's womb when the Holy Ghost came upon her and the Son of God was conceived in her womb and he spoke of the darkness of Calvary when God redeemed his people from hell the curse and as I've reflected on this ministry you know in a very real sense the task of parenting is a work done in the darkness the world is screaming at you women make your mark out in the world make it in the corporate ladder make it in the

40:10 workplace be your own person structure stuff show anything he can do I can do better what a cursive wretched thing it's an obsession with them now now these are the very women screaming to the medical profession help us to bear healthy normal kids at age 45 as we made it in the career world we're going to be able to do it and we found we haven't gotten all we thought we could out of life can only deny what you are for so long and what you are will out may God give you the vision Lord I'm building for eternity for unborn generations don't ever forget you're involved in an enterprise that's yielding long-term dividends for good or for evil then my final word of encouragement above all else as Paul would say at the end of his letters above all well that's what I'm doing in the Pauline mentality above all else bathe the entire child rearing endeavor in fervent persistent believing prayer above all else bathe the entire

Admonition 5: Bathe Endeavor in Fervent Prayer

41:29 child rearing endeavor in fervent persistent believing prayer remember these texts James 4, verses 2 and 3, text which ought continually to be driven into our consciences and at the level of consciousness affect us. You have not because you ask not. You ask and receive not because you ask amiss. Here we are encouraged to ask and to believe that if we do not ask, we will not receive.

42:12 But to be sure that in our asking, we ask according to the principles of the word of God. Again, the Lord's simple, straightforward words in Matthew 7, 13 and 14. Ask and it shall be given you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened unto you.

42:31 For every one that asketh, receiveth. And he that seeketh, findeth. And to him that knocketh, it shall be opened. And what are we to cry to God for?

42:43 Well, let me give you a few suggestions for yourself as a parent. Pray that God will give you the grace of humility to own your sins and failures before your children.

42:59 To walk in transparent godliness before your children. They need to know in a world...

43:04 They need to know in a world of sham and double talk, cynicism toward politicians and anyone in leadership. They need to be able to say from the depth of burning conviction, Nobody in the world may be for real, but my mom and my dad are real. They need that tremendous stability that comes from knowing they've encountered somebody real. They don't expect perfection of you, but they sure expect honesty, transparency, and humility, and they have every reason to expect it.

43:41 Pray for it. Pray for the grace of patience and persevering endurance. The grace of patience and persevering endurance. It's so wearisome.

43:55 At any stage, you who are spending all your time changing diapers and heating bottles and the rest, you think, will I ever get out of this round into something more meaningful? Then it seems when they can go to the bathroom on their own and eat their...

44:09 their food on their own that you forever happen to correct them for this and that and spank them for this. And you say, is there any end to this? All for a time when they're older and I can communicate more meaningfully. And then you say, and you say, will there be anything else but questions?

44:26 Why, mommy? Why, mommy? How, daddy? Why, daddy?

44:30 You say, all for a time when they get some questions answered and we can talk. And then they get old enough to talk and they begin to express their own opinions. And you say, oh, for a time when God will bring their minds subject to the Scriptures. You see, don't think it's going to get easier at some point down the road.

44:48 It isn't. Stop daydreaming. Live to the hilt, the will of God, in the strength of God that comes from waiting upon God. For they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

45:01 Pray for the grace of humility and transparency. For the grace of patience and endurance. For the grace of holy wisdom. If there's any text you ought to wear out in your Bible, it's James 1.5.

45:14 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God. I've told people if there are verses that could be worn out by using them, there's two that I would have worn out a long time ago. James 1.5 and 1 John 1.9.

45:26 If we confess our sins, it's faithful and just to forgive. If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God. But they're not worn out. All the promises of God are yea and amen in Christ.

45:37 And I say it reverently, those promises come to us. Every time we need them, as though God had freshly created them and dipped them in the blood of his Son and says, here they are, they're yours, in the blood of the everlasting covenant, secured to you by the death of my Son. Take them, plead them, lay hold of them in faith. And then we'll need to pray for courage.

46:00 Joshua 1. Be strong and of good courage, God says to Joshua. To what end? To do all that is written in this book.

46:09 Amen. You and I need courage as parents to do all that's written in this book concerning us. We need courage to confront our children. Courage to stand against the tide of the current child-rearing philosophy in our present age.

46:25 It has recently stuck a knife into at least one of our couples.

46:30 Unable to have children, longing to adopt children, they faced a sheet of paper from a so-called Christian adoption agency in which they had to pledge they would not spank any child that was put in their hands.

46:47 They had the courage to stick the knife in their own heart because they couldn't sign that pledge to the good cause.

46:54 We need courage. Courage. Because you may have some neighbor who overhears your child crying when you're giving not a child abuse, thrashing with your tongue or with a rod, but a sanctified, spirit-filled application of discipline. And all they need to do is call a bureaucratic agent connected with Dyphus and someone can be on your doorstep in a half an hour demanding entrance into your home.

47:24 Courage. Courage. Courage! And we get it by going to God in prayer.

47:32 And then for our children, what do we pray for them? Well, first and foremost, for their everlasting salvation. Take Romans 9-1 and Romans 10-1 and following and make them your own. Paul said, My heart's desire and prayer, to God for my fellow Israelites is that they might be saved.

47:53 The tithes that bound him by blood to those fellow Jews became the burden or the framework of a peculiar burden for their salvation. And he said, I have great heaviness and continual sorrow for my brethren, my kinsmen, according to the flesh. And dear parents, you and I will carry a continual burden for each of us. Our children, until we have reason to believe on the basis of the word of God, that they are vitally united to the Lord Jesus.

48:27 Cry to God for their everlasting salvation. Pray, secondly, that God will give them a teachable spirit, that all of the native pride and rebellion and stubbornness of their hearts will be restrained by God.

48:43 Thirdly, pray that the rod will do its sanctifying work, driving out, not foolishness. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child. Proverbs 22, 15, But the rod of correction drives it far from him, not automatically, but only with the blessing of God. Pray that God will make your admonitions effectual.

49:09 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but not automatically, only with the blessing of God. Pray that God will be preparing their future mate. Pray that God will be preparing them for their place in this world. Those are the kinds of things that we ought to be crying to God for, so that when the time comes, and he or she comes and says, Dad, Mom, I believe I've met Miss Wright.

49:37 I've met Mr. Wright. And sit down and say, Well, tell me about it. Oh, this, this, this and this.

49:43 Yes, but what about this, this and this? Well, why do you ask? Because that's what your mom and I have been praying about for years. And God would give you a woman that knows Christ by something other than hearsay.

49:56 A woman that's committed to the biblical standards of what it is to be a godly woman and wife and mother. You've talked about her brains, and you've talked about her form and her face and her educational background. But son, you've said nothing about her eminent godliness. You've said nothing about her biblical perspectives on being a wife and a mother.

50:19 Well, I really haven't examined those yet. Well, son, we're not going to rejoice that she's the answer to our prayers till we have evidence that that's what it is. Reverse it with your daughters. You see, if you've not been praying for that, how are you going to have any clout when you speak to your kids?

50:36 You're laying up a store now against that day. And so I urge you, above all else, in all of this massive endeavor of seeking to mold our children by the biblical means that we've examined over these many weeks, bathe the entire endeavor in fervent, persistent, believing prayer. And then, as you think of the task, take to your heart, as a word of encouragement, that simple promise of Philippians 4 and verse 13, I can do all things through him who strengthens me. And Christ, in the fullness of his grace, stands ready to assist us as we give ourselves to do what he's called us to do, no matter how massive the task appears to be. And I trust that God will, above all else, make us eminent in prayer. And those of you who look back and say, well, I wish I could turn the clock back, but I can't. My nest is empty.

Conclusion: Call to Prayer for All Believers

51:44 I don't have any direct influence in the molding of the children. Oh, don't discount this last point. I beg all of you who are older and whose family has grown, now. I ask that you pray for yourself in a way you never could, when it was mommy this and daddy that, and mommy this and daddy the other.

52:04 Pray that God will give you unique ministry of prayer. One of the reasons we include the minor children in our church directory is that we can pray for them by name and plead with God on behalf of the children of this church. Their mothers would love to spend more time alone with God than dads. But they cannot.

52:25 The sheer pressure of having to fulfill their duties includes lengthier seasons of intercession. But those of us who do not have those duties, we can stand in the gap on their behalf and plead with God for the salvation of these children, for their molding into true, mature, godly, responsible men and women, well-educated in the biblical sense, well-mannered, cultured, dignified, refined, men and women. Those words are like something out of another age, aren't they? Everything that's bombarding them, that finds its epitome in the mindless jumping-around life of the popular rap groups, the words cultured, dignified, noble, they don't fit. Everything is base and animal. Don't anyone say, well, that's your cultural prejudice. No.

53:31 of culture friends it's a matter of the realities of what is expressed in these modern so-called musical and popular art forms lawlessness baseness lack of dignity everything that is antithetical to the standard we have set from the word of god may god help us to pursue these things with all of our heart in dependence upon the living god let us pray our father we have indeed felt again the sobriety of the task that is laid upon us we cry with the apostle paul who facing his peculiar responsibilities as a servant of christ had to exclaim who is sufficient for these things but we thank you that with him we may say while we are not sufficient of ourselves to think anything as from ourselves yet our sufficiency is of you you by the spirit can make us competent parents under the blessings of the new covenant and we pray that your grace would keep us from anything less than biblical standards preserve us from the

54:55 curse of a carnal perfectionism keep us our father from prayerlessness keep us by your grace from being intimidated by our children or by the world and may we take our posture and position in your will nobly in the strength of christ with a good conscience prepared to give an account in the last day for the discharging of this noble task Hear our cry, cleanse us from all of our sins Peculiar to our role as parents And grant us a generation that will outstrip us In godliness, in zeal, in usefulness Because by your grace Men and women have been willing to make this long-term investment At any cost short of sin Hear us and bless these truths to our hearts We plead through the Lord Jesus Amen You have been listening to How Not to Foul Up the Training of Your Children By Pastor Albert N. Martin These cassettes are distributed by the Trinity Book Service If you would like a free listing of other audio cassettes and books

56:19 Please call us at 1-800-722-3584 Or if you prefer You can write us at the Trinity Book Service Post Office Box 569 Montville, New Jersey 07045