Theology of Singleness

Introduction: The Theological Basis for Understanding Singleness

0:02 Since you are basically a captive audience and we met last night, I shall not spend time in any extensive review simply to remind you that the two fundamental assumptions of these sessions that I am sharing together with you are, number one, the reality of the Father's concern. We meet under the eye of a God who is perfectly knowledgeable, presently active and powerfully disposed to our good in terms of his concern as our Heavenly Father. And then secondly, we meet in the perspective that the Father's word embodied in Holy Scripture is adequate, is clear, and is binding in its authority. Now this morning, as I intimated last evening, we want to come to grips with this whole matter of singleness in terms of clearness. Clear biblical principles. Now the basis for all proper thinking concerning any area of life is essentially theological.

1:07 Now by that I simply mean this. Until we see any area of life, any problem of life, in its relationship to God and God's relationship to the creature in that situation, God's control of that situation, we are not viewing it theologically. Now how do we? How do we find these perspectives?

1:30 God's involvement in the situation, his control of it, my relationship to it. Well, of course, there is only one place for a theology to find its tap roots, and that, of course, is in Holy Scripture. So whenever you come to the Scriptures and seek to bring to bear upon a given problem the broad directives, perspectives, insights, and counsel of Scripture, you are then framing a theology, a theology of that particular area of concern. So then, what we propose to do this morning is to come to grips with a theology of singleness.

2:08 That is, going to the Scriptures and extracting both precept, promise, directive, illustration to cull from the Word of God a perspective on singleness that is biblical and therefore is right and accurate. For until we view any situation as God views it, we really don't see it as we ought to see it. And so, this is what we'll do this morning, is look at singleness in the theological perspective, and then in the next lecture, or we may start into that, I don't know how far we'll go. It's the first time I've used and given this material, so I'm not sure what the pace will be in the actual unfolding of it.

2:48 We'll then look at some of the practical problems of singleness and develop some of the biblical directives there. All right, first of all then, singleness in the theological perspective. Now, we're going to grapple with this matter in terms of that trilogy of biblical realities, creation, fall, and redemption. When you take a problem and relate it to the biblical doctrines of creation, fall, and redemption, it is most likely that you are seeing it in some degree of theological and biblical comprehensiveness.

Singleness in Creation: Not the Divine Norm

3:23 First of all then, creation and singleness, then the fall and singleness, and redemption and singleness. All right, what do we learn about the state of singleness from creation? And I read now from Genesis chapter 1, the record that our Lord Himself assumes is a record of history. It is not myth or saga.

3:47 It is not set here simply for its moral worth. It is a record of how God brought everything into being. And we read in Genesis 1, verses 26 and 27, And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. And God created man in His own image.

4:21 In the image of God created He Him, male and female, and created He them. Now here we find the record given by Moses, as he was directed of the Spirit, indicating that God's original intention in making man in His image was to make mankind with this great distinction of maleness and femaleness. And so we have this clear statement, Let us make man in our image. In the image of God created He Him, male and female, created He them.

4:59 And then in chapter 2 you have an enlargement of some of the details of this. It's as though chapter 2 is a zoom lens. We look at the creation of man from the distance in Genesis 1. And all we read is, God made them male and female.

5:16 Now God puts on His zoom lens, and we zoom in closer for some details that you do not catch with the distant picture. And in the details we read, in Genesis 2.18, And the Lord said, It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make an help meet or answering to him.

5:37 For out of the ground the Lord had formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the heavens, and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them. And whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And may I pause to say, you see the whole idea that man's intelligence developed in the evolutionary process and all the rest is just hogwash. At this point, Adam has a very, very astute mental capacity, and he's able to reflect upon the particular distinctions and functions of the animals and give them names according to those distinctions and functions.

6:11 And the man gave names to all cattle and to birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for man there was not found an help answering to him. When Adam saw the beauty of an animal and he exclaimed what an exquisite manifestation of the wisdom and the power of God, to whom could he turn and share that joy? And when Adam was done naming the animals and said, Lord, I've got to get my sleep now, and he said his good nights to the Lord, with whom could he reflect as he went off to sleep upon the activities of the day?

6:50 There was found no help answering to his needs. God had made him a social creature. But he could not find social intercourse with the animals. God had made him a reasoning, intelligent creature, one who could think in the abstract.

7:06 But there was no creature who could reason and think in the abstract as he could. There was found no one answering to his need. God made him in such a way that there was this unanswerableness from the creation about him. So what did the Lord do?

7:23 Verse 21. The Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, is the first case of someone being an anesthesiologist. The Lord put him to sleep, and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

7:45 And the man said, This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, because she was taken out. of man. And you'll notice if you have a marginal reading, you have ish and ishah, which is the masculine and then the feminine form of the Hebrew word man and then woman. And so he says, I am ish, she is ishah.

8:10 She is what I am, but in the feminine gender. She answers to me as a reasoning, thinking creature, but she is not identical to me. She's been taken from me, but brought back to me. She answers to me.

8:25 And as Adam looked into the face of Eve, and Adam beheld the gift of God's creative love and genius, he saw that which now answered to his need. And then we have the statement, Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Now it's obvious from these two passages, without going into any detailed or careful exegesis, they just bristle or ooze with tremendous principles.

9:00 And I must exercise great discipline in bypassing much that is relevant and helpful simply to focus upon this one simple principle, that in creation, singleness was not the divine plan or the divine norm. Singleness in creation is not the divine plan or the divine norm. Now there was a period of singleness for Adam. How long?

9:28 One day? Two days? We don't know. There seems to be good inference if we accept the concept that the Yom, the day of Genesis 1, is a 24-hour period.

9:40 Then Adam was a single man only for a very brief period of time. Now Eve was a single woman for a brief period of time. From the time God made her from the rib and then woke Adam up and brought the woman to the man, so that though there was a period of singleness, it was the abnormal period and was preparatory for God's norm, which was the man cleaving to the wife and the two becoming one flesh and sharing the totality of life in unclouded intimacy. Because there was no cloud heavenward, there was no cloud at the horizontal dimension, and the creation account ends with Adam and Eve standing before God and one another in total nakedness and in the total absence of shame. What a beautiful, beautiful picture of what mankind was when coming fresh from the hand of the Creator. Now then, if this is so, that God's norm is that man should find his complement in the woman, and the woman has been made for the man, it is a cautious conjecture, and that's all I'll say, that had sin never entered, there would probably be no perpetual singleness. Now you notice how cautious I'm being.

10:59 It is a cautious conjecture, it is a reserved assumption to state that had sin never entered, in all probability, there would have been no perpetual singleness. For the woman in the very nature of her constitution is made, according to 1 Corinthians 11, the woman is made for the man. And the man is made so that he is not complete until he has his Eve brought to him, answering to him, and he sees mirrored in his Eve his own true humanity. So that if God made the woman for the man and made the man incomplete without the woman in creation, then I think there is a strong prejudice to assume that singleness would never have been, as a perpetual existence, God's pattern for his creatures. Now, what does this say to us in a very practical way? Well, it simply says, but profoundly says, that we must look upon the longings, the hopes, the drives, the aspirations, the sense of incompleteness and unfulfillment that comes with extended singleness. We must learn to look upon these things not as sinful, but as simply manifestations of our humanity.

12:23 And as one old servant of God said, and there were many areas where this man's theology was hopelessly distorted, but in this area he was right on target. He said there is that which is characteristic of the old man, that is life severed from Christ, and that must be dealt with by mortification. There is that which is characteristic of us as new men and women in Christ, that must be cultivated. But then there is that which is simply characteristic of us as human.

12:52 Not old man or new man, but simply human. And the longings, the aspirations, the sense that Adam felt, was it sinful for Adam to be conscious that there was not in all of God's creation that which was answering to some of his deepest needs? Was it sinful for Adam to feel the pain of his singleness? No.

13:14 That was simply being human. Was it sinful for Eve in those few minutes or several hours from the time God made her to the time God presented her to Adam, was it sinful for her to feel I somehow sense I'm not made to cope and exist by myself? Was it sinful for her to have some self-conscious awareness of the whole end for which she was created? Of course not.

13:40 It was simply human. And therefore when we try to put singleness in a thoroughly theological and biblical perspective, we must recognize that perpetual, extended singleness is abnormal, and therefore the capacity, the yearning, the longings, the fears, etc., attached to the state of singleness are not necessarily wicked or virtuous. They are simply human.

14:08 And anyone who says that singleness is an advanced state of piety in itself is running contrary to biblical norms. In fact, it's one of the doctrines of demons, 1 Timothy 4, 3. They shall speak doctrines of demons in what is one of them forbidding to marry, saying that there is a higher level of spirituality to be attained in the single state. No, that's contrary to creation.

Singleness and the Fall: The Origin of Perpetual Singleness

14:35 All right? Now then, let's look at singleness in relationship to the fall. And what do I mean by the fall? I mean that tragic rebellion of our first parents in the Garden of Eden, the record given to them in Genesis chapter 3, of Eve's being deluded, of Adam disobeying, and of God bringing judgment upon the entire human race in the person of its representative head.

15:03 Now, the fall not only brought great disruption in terms of Adam and Eve's relationship to their God, but also it had great implications to the whole earth and to all human relationships. You remember in Genesis 3 that God cursed the ground. This earth that you and I walk over, when we go out and take a walk and dodge the shotgun shells today, that is not the earth as God originally created it. It lies under a curse.

15:30 And some weary farmer who's come through the long 14, 16, 18 hour days of fall harvesting by the sweat of his brow is a monument to the curse of God. God says the earth will be reluctant to yield its normal yield. You'll bring forth in the sweat of your brow. The curse came upon the created order itself.

15:56 And with the fall of man has come the tragic entrance of sickness, war, death, lust, infidelity, and listen carefully, warped thinking about God, man, life, marriage, sex, the home. You see, the effects of the fall have touched everything in every single realm extensively and intensively. Everything that man is in himself, every place he goes, everything he touches, the scriptures tell us he is operating within and without in a cursed situation because of the tragic fall. Now follow closely as I make the next statement. Though we cannot say with absolute certainty that had sin never entered, there would be no such a thing as perpetual singleness, it is accurate to say that the majority of the causes of perpetual singleness are direct results of the fall. Now let me prove that statement. One of the major causes of perpetual singleness is the imbalance, percentage-wise, between available men and women.

17:17 You gals just face the facts. You are five percent shy of a hundred percent availability in men. Now what's one of the major causes of that? One of the major causes is war, which continually bleeds off the marriageable age of young men.

17:37 Now no one would question that war is a direct result of the fall. From whence come wars in fighting, James says. They come from your own lust at war in your members. If war breaks out again in the Middle East, what will be the cause of it?

17:51 Well, grasping selfish oil barons and maybe grasping selfish Jews and maybe grasping selfish Arabs who want what they want how they want it and are willing to fight for it. What's another one of the great causes of perpetual singleness? Selfishness that makes men unwilling for the demanding responsibilities of a wife and a family. They simply don't want to be the spiritual, the monetary, the administrative head of a home and all that that entails.

18:26 They want to be free. So they don't like the particular job. They can bail out and try another for a while, make a little money and then if they want to do a little traveling, do it. And they say, man, I'm just not about to give up all those liberties.

18:38 I'm willing to live with some of the burrs and splinters of my singleness, but they are selfish. And it could be that here on this weekend I'm talking to some men. Basically, if you're honest, the reason you're not married is because there is a sinful selfishness that's never been crucified. You want to save your life and you don't want to lose it for the sake of others.

19:00 Now that's a direct result of sin. A third cause of perpetual singleness is ugly aspects of personality which make men and women undesirable marriage partners. Would anyone say that selfishness, insensitivity, brashness, overbearing authoritarianism, would anyone say that these are anything other than manifestations of sinful characteristics? And the reason some of you are not married is because there are ugly areas in your personality that make you undesirable as a man or a woman.

19:44 And that's a direct result of sin. There is some chronic outcropping of the flesh. There is some grotesque manifestation of carnality. And therefore, from the human standpoint, you're not married because of this direct result of sin.

20:02 In the fourth place, there are these fears of marriage because of the tragic example that some of you had growing up. That's a result of sin. It was sin that caused your father to beat your mother. It was sin that caused your mother to be untrue to your father.

20:19 It was sin that caused that home to be a living hell so that the very thought of entering the married state conjures up all of these fears because of the association with that powerfully negative example in your own home. Well, that's a direct result of sin. In the fifth place, there are physical disabilities and deformities which make some people either inept for or a high risk in marriage. Remember Jesus said in Matthew 19, 12, there are some who are eunuchs from their mother's womb.

20:53 Had sin never entered, there would not be the physical disabilities that render some people incapable of functioning as a marriage partner. And what our Lord is saying is that some men are born without the natural function of their sexual organs that produce sexual drive. That's exactly what Christ was saying. And it's one of the phenomena of a fallen world.

21:14 And it's a direct result of sin. And then in the sixth place, there are perverted sexual appetites which give some a tendency to lesbianism or to male homosexuality, thus indisposing them or crippling them in any serious plans for marriage. You see, you're talking to Christian people. Yes, I know.

21:34 And I've had to counsel enough solid Christian and reformed young people with lesbian tendencies and with male homosexual tendencies to know that these things do not escape our ranks. And I would not be surprised at all if sitting here today, there's some of you, if you're honest before God, will have to admit that's one reason why you've never been able to be turned on to fellows who've shown an interest in you is because you do have these tendencies. You haven't even dared speak them to God, let alone to mom or dad or to your pastor. But there's some of you gals that find yourselves inordinately attracted to other women.

22:11 And some of you fellows find yourselves inordinately attracted to other men. Well, that's a direct result of sin. It is sin that has caused the perversion of sexual appetite. And then, and at this point, I want to make sure that window's open so I can jump out if necessary.

22:34 The seventh major cause of perpetual singleness that is a direct result of the Fall is this, perverted notions of what to look for in my Adam or my Eve. Do you know it's a sin to think contrary to the Word of God in any area? The blessed man, according to Psalm 1, is the one who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly. Romans 12, 2 says, Be ye not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your what?

23:07 You start up there. You know why some of you aren't married? It's because you have a perverted notion of what to look for in a potential marriage partner. And your notions have been framed not by the Word of God, but by the wicked world.

23:25 And you will not even seek to cultivate an interest with a young man unless his shoulders are broad enough, his face is clear enough of blemishes, and all of those other external physical characteristics that make him in your eyes and in the eyes, you hope, of at least 50% of the population to say, He's a nice-looking guy. You don't want to get interest in someone that the first thing people say after they see you with them is saying, What in the world did she see in that guy? May I charge you, charge you solemnly to look upon this mentality as wicked? You fellas, if you will not even begin to seek to cultivate a relationship with a girl because she doesn't have quite enough of what you think is external beauty, may I say, on the basis of the Word of God, that you are sinning? You say, That's pretty strong language. I know. But you read this in the Word of God and you why?

24:26 No? Okay. You don't want to takefeel full-sized meaning from it. You want to make people miserable.

24:33 Sinning... This is the word that the Bible exposes to the keen-willed.

24:37 Let's look at the book of Proverbs 31, a virtuous woman who can find her. What does the writer of Proverbs tell us as to what a man should look for? Well, among other things, he warns against being turned on by the external. He warns against this But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

25:03 After he's given this description of character and conduct and performance, he concludes by saying, And don't allow what you can see at the outset to keep you from seeing what only can be discovered in some long-range relationship. True godliness is not worn on the end of the nose or on the end of the ear.

25:32 It is discovered in closeness of relationship. And there are some of you girls who have not even responded to the initial overtures of some Christian fellows who simply wanted to spend an evening with you, not to propose after three hours. You've got a pretty high view of yourself to think, Well, I don't want to date him. Well, propose.

25:55 After three hours.

25:58 All they want to do is begin to get close enough to see something more than what they can see when they just say hello and goodbye at church Sunday morning, Sunday night in prayer meeting. They want to get close enough to see if those virtues are there. But you won't let them. Because you've got your ideal concept of what your dream man is going to be like.

26:19 Listen, if you end up single, it serves you right for being worldly and not biblical and spiritual in your perspectives. What? What kind of man are you to look for? You read Psalm 15 and Psalm 24.

26:30 That's the kind of man you look for. For God describes the godly man. That's what you look for. And you fellows, some of you are guilty of the same thing on the other side.

26:38 And I want to be perfectly balanced in my applications and in my scathing denunciations of certain things. There are some of you fellows,

26:49 you'll never ask to spend an evening with some of the girls in your own churches. Why? Well, maybe they've got a little bit too much where they ought not to. They have it.

26:58 In other words, they're a little bit on the plump side.

27:02 Or maybe they don't have enough where you think they ought to. They don't quite have the hourglass figure.

27:10 Fellas, that's worldly. Listen, I have seen, and it's been an amazing thing, just from a pastoral standpoint, and I'm not speaking as a husband now, I'm speaking objectively from the outside. I've seen people when I first came to the present sphere of ministry going on 13 years ago, that my first reaction to certain women was, boy, aren't they homely. But you know what's happened over the years as I've come to see their true worth?

27:35 They have actually become beautiful in my eyes. And I don't mean by just closing my eyes to their face and to their body, but the inner beauty has almost brought about, and I don't mean to be irreverent, sort of a form of transfiguration. So that you see the whole person, and you see a beautiful person. And you see that's precisely what happens in marriage.

27:58 That's why he said, grace is deceitful and beauty is vain. That's why all the beautiful women, all the beautiful people out in Hollywood, live together for a few years, then try marriage for a year or two, and then bail out. Their beautiful faces and their beautiful bodies aren't enough to hold them together for life.

28:16 And external beauty has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual performance, has nothing whatsoever to do with capacity to be a good wife, a good husband, nothing whatsoever to do. Not at all. And I'm convinced that this is one of the most prevailing, most sinful, most sinful, most sinful, most sinful, most sinful, the causes of extended singleness, perverted notions of what you're looking for in a potential husband or a potential wife. Because let's face it, if God makes every woman to be an Eve for some Adam, he simply did not make all of the Adams Mr. America's and all of the Eves Miss Universe.

28:59 He didn't do it. So either you've got to say God is not making Eves for Adams and Adams for Eve, or you've got to say the Eves are not looking in the right direction for their Adams, and the Adams are not looking in the right direction for their Eves. I'm forced to that conclusion. How many of his creatures does God make with unusual physical attractiveness?

29:22 Well, the very fact that they stand out for their attractiveness shows they're the exception and not the rule, right?

29:31 And this is a direct result of sin, sin operating at what the theologians would say, the noetic level, the naos, the mind, sin operating in principle, perverting our thoughts. And the word of God is that we are to be transformed in the renewing of our minds. So I submit that these are just seven. There could be more seven very plain reasons why there is extended.

29:55 And in some cases, perpetual singleness that are directly related to the fall of man. Now, in conclusion of this second heading, the fall and singleness, let me make several statements and forgive me. If I look at my notes carefully because I wanted to guard these things from any imbalance. It is clear that singleness is a phenomena of a fallen world.

Practical Implications of the Fall's Impact on Singleness

30:20 Also, it is clear that most of the causes of singleness are clearly and directly related to some manifestation of sin. Now, I'm not saying that if you remain single, you are sinning. No, no, a hundred, a thousand times. No, I am simply stating that.

30:39 The. Conditions which produce singleness are not a part of the original design of God, and many times they are a direct result of man's revolt against God. Now, what practical effect will this have upon us if we put our view of singleness in the theological framework of the fall? Well, it will be greatly helpful to us because it will cause us to pray, Lord, if the cause of my continued singleness, is to be found in an area of sinful perspective and attitude, then, Lord Jesus, you came to save your people from their sins.

31:19 That means you came to save me from the things that are making me a perpetual single. You've come to save me from those ugly traits of character, that domineering know-it-all spirit that causes girls to run like frightened sheep when they get around me, or that sinful self-consciousness. . . .

31:41 I don't mean to be unkind God came to save you from that you're a child of the king you can walk into the presence of the king of the universe with your head high why can't you hold your head high in the presence of any of his grasshoppers that's what God calls us the inhabitants of the earth are his grasshoppers if you didn't shrink in the presence of a king would you shrink in the presence of a grasshopper that's why we go back to my fundamental assumption we're children of the king the God of heaven and earth and if that kind of awkwardness is what's crippling you from making the initial overtures to young women speaking now to the fellows Jesus came to save you from that if you're fat and sloppy because you're inordinate in your eating and that makes you undesirable as a man or woman Jesus Christ came to save you from putting too much in there that's sin gluttony is sin intemperance is sin sin now he came to save you from that and saving you from it will be evidence when you shed some pounds so you'll look a little better you make it a little easier for that man or that woman to consider you as a life partner or if it's the problem of perverted sexual tendencies I'm fully aware that as God works by means

33:10 so the devil works by means and that many times a fellow with homosexual tendencies it can be traced back to a situation where there was no strong male image in the home and the mother was the dominant figure I know all of that business but I also know that if God put me together to be a man he can give me grace to be masculine that doesn't mean he'll make me the most masculine man in all the world he's not going to turn me into a Burt Reynolds so that I may have hair coming up over the top of my shirt and out the back of my shirt

33:49 but seriously what it will mean is that he'll work in me sufficient masculinity that a woman my Eve when she's brought to me will sense this is one who shows masculine strength upon whom I can rest and in whom I can trust you see I may still have soft musician's hands but they'll be masculine musician hands you see so we're not setting up a stereotype saying everybody must develop at least a 44 inch chest and 16 inch biceps no no no that's unreal it's unbiblical but what I'm saying is if your problem for perpetual singleness or the root of the problem is these tendencies to femininity as a man Jesus Christ came to save you from that and if your problem as a girl is lesbian tendencies he came to save you from that and make you deliciously feminine so that someone will want to pluck you and eat you that's what he's come to do that's the gospel if I didn't believe that I'd fold up shop and quit because these are the real problems in the real world where we live so if we look at singleness in the light of the fall we will then see some of these perspectives

Singleness in Redemption: God's Power to Alter Causes and Employ Singleness as Discipline

35:15 that will help us to come to grips in a realistic way with that singleness now then what about redemption and singleness we've looked at the fall the creation and singleness the fall and singleness now redemption and singleness now what do I mean by redemption I want to define my terms I mean nothing more or less than God's activity in rescuing sinners from sin and its consequences by the salvation in Jesus Christ God's activity in rescuing sinners from sin and its consequences by the salvation that is in Christ Jesus and I have four subheadings under salvation and singleness in the form of four propositions here they are number one God in redemption can alter the sinful causes of singleness and I've already hinted at this in my application of the former point if the reason for continued singleness is one of these seven areas mentioned most of them can be altered by the grace of God there is a wonderfully restorative power in the grace of God in the grace of God and of course this comes into the whole orbit of the biblical doctrine of sanctification that God produces in us more and more the likeness of his own dear son so redemption then says

36:44 to singleness if the cause of that singleness is sinful there is power to deal with that cause and therefore with its effect second proposition is this God in redemption can employ singleness as a discipline of his grace now is sickness an abnormality brought about by the entrance of sin into the world yes or no yes all right sickness was not in the original creation was it it's one of the effects of sin but now follow closely has God harnessed sickness to accomplish the purposes of his grace he has hasn't he my grace is sufficient for thee he said to Paul my strength is made perfect in your weakness David said it's good for me that I've been afflicted that I might learn thy statutes in other words God in his marvelous grace takes the abnormalities of the real world which is the sinful world and he overrules them and directs them to accomplish his own saving purposes therefore we must recognize that as singleness is in all probability an abnormality brought about by the entrance of sin the grace of God in redemption can employ it

38:11 as a discipline of his grace you see some of you who ache for a life partner you don't know your own heart for the scripture says whoso trusteth in his own heart is a fool and your loving father who knows you knows that if he ever gave you a husband or a wife you would make such an idol of that human being that you would damn your soul forever and God mercifully to save you from self-destruction is withholding a life partner from you because he has higher ends in view namely your eternal salvation you see God knows that some of you if you ever held a child in your arms would become so idolatrously attached to that child you could not relinquish that child as a Christian parent must do again and again and again and again periodically God brings my wife and me to that place where we say Lord if the fingers have begun to bend around them at all help us to open our hands there they are now who are we to say that the God who can use perpetual physical weakness as a discipline of grace cannot use perpetual singleness as a discipline of his grace and in both cases what is demanded of us is a trustful submission to the goodness and the wisdom of God if I'm talking to someone here who has a chronic disease who has a chronic disease who has a chronic disease who has a chronic disease who has a chronic physical problem I don't mean some little thing

39:39 but I mean a real chronic physical problem and again and again you've said with Paul Lord take this thing from me it cripples me to be and to do what I want to be and do as a child of God you have learned if there's any degree of joy in your heart this morning what it is to fall at your father's feet and say Lord I think this thing is my enemy but oh God you know best and if for reasons that lie locked up in your own heart you choose to allow this physical problem this physical affliction to make me more like your son though I can understand how it is thus operating and though everything in me cries out against it Father not my will but thine be done and that how you handle it well you see you must handle perpetual singleness in precisely the same way if it is a discipline of grace and in some cases that's why God has not answered your prayer for a wife or a husband it may be and I can only say it may this is a matter you must read about it you must wrestle through with God it may be that it's the second point under redemption in singleness God in redemption can employ singleness as a discipline of His grace you might make an idol of husband or wife of children it could be that you'd crack under the pressures of marriage you see most of you who are outside of marriage look at marriage idealistically and not realistically and one of the great benefits of Dwight Small's book is

41:04 it'll give you some biblical realism about what marriage is all about and in my premarital counseling that's the one thing I go after more than anything else is to try to give these young people a realistic view of what it means to fuse two lives together and years later when they come back they'll say pastor the one thing that meant something above all else is when you kept telling us that you're going to have to roll up your sleeves and work that seemed so unreal to us then but we know now what you were talking about we didn't just flow together like two rivers that happen to meet at the same piece of of real estate and just confluenced beautifully we had to work at it and it was sweat and it was exposure and it was self-denial some of you might crack under those pressures you think being home the Cinderella of your church is rough on a Friday night and everybody else's together how would you stand up if you had to stand by a bedside and see a child dying you think there are peculiar emotional problems to singleness there are peculiar emotional problems to marriage Now, God knows our frame. We go back to last night, you see. Our basic assumption, He knows us. And He knows how you're put together.

42:17 And if God knows that the pressures of marriage and the family would break you so that you'd be tempted above that you could bear in love, He'll keep you single. Not in hatred, not in a spirit of indifference, but it's the Father's loving, wise concern. You see it? All right, the third statement.

Singleness in Redemption: A Special Instrument for God's Kingdom

42:37 That God in redemption can use singleness as a special instrument in the interest of His kingdom.

42:46 See, we're moving from the individual now, the discipline of grace. God in redemption can use singleness as a special instrument in the interest of His kingdom. And, of course, the classic statement of this is 1 Corinthians 7. And I read now from verses 32 to 36.

43:05 1 Corinthians 7. By passage...

43:08 Blessing for a moment the fact that Paul was speaking about a peculiar time of stress. He mentions it twice, that his counsel takes into account the realization of some impending crisis that will mean the upheaval of the normal structures of society in the home. But now he says in verse 32 of 1 Corinthians 7, But I would have you to be free from cares. He that is unmarried is careful for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.

43:39 He that is married... He that is married...

43:40 He that is unmarried is careful for the things of the world, how he may please his wife. Now, that's not a statement condemning it. If a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, Christ is careful to provide for the needs of his church, right? Ephesians 5.

43:54 He nourishes, cherishes the church. So the same Paul who wrote that is simply saying, if a man is married, he must of necessity be concerned with provision for his wife. He's not to be married and then live as though he were unmarried, enjoy the privileges, and shirk the responsibilities. He says this is a statement of fact.

44:15 A Christian man, a woman, who embraces his singleness with reference to peculiar purposes for extending God's kingdom, he is careful how to please the Lord, while the married man, the married woman, is careful how he may please his wife or husband, and is divided. So also the woman that is unmarried and the virgin is careful for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit, but she that is married is careful for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And that's right. If you're a married woman, you aren't to be sitting around reading devotional books seven hours a day.

44:50 You better fix your husband some good grub and clean up his house and wash his dirty underwear. You're careful how you may please your husband. So it's obvious you don't have the same amount of time than to give directly to the concerns of the kingdom of God. Now he says, further carrying on the thought, and this I say, for your own profit, that I may not cast a snare upon you, but for that which is seemly, that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

45:20 And then, of course, you have the classic statement of our Lord in Matthew 19, 12. Our Lord has been speaking about the permanence of marriage, and it frankly scared the disciples, because they lived in a context where a fellow didn't like particularly the way his wife looked. He'd write her out a bill of divorcement and say, you've had it, babe, go. That's it.

45:42 And so they came saying, can a man put away his wife for any cause? And Jesus said, well, Moses, for the hardness of your heart, gave certain structures relative to divorce, but that was contrary to God's intention in creation. In creation, the intent was one man, one woman, joined together in a permanent and indissoluble bond. Now when our Lord is done showing this, then the disciples say, almost in shocked amazement, verse 10, the disciples said, if this be the case of a man with his wife, it's not expedient to marry.

46:15 Man, if you get into that thing and you can't get out, stay out.

46:21 See? Now that contains a wonderful principle for us. And that's one of the questions I ask all the couples. Look, you come to me because you're going to get married.

46:31 How do you look upon marriage? Do you look on it as a door that only has hinges moving in one direction?

46:38 The hinges only go in.

46:41 No hinges to get out. Are you ready to walk through and have the door shut behind you and have God put the lock on it? And have God say, if you violate that lock, you violate my law?

46:52 Boy, it's safer to stay outside that door. That's what the disciples said. And the Lord said, all right, not all men can receive this saying, but they to whom it is given, for there are eunuchs that were born so from their mother's womb. Here is a man who in terms of one of the side effects of sin, something is defective in his physical constitution.

47:13 He has no normal sexual, no sexual capacity, no normal sexual drive. And then he goes on to say, and there are eunuchs that were made eunuchs by men. In other words, he says, in certain situations, men are actually castrated. And this was a practice in that day.

47:28 When a guy had a harem, he didn't want the servant who looked after the harem to be messing around with the goods. So they would put their castrated males as heads of their harems. And so this is what our Lord is referring to. There are eunuchs made so by men.

47:44 Now, he says, and there are eunuchs that made themselves eunuch for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. He says there are certain instances where a man or a woman may embrace the single state and find grace from God for this discipline of singleness, for the interest and the advancement of the kingdom of God. Now, you have two classic examples of this, one in the old and one in the new.

48:14 Who's the old? The Old Testament example. Can you think of him? A man that, humanly speaking, needed a wife more than anyone else from what we learn of his character.

48:25 The weeping, sensitive prophet Jeremiah. But what did God tell him? Thou shalt not take unto thee a wife. God gave him an explicit command.

48:37 There were certain demands of the interest of the kingdom of God at that point in history for which God had a purpose touching Jeremiah. And Jeremiah could not serve that purpose with the responsibilities of a wife and a family. And God then said, Thou shalt not take a wife. And I've often wondered how Jeremiah must have wrestled that thing through before God, this sensitive man, how he needed and helped answering to his need, an understanding wife who could be the counselor of his bosom, to whom he could unburden himself.

49:13 God said no. And then, of course, the classic example in the New Testament is the Apostle Paul. 1 Corinthians chapter 9. I have a right to lead about a wife as the rest of the apostles, but he said I did not use this right that I might gain the more.

49:30 1 Corinthians chapter 9. So the third principle then of the theology of singleness when we look at it under redemption and singleness is God in redemption can use singleness as a special instrument in the interest of his kingdom. And now statement four that some of you, I hope you'll dig your ears out and listen carefully. God in redemption can make us happy, content, and fulfilled people if singleness is our ordained lot.

Singleness in Redemption: God Provides Contentment and Fulfillment

50:08 God in redemption can make us happy, content, and fulfilled people if singleness is our ordained lot. God in redemption can make us happy, content, and fulfilled people if singleness is our ordained lot. Now where do we find that? Well, that's the whole message of the scriptures.

50:23 But let me give you several texts that state it in a very succinct way. In Philippians 4 verses 11 to 13. Philippians chapter 4 verses 11 to 13. The apostle is speaking of his gratitude for the practical expressions of the love of the Philippians.

50:44 They've sent material provisions to Paul. And he says, let's pick up at verse 10 of chapter 4. And he says, let's pick up at verse 10 of chapter 4. I rejoice in the Lord greatly that now at length you've revived your thought for me, wherein ye did indeed take thought, but ye lacked opportunity.

50:58 He said, I'm grateful you've sent me these tangible expressions of your love, provisions for my temporal needs. But he says, I want you to know that I'm not saying this because I was sitting here in a prison, groaning and moaning in a self-inflicted kind of pity party because I didn't have, what kind of a God do I have? He gave me a stomach and I serve him and he doesn't give me food. No, he says, look, when I say thank you for the things you've sent, it's not that I speak in respect of want, for I have learned in whatsoever state I am therein to be content.

51:36 Now get the context. Is it normal for a man to have gnawing physical hunger, unrelieved and unsatisfied? Is that normal, yes or no? No, that's contrary to the order of creation.

51:48 God says, behold, I have given you all these things and they are good for food. And so hunger, unrelieved hunger, is one of those abnormalities of the fall. And yet Paul says, there was grace from God to find contentment in the consciousness of a gnawing stomach. Now he goes on to say, I know how to abound in everything I have learned the secret both to be filled and hungry, to abound and be in want.

52:20 I can do all things in him that strengtheneth me. Now you see the application I'm going to make? Has God given me as a woman the longings for fulfillment to answer to some Adam? Yes.

52:34 That's not old man, that's not new man, that's human. But if God has given the longings, God has given the aspirations, then I must be consigned to a state of constant restlessness and discontent if he doesn't give me my Adam. No. And the reverse could be said of you fellows as well.

52:57 God is able, by the power of his grace, to make you say with Paul, I have learned in whatever state I am therewith to be content. Now you see contentment is different from stoical toleration. I may stoically tolerate something with which I have no content whatsoever.

53:24 There's a difference, isn't there? I may stoically tolerate, grin and bear it, bite my lower lip. God's God. And I'm in one of those reformed churches that says he's sovereign, so I gotta believe it.

53:41 So I guess the reason I don't have a husband or wife is because he's a sovereign God and I know better than to curse him.

53:49 So I'll just bite my lip. I'll just bite my lip. That's not what Paul's talking about. He's saying, yes, God is sovereign.

53:58 He caused ravens to act contrary to their nature. They're a carrion-eating bird. And God causes ravens to put fresh flesh in their beaks and not consume it, but carry it to a prophet and drop it as he's hiding by the brook Cherith. That God could supply my need.

54:15 And when this Paul goes on to say, my God shall supply all your need in verse 19, that's not a blank check to say God will always meet my immediate physical and material needs. He's saying that when God in wisdom withholds the supply of normal provision for normal physical and human appetite, he will give me the grace to be content. That's how he supplies my need. For my greatest need many times is not food.

54:42 It's to learn to trust my heavenly Father. When my stomach is empty, the apostle says. And he said, I've learned to praise him in that situation. And God in redemption then can make you, man or woman, happy, content, and fulfilled in your singleness if that is your God-appointed lot.

55:03 We turn back in chapter 4 of Philippians to that wonderful directive. Have you ever applied this to your singleness? Philippians chapter 4 in verse 6. In nothing be anxious.

Overcoming Anxiety and Finding Peace in Singleness

55:21 Oh boy, I'm getting on to my late 20s and nobody's shown a real interest now. In nothing be anxious. Are you sinfully anxious about a husband or a wife? If you are, you're sinning.

55:41 You are sinning. That kind of anxiety is just as much a sin as a violation of the commandment, thou shalt not steal. Be anxious for nothing. Well, that's all right for you to say that, Paul, but how in the world do you get to that position?

55:57 He says, well, hang in with me and I'll tell you. But, here is the antithesis. Here is the corrective to that anxiety, but in everything by prayer and supplication. And here's the little clause that really tests us.

56:11 With thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God, and then the peace of God which passes understanding shall guard your hearts and thoughts in Christ Jesus. Some of you say, well, I prayed about a wife, prayed about a husband. I still don't have any peace. You know why?

56:25 You have not yet been able prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. With thanksgiving. Thanksgiving for what? Well, you say, thanking God He's going to answer my prayer right quick.

56:35 No, no.

56:38 With thanksgiving that God knows what my appointed lot is, and I don't. God knows the timing that is perfect for Him that may be entirely foreign to what I think is the right timing for me. Lord, I spread before you. You've made me an Eve.

56:56 It was your idea, Lord. I didn't put me together as a woman. I didn't put myself together so that naturally and normally there is the longing to compliment an Adam, to take my place under the covering of his authority, of his provision, of his love and concern. Lord, you made me this way.

57:16 And I tell God that. Then I say, Lord, but I thank you. You know better what you made than the thing made knows itself. And, Lord, I praise you that you wouldn't make me.

57:28 And then it's some kind of a Simon the Gris.

57:31 Willingly and deliberately and viciously withhold what is for my good. Lord, I praise you. You're good to me. Lord, the only reason I'm still single is because if you'd let me get married up till now, I'd have botched the thing up or I'd have botched myself up.

57:47 Lord, I praise you for the wisdom that's kept me single. I praise you for the grace that's preserved me from pitfalls that I do not see nor could I ever anticipate. But, Lord, you made me an Eve nonetheless. If it please you, Lord, in your time.

58:03 In the meantime, Lord, be preparing me to be the Eve that will answer to some Adam's need. And when you, with prayer and supplication, mingle with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God, then the peace of God shall guard your heart and mind. Now, does that mean it will neuter your longings? No.

58:24 Any more than when Paul sat in a jail somewhere with gnawing hunger pains but brought his request to God when he finished praying, God didn't neuter his hunger pangs. That would be to dehumanize him. But it enabled him to have peace in the midst of his pangs. And that's what we need.

Pastoral Empathy and God's Sufficiency for Singleness

58:48 I'm not insensitive to the pangs of singleness. Though I married what we considered relatively young, I had a lot of responsibility for four to five years before I was married in the work of the ministry. And I know the pangs of singleness. I know what it's like to come home after a day of pouring out my life in ministry to others and come to the four walls of a dingy little house down in South Carolina, down in Georgia.

59:14 I know what it's like to feel an ache that was as real as a tummy ache, the longing for someone to share with, my joys and just the sheer hunger to fully possess a woman who would meet my physical and emotional needs. I don't speak as an insensitive person. Well, you're married. You know, my friend, I'm human.

59:33 And my wife and I have talked very realistically about this. And we've come to the conclusion that should the Lord be pleased in His wisdom to take her, this idea of living out a widower's years, crazy. My kids would need a mother. And I'd need a wife to function.

59:53 And God might cause me to put to the test someday the very thing I'm telling you fellows and girls. I know that. I say these things very conscious of that. But if I didn't believe God's grace was sufficient to operate according to Philippians 4, 5, and 6, I'd pack in.

60:09 Now, does that mean that the thing will never arise? No, no. Then every time it begins to disturb and trouble us to the point of upsetting our spiritual equilibrium, then we go back. Lord, I'm beginning to be sinfully anxious.

60:22 That's contrary to Your Word. Now, Lord, here's the divine pattern by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. And I come back to it again and again and again and spread my case before the Lord. And then, of course, you have those wonderful promises.

60:38 Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Psalm 34, 10. No good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. Psalm 84, 11.

60:53 Now, did God mean those things? Or are they just pretty little verses that God put in the Bible to mock single people? You see, embracing your singleness theologically is a deeply personal and spiritual issue. And until it's done, our singleness, instead of being a blessing, will be a curse.

61:14 Now, in all of these things, with but one or two exceptions, I've refrained from using human illustrations to verify the assertions because we began with the assumption that the Father's Word was adequate. We didn't need human experience. We don't need human illustrations. The Father's Word is adequate.

Conclusion and Review of the Theology of Singleness

61:32 The Father's Word is clear. And the Father's Word, the Father's Word is authoritative and is binding. This, I submit then to you, is a biblical theology of singleness. Let me give you the heads in review, hoping that you can retain them in your own memory.

61:48 First of all, singleness in creation, it was not God's norm. Singleness and the fall, most of the results or most of the causes of continued singleness are direct results of the fall of man. And then, singleness in redemption, God in redemption can alter the causes of our singleness. God in redemption can employ singleness as a discipline of His grace.

62:16 God in redemption can use singleness as a special instrument to advance His kingdom. God in redemption can make us happy, content, and fulfilled, even if singleness is our appointed lot. Lord willing, in the next session, we'll take up the advantages of singleness, the disadvantages of singleness, and then seven words of directive to those that are single, if and until. All right?

62:47 Let us commit our thoughts to the Lord in prayer.