Responsibility of Children

Introduction and Review of Parental Responsibilities

0:00 The following sermon was delivered on Sunday evening, September 3rd, 2000, at the Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey.

0:11 Now let us turn together to the book of Ephesians, Paul's letter to the Ephesians. And I shall read in your hearing the passage that I read this morning. And we will pray, and I will seek to condense the exposition of this morning into about seven minutes. And then we will press on in our consideration of this passage of God's word.

0:40 Ephesians 6 and verse 1.

0:47 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well-treated. That it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord.

1:14 Servants, or slaves, be obedient unto them that according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart as unto Christ, not in the way of eye service as men please, but as servants or slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with good will doing service as unto the Lord, and not unto men, knowing that whatsoever good thing each one does, the same shall he receive again from the Lord, whether he be bond or free. And you masters, or you lords, do the same thing unto them,

1:59 and forbear threats, knowing that he who is both their Lord and yours is in heaven, and there is no respect of persons with him. Well, let us again pray and ask God to give us of the manner of his word as we pray and look to him for the ministry of his spirit. Let us pray. Our Father, we do desire to know what it is to have your Holy Spirit presently active, illuminating, our minds, influencing our hearts, that we might receive your word with understanding, with faith,

2:43 and with a spirit of obedience. And as I seek to open up your word, I desire to say that this word came not in word only, but also in the Holy Spirit and in power. And so as preacher and people, we look up to you, acknowledging, that what we need most we cannot bring to this time, you must freely and graciously grant it to us. And so we come asking, asking in the confidence that if you have told us that you delight to give good gifts to your children, that you delight to give the Spirit to those who ask,

3:26 that our asking is not in vain, but that we have biblical warrant to ask in the hope and in the confidence, that you will answer for the good of our souls and for the glory of your name. Hear us then as we are bold to plead this mercy from you through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

3:54 Now as I prayerfully considered what I should preach on this Lord's Day, which is a part of the Labor Day weekend, two factors weighed very heavily in my mind. The first is that I was aware of a number, a number of our own people who would not be here on this Lord's Day, and I did not want to start the new series on the life of the church that most of you know will be forthcoming. And then secondly, with the opening of school and returning to school for many of you and going back into the normal patterns of work and of labor with the summer vacation behind us, I felt it would be helpful from a pastoral standpoint to consider,

4:39 a portion of the Word of God that focuses upon the matter of children and their nurture and the responsibilities of parents to those children and the responsibilities of the children to their parents, and then a watershed passage dealing with the employer-employee relationship and with a biblical perspective on the subject of work and of labor. And so I have chosen to come to this passage, which we looked at this morning, and again this evening and God willing will complete this brief series of studies next Lord's Day morning. Now I want to take just a few moments to review what we covered this morning.

5:20 We noted first of all as an introduction to our study of the passage how pervasively God centered Paul's treatment of these two subjects of the parent-child, child-parent relationship, servant-master, master-servant relationship, how pervasively God centered his treatment is. We see that five times the word Lord occurs referring to our Lord Jesus Christ. Two times Paul makes reference to Christ. One time he refers to God.

5:59 And so within the space of what is in our Bibles, nine verses, eight references to the Godhead. Eight references to the fact that we cannot think as we ought to think about the parent-child relationship, the child-parent relationship, servant-master, master-servant. We cannot think as we ought unless we think with this theocratic, this theocentric perspective. As Paul writes these words under the inspiration of the Spirit, he is standing on these three massive granite building blocks, of all proper thought about all of life.

6:42 He is standing on that block of the rights of God as creator and lawgiver, the role of God as judge and rewarder, and the relationship to Christ as Savior and Lord as a key to understanding how we are to conduct ourselves in all of these relationships. Then we proceeded to consider verses one to four, reversing the order in which we find these directives in the Scripture, and look together at verse four, in which God sets before parents their task in relationship to their children. And the task itself is defined as nurturing their children.

7:25 And you fathers nurture them. And then we proceeded, having defined what nurture is, to look at four aspects of the nature of that nurture. Its climate is to be one of sweet reasonableness. You fathers do not provoke your children to anger, or in the parallel passage in Colossians, do not provoke them so as to make them discouraged, disheartened, dispirited.

7:58 In all of our training and nurture of our children, we must studiously avoid unrighteous demands, partiality and favoritism, hypocrisy and sham, injustice and undue severity, and everything that would unnecessarily provoke them to anger on the one hand, or to discouragement on the other. That's the climate of our nurture. Then the scope of the nurture, we are to nurture them. We are to nurture them in all that makes them them, as creatures made in the image of God, as those who have fallen in Adam, and as those who are salvable

8:42 in Jesus Christ. We are not to nurture just their souls, not to nurture just their minds, we are not to nurture just their intellects. We are to nurture them. The totality of what makes them them is to be the focus of that nurture.

9:01 And then we looked at what the text says about the means of that nurture. It is to be nurture by means of chastening and admonition, training and discipline, instruction and correction, all of which in the fourth place in the context of the Lord. That is, a nurture and a training that derives its authority from the Lord, is framed by the precepts of the Lord, that constantly sets before the children, that standing above us and behind us and over us and beneath us, in all of our attempts to nurture them, is the authority of the Lord

9:44 Himself. And then I made some concluding applications to parents, to children, and to all who have any part in the nurturing process. Well, that's a very selective and albeit inadequate review for you who are not here, and you want to get some of that. Thank you.

The Command to Obey Parents

10:01 That's the full nine yards that's available from the Trinity pulpit. Now tonight we come to consider the responsibility of children. And children, your responsibility is really very simple. Very simple. Look at your Bibles and see what it says. Children, obey your

10:21 parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. What is your responsibility, children, to your parents and to anyone to whom your parents give any part of the nurturing process? Your babysitters, your teachers, your Sunday school teachers. What is your responsibility? Very simply, you are to obey them and you too are

10:54 to honor them. So say to yourself, in the first person, my responsibility is to obey and to honor my parents. That's it. You see, in terms of what mom and dad have to do, your job description is very simple. To nurture you, there's an awful lot they need to know.

11:17 A lot more they need to do all the time. And all God tells you to do is obey them and to honor them. And you don't need to know a lot to obey your mommy and daddy. You don't need to know a lot in order to do that. So what does that mean? It's a little bit like

11:31 your mom and dad, and you don't need to know a lot in order to obey and honor them. That's all you have to do in order to know what your job is. And you have to do it. That's what's so important.

11:32 order to honor them. Your job description from the Lord is relatively simple. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Honor your father and your mother. Now, if you look at your Bibles, you will

11:47 notice that there are these two commands, and after the first one, children, obey your parents, a reason is given for that command. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for, here's the reason, this is right. Then the second command, honor your father and your mother, and now the reason is given why you ought to obey that. It is the first or front-rank commandment with promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. So we're going to look at them in that

12:20 order. The command to obey your parents and its reason, and then the command to honor your father and your mother and the reason given. First of all, then, the command to obey your parents and its reason. When the Apostle Paul, guided by the Holy Spirit, wrote the words, children, obey your parents, what does that word obey mean? There are several words for obedience that Paul could have used, but the Holy Spirit

12:51 guided him to use a word which simply means, listen to what they say and do it. Now, that's what he said. Listen to what they say and do it. Johnny, take out the garbage. Listen to what

13:12 mommy says and move your feet toward the place where the garbage is and carry it out to the garbage bin. Children, obey your parents. Obey your parents, what they say and do it. This is the word used when Jesus spoke to the disciples. He said, listen to what they say and do it. Now, that's

13:34 the essential period we need to live for. When we say, obey your parents, what they say and do it, people say, oh believe. And overcome your parent. Listen to what they say and do it. It's lyrical, they say it. His story is commonly forgotten.

14:05 He said, obey your parents and listen to what they say and do it and do it. What does the word mean, children? Listen to what they say and do it. That's the essence of the command, essence of the command. Now, who are the objects of this command? Who are you to listen to and do

14:34 what they say? The text says, children, obey your, who are your parents? We read down, it's your mama and your daddy. I would say if I were down south and I wanted the kids to understand what I was saying. It's your mama and your daddy. Your mother and your father, if you're more proper. It's your

14:58 mother and your father, and as we saw today, anyone whom your mama and your daddy put in their place for any part of the nurture. When mommy and daddy send you to the Yamaha class to learn how to play your violin, if you're left-handed or right-handed, however you do it, your violin teacher becomes part of this command. Obey your parents as they seek to nurture you. Whoever they bring in, they will be your mother and your father.

15:29 They bring you into that circle of nurturing you, and they are there with your parents' consent and your parents' desire. They are included in this command. So, what are you to do? You're to listen and do what you're told. To whom are you to give this obedience? To your parents, to your mother, and to your

15:53 father, to your teachers, your babysitters, your Sunday school instructors, anyone who comes into your school. You're to listen and do what you're told. To whom are you to give this obedience? Any parent swing into that circle of accomplishing the nurturing task, with the cooperation and will and directive of your parents. Thirdly, what is the extent of this command? When are

16:12 you to listen to what they say, and do it? Well here, it doesn't give us any real details, does it? It says, children, obey your parents in the Lord. But in how many things should we obey them?

16:28 Well, if we turn over to Colossians 3, what we call a parallel passage, and you parents, excuse me, I'm talking to the kids tonight, you can listen in, but I'm preaching to the kids the way I preach to them in the chapel, all right? So you forgive me. You just have to bear with me. I'm going to put on my kid's preacher's cap, all right?

16:45 All right. Now, a parallel passage, kids, is another passage which speaks about the same thing, but often in a little different way, all right? So in the book of Colossians, notice the apostle writes in verse 20, children, obey your parents in all things. Aren't those nice, simple words? In, one syllable. All, one syllable. Things, one syllable. Not even any two-syllable words.

17:17 Listen to what they say. Obey and do it in all things. Now, does that mean all things, regardless of what they ask you to do? Well, obviously, it doesn't mean you're to obey them if they tell you to do something that contradicts God's law.

17:35 Your mother or your father told you to go steal something from the neighbor's kid. God has already said you shall not steal. You would have to politely say, Mom, Dad, I cannot listen to and do what you've told me. Because I would be disobeying God. But what is assumed in these passages is that these parents, remember, are seeking to nurture you in the discipline and in the admonition that comes from the Lord, that their commands and their directives are not going contradictory, are not contradicting God's word, but their commands and their directives are an expression of God's will as revealed in the Bible.

18:20 And so God says, this is to be the extent of your obedience. Children, obey your parents in all things. The same way God said to wives in Ephesians 5, 24, so ought the wives to be subject to their husbands in everything. The only exception being directives that would contradict the clearly revealed will of God.

18:51 What are you to do? You're to obey them. Listen to what they say and do it. Who are you to do this with? Your parents, your mother and your father, and anyone who mom and dad put into your life to help nurture you. The extent of this command, you are to obey them in all things.

The Context of Obedience: 'In the Lord'

19:12 And what's to be the context? Now, kids, context means the surrounding things. The context of my preaching to you is this pulpit. This platform, the beams, that's the setting in which I'm preaching to you. Now, what's the setting? The context in which this obedience is required. Look at the passage again.

19:33 Children, obey your parents in the Lord. The context, the atmosphere of your obedience, Paul describes as being in the Lord. Now, what does he mean? Well, I believe this is what he means.

19:51 This is what he means. This is my own private opinion. It's shared by several of the commentators that I've consulted. Parents are to nurture you in the discipline, the training, and the admonition of the Lord.

20:05 That is, the Lord's will, the Lord's word, the Lord's presence, the Lord's revealed purposes are to surround the parents' endeavor to nurture the children. And the children, as they obey, are to recognize that. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. That is, see beyond mommy and daddy saying, son, go pick up your dirty socks and your dirty underwear and your dirty jeans and put them in the hamper.

20:37 Behind and above and over mommy and daddy's voice saying, pick up your dirty duds and put them in the hamper, you must see it's the Lord himself giving you those directives. God is molding and nurturing and directing your life through your parents. He has placed them over you. And just as a wife is to be submissive to her husband as to the Lord, she's to see beyond the husband and see the Lord who stands above him and over him as his authority.

21:14 You kids are to see that behind mommy and daddy's commands, behind your teacher's commands and directives and correctives, the Lord stands, telling them to nurture you by discipline, by training, by admonition. It's the Lord who puts you in that setting. And as you're in it and you receive the commands, do this, do this, don't do that, and you hear God saying, children, obey. Listen to me.

21:44 Listen to what they say and do it. You are to see beyond mommy, beyond daddy, beyond your teacher, beyond the person who is there directing you and trying to nurture you. And you're to see that it's the Lord himself who is calling you to that life of obedience. Now, what reason does Paul give as to why children should live in this way?

The Reason for Obedience: 'It is Right'

22:09 Look at the text again. I want you children to learn how to see the message. It's coming out of your Bible. Don't let anybody just throw text at you and stick them together willy-nilly.

22:21 You learn to follow the track of thought with your own eyes and your own Bible. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for they're bigger and they're smarter and they can out-talk you and they can pin you down if you don't obey them. Is that what he says? Now, your mommy and your daddy, in most cases, they are bigger.

22:43 And let's hope they're smarter, at least for a while. But that isn't what he says. He says, children, you know why you should listen to what they say and do it? Here's the reason. It's right.

22:56 You see, again, one syllable word. It's right. Now, what's the opposite of something being right? It's either right or what, children?

23:05 Right or... You can answer out like we do in the chapel.

23:08 It's right or... Wrong! Yeah, you got it.

23:12 It's either right or it's wrong. It's either right or it's wrong. It's either sin or it's virtuous. It's either righteous or unrighteous.

23:21 And God says, hey, kids, I've got wonderful news for you. You know why you ought to obey your mom and your daddy? It's right.

23:29 You say, well, who says it's right? The God who has the right to say what is right. That's why. God who made you.

23:40 God who made mom and daddy. God who's placed them over us. God has determined that the directives, the commands, the guidance of your mother and your father, you are to obey because it is right.

23:58 It is the thing that meets God's standard of right and wrong. And we go to the parallel passage again in Colossians, and we see another little aspect of this that is lovely. Verse 20. Children, obey your parents in all things for...

24:16 Here Paul gives a little different reason. For this is...

24:19 Well-pleasing in the Lord.

24:23 You want to please the God who made you? You want to please the God who gives you life and breath and all things? You want to please the God who's given you a mother and a father concerned to nurture you in all that you are? That you might come to know God and serve God effectively in God's world and go to God's heaven when you die?

24:48 What pleases God when you obey? You obey your mother and your father. This is well-pleasing. Well-pleasing to whom?

24:57 Well, it pleases mom and dad, yes. But above and beyond that, it is well-pleasing unto God. Children, you need have no other reason to obey your mother and father than to know it's right and it's well-pleasing to God. Do you want to do as a pattern of life that which displeases God?

25:20 Do you want to have God's frown? God's frown. We're not talking about some fellow. We're not talking about some little kid or some big kid on the block or some man or some woman.

25:30 But to have God's frown upon us, the God who can speak and in a moment stop our hearts.

25:40 Have mom and dad have to call for the undertaker to come and get us. You want to have a God like that frowning at you?

25:48 You want to please God? Our passage says, children, obey your parents for this is God. This is right. This is right.

The Illustration of Proverbs and the Path of Life

26:01 And this is what Solomon says to his son in a little more lengthy way in Proverbs chapter six. Look at the words of that wonderful passage, Proverbs chapter six and verse 20. My son, keep the commandment of your father. Children obey your parents, forsake not the law of your mother, bind them continually upon your heart.

26:29 Isn't that a beautiful picture? God says, tie them to your insides so that the commands of mom and the law of your mother and the commandments of your father will be tied close to your heart, not pushed away as something unclean or something not useful and something unworthy of being kept close to you. Tie them upon your, bind them upon your heart, tie them around your neck. When you walk, it shall lead you.

26:59 When you go to sleep, it will watch over you. When you awake, it will talk with you. For the commandment is lamp and the law is light and reproofs of instruction are the way of life. Children, let me ask you, is there any one of you that if we took you outside now and all got you in a bus and went off somewhere to a place you didn't know and we said, here's two paths.

27:23 This path, if you start walking in it, will lead you down to certain death. Amen. This path will lead you into rich fields where there are wonderful fruit trees and there are beautiful flowers. One is the path of death and the other is the path of life.

27:42 Which one would you take? You say, Pastor, it's obvious what I'd do. I'd take the path of life. This is what Solomon says.

27:47 The path of life is the path of obedience to your parents. It's not the way of salvation, but it's the path of life because part of the commandments of your mother and father is the path of life. The path of life is to die for your parents and your father or what? Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Example of Jesus' Obedience

28:04 Face the fact that you've got an evil heart and you've broken God's law and you need what Christ has done upon the cross and you need the salvation that God imparts by giving us a new heart and enabling us to love Him and serve Him. You see, this is exactly what Jesus did. You remember in Luke, chapter 2 after the Lord Jesus had astounded the hot shots in at the temple and all the big religious leaders by the tremendous insights of his questions and his interaction with them. His mind and spirit and knowledge of God's ways and God's word far

28:48 outstripped others of his age. And after he's reunited to his family, this is what Luke tells us. Verse 51 of Luke 2. And he, Jesus, went down with them, that is Mary and Joseph. He came to

29:01 Nazareth and was subject unto them. He went back to Nazareth, a twelve-year-old boy, and his posture was one of submission. He subjected himself. He ranged himself under the authority of Joseph and of Mary. And what happened in that setting? Verse 52. Jesus advanced in wisdom and stature and in

29:31 favor with God. And man, he was nurtured in the whole of his holy being under the nurturing influence of Mary and of Joseph. Now was Jesus smarter than Mary and Joseph? He was God's wisdom incarnate. And he obviously as a

29:54 twelve-year-old boy had insights that amazed the professional theologians up at the temple. And there were no doubt many things in which Jesus' wisdom. As he grew far outstripped Mary and Joseph, but he was subject to them. It had nothing to do with whether he was smarter. He may have

30:15 grown up and been bigger than Joseph and could have taken his pappy in a wrestling match by the time he was fourteen, we don't know. But one thing we know is he was subject to them . And his maturity, his maturation, his nurturing process went on in the framework, of obeying the fifth commandment, he was obeying and he was honoring his father and his mother. But then some of you kids are asking, did you say, Pastor, I see that in my Bible, and something tells me I know it's right, but why is it so easy to disobey?

The Struggle with Disobedience: The Carnal Mind

30:57 Why is it so hard at times to do what that simple commandment says? Obey your parents. Listen to what they say and do it. Why is it so hard to really listen and harder yet to really do it?

31:14 You asking that question? Well, you know why? Because Romans 8, 7 is true of you as well as every one of us by nature. The carnal line is enmity against God.

31:25 It is not subject to the law of God. Neither indeed can it be. We have a sinful nature that is in rebellion against God. And even if God has graciously worked in us and we have come to truly trust in the Lord Jesus, we still have what the older folks call their remaining sin.

31:44 The flesh is lusting against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh. And these two are contrary, the one to the other. That's why, kids, it's either because your heart has never been subdued to God through the power of the gospel or you're struggling with what mommy and dad struggle. It's not easy for them to do what God says to them.

32:06 Nurture them. There are times they'd like to throw you out the window.

32:11 They don't feel very much like nurturing you. Surrounding you with patience, loving, repetitious directions and commands. They'd love at times to just say, forget it.

32:26 They have remaining sin that makes it hard for them to obey their part of the deal. Fathers, nurture them. So you and mommy and daddy are all in the same ballpark, you see. We've got to deal with the problem of sin.

32:41 But there is always the availability of God's grace. And it's at this point that I want to commend again to any of you parents who have not read Ted Drip's book, Shepherding Your Child's Heart, and the companion volume by his brother Paul Tripp, Age of Opportunity. I urge you to read them and pray in the essential emphases of those books. I do not endorse every line.

33:07 No human author. Should be endorsed by any other human being in every word that he says. But their understanding of how we nurture in the context of gospel realities. Letting sin be faced for what it is and the grace of God be appropriated for what it is.

33:26 And rear our children in that context of gospel-dominated nurturing. I urge it upon you so that when your boy or girl looks you in the face and says, Mom and Dad, I remember when Pastor preached on that in Ephesians, it's not complicated. Children, obey. Listen to what you say and do it.

33:48 But Mom, why is it so hard? You can point them to their hearts. And what can I do? You point them to the one who has promised to deal with the heart.

33:58 And when they feel the guilt of their disobedience, you point them to the one who dealt with guilt in his work upon the cross.

34:08 So, that's the first. That's the first command. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. All right, now what's the second one?

The Command to Honor Parents

34:20 Let's look at it together. Verse 2. Honor your father and mother and then we're going to be given a reason or a motive which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. So, what's the second command?

34:37 The meaning of this command are honor your father and your mother is simply this. To honor something, the Greek verb means to value something or someone and to regard it as valuable. To revere someone. To count someone or something of real worth.

35:02 That's what you're to do. Not only to obey them, listen to what they say and do it. But now, kids, notice the difference. Honor them has to do, not with your actions primarily, but with your what?

35:14 With your attitude. You see that? Obey, that's your actions. Listen to what they say and do it.

35:21 Put your feet where mom and daddy's words say they ought to be, when they ought to be, and how they ought to be there. Honor them, though it will have outward expressions, now God's going down into the attitude of our heart. You see, we're not simply to obey them and do it. And be like the little Quaker child sitting in a Quaker meeting where everyone's quietly waiting until they get an impression from their so-called word from the Lord.

35:50 And the little active child stands and the mother causes it to sip and it looks up and says in very soft tones to its mother, mother, me sitteth on the outside, but me standeth on the inside. In other words, I'm obeying outwardly, but inwardly I'm standing, jumping and hooping and hollering all over this place. Now God says you're not only to obey, but you're to have an attitude in which you honor them, in which you revere them, in which you have a true sense of their worth and their value. Now you see the setting of this.

36:30 That's why I preach verse 4 first. Because it's all of one piece. And Paul is assuming that these parents will seek to nurture those children in a context of what? Of graciousness.

36:45 Not provoking them unnecessarily to anger. One that has the authority of God behind it and over it and above it and beneath it. It is nurturing them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord. And now God says to you children, when such a mother and such a dad are seeking to nurture you, you are a privileged child.

37:10 Seek to understand the tremendous worth of such a mother and such a father. The worst thing in the world they can do is simply let you go to be and to do what your own nature would take you to be and to do. The condemnation upon Eli and it's strung out for generations was he did not nutheteo. He did not admonish.

37:40 That's the Greek word in the Septuagint for what he did not admonish. He did not do. 1 Samuel chapter 3. He did not admonish them.

37:50 He did not do what God says parents are to do to nurture you. The chastening, the discipline and the admonition of the Lord. And so God commands you not only to obey them but to honor your father and your mother. That is your legitimate parents, anyone who comes into the orbit of the nurturing process with the will and desire and approval of your parents you are to honor them.

38:22 Show a spirit of respect and consideration. That's to be what is in your heart and then it will express itself in your words. Your dad will not come home from a hard day of work and you're sitting there playing a game and you ignore him. You look up and say, Dad, it's good to see you.

38:50 Thanks for putting in the hard day's work again so there'll be food on the table. You ever tell that to your dad? Shame on you if you don't. You're to honor them.

39:02 When mom makes some reasonable request of you you're not only to obey but count it a privilege that you can help ease mom's load a little bit in some task that she would otherwise have to do. If you honor them in the heart it will show in your words. It will show in your attitudes. It will show in what we call your body language.

39:24 When you go to do things you won't go do them this way. Son, would you mind? Yes, mom, be glad to. Honor them.

39:37 Anyone looking in and listening in to the way you relate to mom and dad should soon get the impression you count them something of very great worth. That's what God is saying. You are to honor your father who is not commanded in isolation. It comes sandwiched between the command to obey them, do what they tell you and the command to parents to nurture you.

40:02 So you're to honor them while they're giving commandments and everlastingly working on you in all that you are to see you become the man or woman God wants you to be. So just don't honor them when you lie in your bed at night and think nice, floaty thoughts Mom's beautiful, dad, he's handsome. They're giving commands on the one time and they're seeking to nurture you on the other constantly working on your habits, the way you greet people, the way you respond to disappointment, how you react when you get beat in a game of checkers or chess, how everything they want to train your emotions, train your mind not only have it filled with facts

40:46 but teach you how to think all the time working with you nurturing you, not just writing your case to make life difficult but nurturing you that you might be ready to live life in the real world where you're gonna have to know how to handle your emotions, where you're gonna have to know how to relate to people that may not be the sweetest and the loveliest all the time. You're gonna have to know how to relate to people that are over you and people that are under you You're to honor them in, now I'll use an adult word in the concreteness of the commands they are giving and the nurture they are providing. That's what you're to do second part now, not only obey them but honor them. Now

The Reason for Honor: A First-Rank Command with Promise

41:30 why? Here's a reason or a motive. Look at your Bibles. This particular translation says honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. Now I'm not going to weary you

41:48 there are four major interpretations of this language which is the first commandment with promise when we read the Decalogue, the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20 and in Deuteronomy chapter 5 this commandment has a promise so some say well Paul says this is the first commandment with promise well it's not exactly, the second commandment has a promise and so there are four different ways of interpreting it. In my judgment the most satisfactory way to understand it and here if you had a Greek text in front of you would see this that in the original it does not read this is the first commandment with promise it reads it is a commandment first and I agree with Henderson that what he is

42:32 saying is it is a first rank commandment with promise and when you read in Leviticus chapter 19 where God gives the general command to be holy he focuses immediately upon this matter of revering father and mother and so God is saying this to you kids. Look honor your father and your mother that's a divine commandment it is a commandment however it is a commandment of first rank when it comes to the promise attached to it. In other words God is saying I want to tease you into obedience to this command with a wonderful promise and

43:16 among the commandments with promise this is first rank and what is the promise well it's picked right up out of the Old Testament changed in this one significant way instead of the promise saying that it may be well with you that's exactly what it is in Deuteronomy 5 instead of saying you may live long in the land which the Lord gives you God changes it and says live long on the earth so the promise with which God seeks to graciously entice you to honor father and mother is this that it may be well with you and that you may live a long life that it may be well with you

44:00 now let me ask you kids how many of you sitting here tonight want to be miserable in life anybody here you want to be as miserable as you can be anybody no takers somebody here must want to be miserable any kids here want to be miserable you want it to be well with you if it please God you want to have good health enough food to eat that your tummy doesn't play a tune on your backbone and you go to bed at night like those poor little kids in Haiti with a annoying grinding sense of emptiness you want it to be well with you well you all say sure unless you're like one of these

44:45 who's blown his mind on drugs and I believe in many cases demonic activity in the far out fringe rock culture with all of its nihilism you adults I'm talking to the adults now kids and all of its self-destructiveness and I cannot use the language that expresses the hate hatred and the despair of people who seem to be determined to be miserable and their self-contained despair I trust there's no one here who's in that frame of mind you want it to be well with you and if a long life could glorify God and result in you being useful would you not want a long

45:28 life would you not want to see your children and your children's children had the joy not only of being a parent but a grandparent in some sense even the great grandpa the great grandma having the privilege of seeing God's grace and favor through all the changes and difficulties of life God says here's the way that it may be well with you and you live long on the earth now is it an absolute promise no as Charles Hodge has so beautifully said this promise like any promise of God's physical blessing upon the righteous is not fulfilled absolutely in everything in every single instance godly young people die and wicked sinners

46:13 live long lives but in so far as God can be glorified and we can be profited God will give us a long life and God says if you want to do well and you want a long life honor your father and your mother listen to Hendrickson as he opens this up I think very carefully after showing the little bit of change in the promise the promise is that it will be well with you Deuteronomy 5 16 this is retained when the objection is raised that in spite of this promise many disobedient children prosper and become very old while many obedient children die early the answer is

46:57 that the principle here expressed is nevertheless entirely valid to be sure obedience or disobedience to parents is not the only factor that determines a person's span of life but it is an important factor disobedience to godly parents indicates an undisciplined life it leads to vice and to dissipation that's a life like the prodigal when a devout father warns his son against the evil of chain smoking addiction to alcohol sins pertaining to sex etc and the son disregards his advice he's following a course that does not as a rule lead to a long life on earth in addition it

47:41 should be borne in mind that though a disobedient child may live on and on and become a hundred years old as long as he continues in his wickedness it will not be well with him you see it shall be well with you and you live long who wants to live long in misery that ends in hell but to live well in the communion and fellowship of god and to have length of days to be an influence for god and for his kingdom what a wonderful promise dear children god is not a narrow hearted tight fisted scrooge like god he wants you to be well with you

48:25 and he wants you to live long on the earth with true life this is life eternal that they may know thee the only true god and jesus christ whom thou hast sent the way to live well to live long is the way of obedience to this command now does this mean kids that you earn salvation by hearing what mummy and daddy say and doing it by honoring them counting them to be of great worth and showing in your attitudes and in your body language and in your words and deeds that you truly honor them does that mean you will somehow earn salvation and eternity

49:10 eternal life of course not because one of the things that your mother and daddy or mum and daddy your mother and father are constantly telling you as they seek to nurture you in the discipline and in the admonition of the lord by training enforced with spankings and other forms of corporal punishment and by instruction and warnings one of the things they are constantly talking about is you need to trust in the lord jesus and when you disobey you need to go to god through christ for forgiveness for that disobedience and when your head tells you i ought to obey and i ought to honor but my heart doesn't want to

49:54 mum and daddy are constantly telling you you need to go to the god who is in the heart business he has said i will take out the heart of stone i will give you a heart of flesh i will put my law within you and i will cause you to keep my statutes and my judgment you say pastor you mean god can give me something inside that i'll have and i want to obey and honor them yes that's what god can give you that's what god can give you and that's what mummy and daddy are constantly telling you that's what your sunday school teachers are telling you that's what your pastors are telling you all the time there's a god who can change your want to

50:37 so that when you come to a passage like this and read it children obey your parents in the lord for this is right you'll be able to say in your own child's language oh god i thank you for that command it's so obvious it's so reasonable oh god thank you for giving me a desire to obey help me to obey today help me simply to hear and to do not to stand back and think i've got to have an explanation for why they've asked me to do this or that help me lord just to obey and then lord help me to honor them i know they are of great worth i'm one of a ten thousand of kids who have a mom

51:22 and a dad that are seeking to nurture me they've not handed me over to the stupid television to educate me they've not handed me over to a bunch of pagans to grind into my mind that we've come from the pool of slime and there's no rhyme or reason to history and to life mum and dad love me enough to pay the price to train me in a context where god is acknowledged as creator and law giver god's role as judge and rewarder christ is savior and lord oh god what a privileged kid i am help me to honor my mom and dad lord you know i want to do it god can so work that you could pray that kind of

52:06 prayer without trying to impress anybody with nobody around but you and god that's what god can do for you and that's what you need to seek from god because your responsibility kids is very simple children obey your parents in the lord for this is right honor your father and your mother which is a first rank commandment with promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long upon the earth now i hope i've made such a life attractive to you kids but i wasn't born yesterday and i know that some of you sitting here right now the attitude of your heart is

The Gravity of Disobedience: Threats from Scripture

52:50 and if i were talking to you face to face i'd use even more blunt language you say to blazes with all of this i can't wait to bust the traces and get out of my house all i have is don't do this you can't do that where were you who were you with i'm sick and tired of it i want to bust loose i want to say on the basis of god's word that every one of you who has a settled disposition of rebellion against your parents authority you have

53:33 hanging over you some of the most serious threats found anywhere in the word of god how does god look upon the sin of disobedience to parents i have two passages that i want to set before you from the new testament and one from the old in romans chapter one where paul is describing what happens when people throw over looking at life in the light of god as creator and law giver and judge god gives them over to a twisted mind into the darkness of their own hearts and then all kinds of sins come out of them romans 1 28 and even as they

54:17 refuse to have god in their knowledge god gave them up to a reprobate mind to do those things which are not fitting being filled with all unrighteousness wickedness covetousness maliciousness full of envy murder strife deceit malignity whisperers back biters hateful to god or haters of god insolent haughty boastful inventors of evil things disobedient to parents when disobedience to parents has become a settled pattern

55:01 of life it is an indication that you are being abandoned by almighty god the ties between parent and child by nature are so strong that when we throw them over and do what the bible says make ourselves without natural affection it is a sign of being handed over by god when disobedience to parents becomes a settled disposition of our hearts now notice children i didn't say if you fight with being disobedient and you know it's wrong and you don't try to justify it and you ask god no i'm not talking

55:45 about your struggle with disobedience i'm saying when disobedience as a settled disposition of the heart is there don't brag on yourself that you are setting yourself free from anything you are committing yourself to a frightening course of bondage and abandonment and if that's true of you god have mercy on you that rather than strut out of here and say none of that stuff touched me you ought to be home on your face crying out oh god don't get me up and hand me over

56:28 and children when the devil begins to whisper in your ear well you know as much as mom and dad what do they know about life i know about life and i know that what they say is not good for me i know too many of my friends that i've begun to get to know and they say it's fun it's cool remember this children you want the way of life and blessedness obey and honor disobedience to parents as a pattern of life doesn't enter anyone's life overnight it starts with a little hidden disobedience the little lie here the little deception

57:12 there until it snowballs and then god takes his hands second new testament passage second timothy chapter three and for you kids that with all your heart want to be obedient i'm sorry that i have to trouble you with this but there are some sitting here who need to hear this and i'll answer to god for whether or not i've been faithful to their souls and i want to listen to it and the time of the first and the second timothy three paul says to timothy but know this timothy in the last days the days bracketed by the first

57:57 and second coming of christ grievous time shall come there will be epochs within those two great events of the first and the second coming of christ disobedient to parents, unkindful, unholy, without natural affection. I want you to think for a moment.

The Natural Affection and the Example of Animals

58:24 When you see a nature film, don't you marvel when those little ducks are hatched? How, when the mother nudges them or leads them down into the water, how wherever she goes, it's like they're tethered to her by an invisible string. Wherever that mama duck goes, they're right there. Now, kids, who taught them to do that?

58:47 Did some little lilliputian get inside the egg and say, now I want to give you lesson number one? No, no. God puts into their very being this natural affection and bond, if we can use the word affection. God uses that in reasoning with His people.

59:04 He speaks about the stork, this creature that flies, that knows this, and the ox knows its crib. But my people do not know you see it's against natural affection when you throw over the guidance and the nurture of your parents who like that mother duck trying to teach those little ducklings where to go and what is safe and the mother animal, the predatory animal teaching its young how to hunt and how to be aggressive at the right time and how to survive in the wilderness. Those dumb animals show respect to the guidance, and the direction of their parents.

59:48 When you don't do the same, you're without natural affection. This matter was so serious that in Israel, when there was a young man, a young woman that said, look, I'm going to be my own man and my own woman. I'm of age. I know what life's about and I choose to reject the ways of mom and dad who are telling me all the time that Jehovah, God of Israel, says this is food you can eat, this is food you can't eat.

60:18 These are the kind of clothes you can wear, you can't wear these. On this day, I'm sick and tired of Yahweh buttoning into my life. Everywhere I turn, Yahweh's got a roof.

60:31 I want out from Yahweh and everyone who tries to impose Yahweh's ways on me. What does God say you to do with such a son or daughter?

60:43 Deuteronomy 21, verse 18. If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, that will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and though they chasten him, will not hearken to them, gets to the place where no pliancy, no submission to the nurture by word and by discipline, what are they to do? Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him and bring him out to the elders of his city and unto the gate of his place and they shall say to the elders of his city,

61:26 this our son is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey our voice. He's a glutton and a drunkard and all of the men of this city shall stone him to death with stones and you shall put away evil from the midst of you and all Israel shall hear and fear.

61:49 Can you imagine what it'd be like the afternoon, afternoon after this young smart aleck is stoned and stoned didn't mean going out and getting high on drugs. It meant big stones being rained down upon you till they killed you. Hey, where's our buddy? He's dead.

62:10 He's dead. What happened? He got stoned.

62:15 He was executed. What did he do? He clenched his fist one time too many to his mom and dad.

62:25 He said, their standards of morality aren't mine. I like my booze. I'm going to have it. I like my buddies.

62:33 I'm going to be with them. He has become stubborn, rebellious, glutton and a drunkard. The emphasis falls upon he's indulging his passions and his appetites and he doesn't want Yahweh to butt in and tell him anything about his passions and his appetites. God said, kill him.

62:55 Kill him.

62:58 Kill him.

63:00 He said, I don't want a God like that. My friend, that's the only God who is.

63:05 That's the God who so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. Because in dying for sin, Jesus died for the sin of disobedience to parents. He bore our sins in His own body up to the tree. And all the commandments and all the ways we've broken them heaped up the guilt that was ours.

63:31 It was transferred to Him.

Application to Children and the Church

63:35 Don't treat lightly your disobedience to your parents. It's a soul destructive hell provoking sin. And you dear children many of whom manifest a very commendable disposition of obedience to mom and dad that's the pattern of your life. They don't see you sprouting wings.

64:00 They're not about to rewrite their Bibles when it talks about foolishness being bound up in the heart of a child. They still see plenty of that in you. But they see a basic disposition. Let me ask you, kids, is it only on the outside or are you honoring them on the inside?

64:17 Not only are you to obey them, listen to what they say and do it, but you're to honor them. You're to count them of great worth. You're to estimate their great worth and in your heart be thankful and then plead God's promise that it will be well with you and that you will live long upon the earth as long as it will glorify God and do your own soul good. Well, will it make a difference as we go back to school if every day when we get up we say, oh God, here's my job description for the day.

64:52 Life is pretty simple for me once I've made sure I've got all the right books in my, what do you call it now? They call it all different kinds of names. That thing everybody straps on their back. They look like Bunyan's Christian with his burden on his back.

65:04 What do you call them now? Rucksacks? What else? Backpacks?

65:07 All kinds of, well, you know what I'm talking about. You know, that takes a little thinking but really, life's pretty simple for you kids. Somebody's there at the school their mom or dad are working with you in your homeschooling and they've got your lessons laid out and they've got the assignments and they're going to work through. All you need to do is obey them and honor them.

65:26 That's what God tells you to do. And if you kids want to start learning how to be a help to one another, why don't you say at least once a week, this week, and every week of the coming school year, someone that I'm a little bit closer to, I'm just going to look at them and say, how are you doing with your job description? Boy, the Bible says we're to exhort one another. You kids need to start learning to do that now.

65:47 You've got some friends that seem to show some desire to please the Lord and ask them, how are you doing with your job description? Well, I'm doing pretty good. How about you? Well, let's change the subject.

65:56 No, let's talk about that. Well, I'm not doing so well. Well, where are you having problems? I'm having problems there too.

66:02 Well, let's pray for one another. Two weeks later you say, hey, how are you doing with your job description? Doing better. Where?

66:08 In that, well, that's the very area I prayed for you about. Begin to learn how to encourage one another. Confess your sins one to another. Pray one for another.

66:17 Will that make a difference in the classroom? In the place where you seek to train your children, you who are homeschooling? Will it make a difference in the way we interact with one another? In all of those places where the nurturing process is being carried out according to the Scriptures and independence upon the Lord.

66:36 Is it just an old man's dreams to think that we more and more can have in this body of Christ's people that disposition that we see ourselves as a body committed to this task ready to use whatever we can use to help one another in this task. Not intruding where we're not asked but ready to serve where we are asked and where we are welcomed. And as we do there won't be rivalry, there won't be jealousy, there won't be suspicion. There will be a wonderful climate in which by the grace of God we may yet see a generation reared that will become mighty under the blessing of God

67:21 to outstrip any of us in their usefulness for the advancement of Christ's kingdom.

Concluding Prayer

67:29 Is that too much to expect that God can do that? May God help us to pray and to labor to that end. Let's pray.

67:43 Our Father, we're so thankful for your word. We thank you for this very plain, simple, straightforward job description. For the children among us. We pray that your Holy Spirit will take this word and write it upon their hearts and by his own gracious power work in them that they will know the liberty of loving to obey and loving to honor.

68:10 And we pray that in many of them your promise would be realized in ways that we could never imagine. We pray for those that sit here tonight with a settled, dispossession of hellish rebellion. Lord, don't allow them to do to themselves what they are seeking to do. Don't let them destroy themselves, we pray.

68:38 Lord, intrude upon them. Come by the power of your Spirit and track them down. Give them no rest nor peace until they cry out for mercy and know the wonderful, liberating, power of Christ to make them your willing bondservants and lovers of the authority and the guidance and the nurture of their parents. Father, we believe you can do it and so we ask you for your glory and for their good to hear and answer our prayers.

69:16 We pray a special blessing now upon all of the moms and dads and teachers and their helpers and administrators. Who will give themselves with renewed and focused concentration in the coming week to that aspect of the nurture of the children carried on in their homeschooling and Christian school and secular school frameworks. How we plead with you, our Father, that the things we've reflected upon today would be carried over into the nitty-gritty of the coming days and that by your word we will be more and more sanctified and in the way of obedience we will know more of your blessing. Seal then your word to our hearts.

69:59 We plead in Jesus' name. Amen.