Proverbs 15:1, 2

The Power of Soft vs. Grievous Answers

0:00 Chapter 15, verses 1 and 2. Here was one of the passages with which I was brought up as a child, and I thank God for it. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a grievous word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise utters knowledge aright, but the mouth of fools pours out folly.

0:24 Two ways to answer. Brother, sister has done something that was wrong. They deserve to be rebuked. There's two ways to do it.

Childhood Lessons on Conflict Resolution

0:33 One is the harsh answer, and what does that do? That stirs up anger, and before long you've got to fight. The other is the soft answer. And as my parents would do, if two of us were fighting, and they came into the midst of it, well, she started it, she said this, no, no, he did this.

0:53 You having a fight? Yes. Well, you both get it, and we'll sort out who started it later. But there's...

0:57 There can't be a fight without two people, so you both get it. It was academic who started it, because if one of us had given the soft answer, it would have turned away wrath. And then this text got preached into us. And how many times it has saved a church split in Trinity Church, coming up in our 25th year, and we've never had a church split in this place.

Preserving Church Unity Through Soft Answers

1:17 We've never had a congregational meeting where angry words have been spoken. And much of that, not all of it, but much of it, is the fruit of...

1:27 My parents faithfully pounding this verse into my conscience. There are times when different ones of you have come to me and said, Pastor, how in the world could you have fielded that insulting question from one of the members? That question assumed that you and your fellow elders and the deacons are a bunch of dummies. How in the world could you stand there and take that and answer as though it were an intelligent and gracious question?

1:57 It was so selfish. Self-insulting. I practically burned a hole through the pew sitting there. I've said, because a soft answer turns away wrath.

Responding to Insulting Questions in Ministry

2:06 Now, you've got to call me a liar. And if so, then please get up and walk out of this place and go somewhere else where you've got a true man in the pulpit. Or believe me when I say, I've had ones of you sitting there come to me. I haven't come to you and said, oh boy, wasn't that something that I had to put up with?

2:21 No, but you've picked up on it. And you knew that the question was arrogant. It was spoken by someone full of himself. Full of pride.

2:31 It was absolutely demeaning. You think I didn't feel it, being demeaned before several hundred people by a stupid question? It'd be like me saying to Dr. Rule today, who's been up here to take his board certification for family physician, Dr. Rule, do you know what an elbow is?

An Analogy of Professional Demeanor

2:47 Do you know what blood pressure is? Do you know how to take a blood pressure? You'd say, Pastor Martin, that's insulting to a certified physician. Yes, it is.

2:56 But he could respond two ways. And say, well, I just happened to. This is an elbow. I say, oh, thank you.

3:05 And then he gets out his, what, sphygmometer? Is that the right word for it, Gary? And he says, this is how you take the blood pressure. Stretch your arm out.

3:12 And puts the cuff on. Oh, thank you. What's happened? The soft answers turned away round.

The Consequences of a Harsh Response

3:18 He could answer and say, what do you mean, do I know what an elbow is? Do you know what genesis is? Hey, buddy, don't get smart with me. Remember your age.

3:26 I'm old enough to be your father. Yeah, well, remember. I spent a lot more years in school than you did. And before long, we could have a verbal fight.

3:34 Why? Because he did not respond with the soft answer that turns away round. You've got to teach your children this. Where?

Parental Responsibility to Teach Soft Answers

3:41 In the context of the home where they're speaking grievous words that stir up anger. And you step in. You say, Pastor Martin, you're laying a horrible burden on us. No, I didn't lay it on you.

3:53 God did. Nurture your children in the admonition of the Lord. That's your task. That's your responsibility under God.

4:02 That's your responsibility under God.