Punishment of Children

The Foundational Doctrine of Child Discipline: Nature of the Child and True Liberty

0:00 What the scripture says concerning the discipline and training of children rests upon a larger foundation or a more basic doctrine, namely, the doctrine of the nature of the child, what is the child, and secondly, the nature of true liberty or blessedness. And so if we're to understand and apply intelligently the biblical directives for discipline, we must remember, first of all, the nature of the child. What are we dealing with when we apply biblical discipline? And I said that there are two facets of biblical truth that we must keep before us continually.

0:42 Does anyone remember what they were? The first one is, Irving, were you raising your hand or turning a page? Oh, all right. All right, somebody who was going to raise his hand.

0:54 All right, we must remember what the child is by the act of creation or as a creation. A creature made in the image of God. That child is not a fully developed creature. It comes in this pliable, plastic, moldable state, and because of that, there is a natural process of development, which was true of our Lord in all the sinlessness of his person.

1:19 It says he grew, he developed in wisdom, mental development, stature, physical development, in favor with God, spiritual development, and in favor with God. And in favor with man, social development. So, in the application of discipline, whatever relates strictly to the child as a creature in normal stages of development, whether it's the baby who can't find the mouth with his fork, or whether it's the teenager who's all feet and knocks everything over and greatly frustrates you, we must not discipline what is simply an expression of the creaturehood of the child. However, the child is not only a creature by virtue of his nature, but also by virtue of his nature.

1:59 However, the child is not only a creature by virtue of his nature, of creation, but he is also a fallen creature by virtue of the fall. And Proverbs 22.15 says, Foolishness, sinfulness, is bound up in the heart of the child, and the rod of correction driveth it far from him. It is not childishness to which we apply the rod of correction, but it is foolishness to which we apply the rod of correction.

2:25 And the biblical concept of discipline takes into account discipline, the second aspect of the nature of the child, namely that he is a fallen creature with a depraved heart and with a rebellious will. And then the second thing upon which the biblical doctrine of discipline is built is what I've called the nature of true liberty or true blessedness. And true blessedness for a creature made in the image of God is not found in being free to do what you want to do, but in being free to do what you ought to do. Having your will so subjected to the will of God that therein you find delight.

3:08 And biblical discipline recognizes that the most tyrannical thing to do to a child, the surest path to self-destruction, is to let the child do as he pleases. That's why the scripture says, A child left to himself causeth his mother shame. Ultimately, that child not only brings grief to himself, but grief to the heart, but grief to the heart of his parents. Biblical discipline takes into account that we must train that child's will to be submissive, to constitute his authority, and in that submission, to do what he ought to do is true liberty and true blessedness.

The Goal of Biblical Discipline: Conquering the Will

3:47 So much then for the roots of the biblical doctrine. Then we began to consider the substance of the biblical doctrine itself. Last week, we looked at the goal, secondly, the means to attain the goal, and I said tonight we would consider the manner in which that means, or those means, excuse me, ought to be applied. What is the goal of biblical discipline?

4:14 Our goals must reflect God's goals. Our means reflect his means. Our manner of discipline must reflect his manner of discipline. And God has a goal in his discipline.

4:27 Hebrews 12.10 says, He disciplines us that we might be partakers of his holiness, that we might know what it is to love his will from the heart and do it. Psalm 119, verses 67, 71, and 75 indicate something of the goals of the discipline of God. I read these verses now.

4:52 Psalm 119, 67, Before I was afflicted, I went astray. But now, I observe thy word. What goal did God have in afflicting his servant? He had the goal of teaching him obedience.

5:09 We find essentially the same in verse 71. It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn thy statutes. Verse 75, I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are righteous, and that in faithfulness thou hast afflicted me. God's goal in chastening his children, is to bring them to the place where they from the heart embrace his will as that which is best for them, as well as to his glory.

5:40 Our goal in our discipline of our children must be the bringing of their wills into subjection to constituted authority. Nothing less than the conquering of that will is the goal of our discipline. Mrs. Suzanne, Anna Wesley is known for her insights, learned by experience with her many children, and her words along this line are most helpful, and I thought it would just add a little spice to the review if I read this.

6:14 Writing to her son, John, about the matter of the disciplinary principles that she implemented when he was a child, she says, and I quote, In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer them, their will, and bring them to an obedient temper. To inform the understanding is a work of time, and must with children proceed by slow degrees as they are able to bear it. But the subjecting of the will is a thing which must be done at once, and the sooner the better. For by neglecting timely correction, they will contract a stubbornness and obstinacy which is hardly ever after conquered, and never without use, using such severity as would be painful to me as to the child. In the esteem of the world, they pass for kind and indulgent, whom I call cruel parents, who permit their children to get habits which they know must afterwards be broken. Nay, some are so stupidly fond, as in sport, to teach their children to do things which after a while they have severely beaten them for doing. Whenever a child is corrected, it must be conquered, and this will be no hard matter to do if it be not grown headstrong by too much indulgence.

7:37 And when the will of a child is totally subdued and is brought to revere and stand in awe of the parents, then a great many childish follies and inadvertences may be passed by. I insist upon conquering the will of the children betimes because this is the only strong and right way to do it. I insist upon conquering the will of the children betimes because this is the only strong and right way to do it. I insist upon conquering the will of the children betimes because this is the only strong and right way to do it.

8:03 When this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by reason and piety of its parents till its own understanding comes to maturity and the principles of religion have taken root in the mind. That's our goal, the conquering of the will. And contrary to all modern psychology, this is not to ruin the child, it's to bring him into the way of blessedness, to conquer the will of the children. Conquer that will is the goal of our discipline.

8:32 So that the child renders an obedience without question, an obedience that is instantaneous without arguments, and an obedience that is consistent without exceptions. The idea of a child standing up to debate his parents is a concept looked upon in scripture as a most terrible and unnatural thing. Then the means by which this goal is to be accomplished, we just began to look at it last week. Two means, Ephesians 6, 4, rear your children in the chastening and the admonition of the Lord.

The Means of Biblical Discipline: Admonition and the Rod

9:11 Verbal direction, corporal direction, word of mouth, and the rod of correction. This is the means that God has ordained to the end that this goal be realized. Namely, the conquering of that will, the bringing of that will into subjection to constituted authority. So much then for our review, having looked at the goal of discipline, the means of discipline, now tonight, the manner in which those means are to be employed.

Manner 1: Administering the Rod in God's Name

9:49 In what manner, particularly now I'm thinking of the rod of correction, in what manner is the rod to be employed? And I have seven things I want to cover. I don't know if we'll have time to cover them. I hope we can.

10:04 First of all, the rod of correction must always be administered in God's name.

10:19 You remember the little phrase that occurred in Ephesians 6, 4, and it's a most pivotal phrase. As God gives direction to fathers to rear their children in this twofold way, admonition and chastening,

10:35 says it is to be admonition and chastening of the Lord.

10:43 As he exhorts children to be submissive to the direction of the parents in verse 1 of Ephesians 6, notice the phrase, children obey your parents in the Lord.

10:57 Now what do I mean by the phrase, our discipline must always be as to its manner in God's name. I mean precisely this, and I believe this is what scripture, I must be conscious that when I am disciplining my children, I am doing so as one who is acting under divine orders, therefore with divine authority. My God directs me in this activity, therefore I must obey him. It's like a Christian policeman.

11:31 When he goes to apprehend a criminal, if someone's been involved in a crime, and he must be the, the instrument to see that man committed to the hands of the law, and ultimately perhaps even to death, back in the days when men believed the Bible and its mandate about capital punishment, that godly policeman need have no qualms of conscience that he is a murderer, that he somehow should be guilty for what he's done, for when he apprehends that criminal, he does so in the name of the government, who in turn acts in the name of God. Romans 13, there is no power but such as ordained of God. Now in the same way, many a parent has all kinds of psychological and emotional conflicts about the disciplining of his children because he does not recognize, I am not disciplining this child and applying the rod of correction simply because I'm bigger, or simply because society says that's a right of fathers and mothers. No. I administer this rod of correction, because God commands me to do so. He has placed that rod in my hand as a stewardship, and I must obey him.

12:48 Now if that truth grips me, and is present in the actual administration of discipline, it will have several very beneficial results. Number one, it will keep us from indifference to the responsibility of administering the rod. When you believe, that God has put in your hands as part of your stewardship, the rod of correction, whether that's the five pronged rod of your own hand, or a switch from the willow tree, or your belt, or whatever instrument you use. You cannot be indifferent to the application of that rod.

13:27 You know as a parent, when you stand before God, one of the things God is going to hold you accountable for is, how did you discharge the stewardship of the rod? Just as I, as a teaching, ruling elder, am going to be held accountable for this stewardship of the ministry of the word of God, Hebrews 13, 17, they who must give an account for your souls, that they may do it with joy and not with grief. I have a stewardship, a peculiar stewardship in the cause of Christ Church. As a teaching, ruling elder, I must give an account for how I administered that stewardship.

14:08 I must give an account for how I administered that stewardship. I must give an account for how I administered that stewardship. I must give an account for how I administered that stewardship. When that truth grips me, then you see the most difficult, tacky, nasty aspects of the Christian ministry must be done anyway because I have a stewardship.

14:24 Now the same is true of you as a parent. God has put in your hands, not the word to expound it as a ruling elder with peculiar authority, obey them that have the rule over you, but as a parent in that home, He's put the rod of correction, but as a parent in that home, He's put the rod of correction, as a means of grace and says, when you stand before me, I'm going to hold you accountable for how you administered that stewardship. Now if that grips me, that I'm administering my discipline in God's name, under His divine authority, how can I be indifferent to the responsibility of the administration of the rod? Second thing it will do, and this flows out of it, it will keep me from being fearful of the consequences of administering the rod. Consequences both present and future. Suppose someone were to come to me recently and say, Pastor, don't you think that preaching those dark, those terrible messages on hell might drive someone insane? I would have to say if it drives them insane, I can't bear responsibility for that.

15:29 God's told me to preach the word. I must leave the responsibility with Him. So a parent says, well, if I begin to truly administer discipline as I ought, and this is particularly true if you've let them go, for three or four years, if you've let them go for seven or eight or nine or ten, it'll even be more true. Well, my children may hate me for a while.

15:50 That's true, they may. They may. It's rare that they ever do, if the rod is administered rightly in infancy from the cradle up. But even if it should be, that's not my responsibility.

16:03 You see, if I have a stewardship from God to administer the rod in His name, then I'm delivered from this fearfulness of the consequences, for the consequences of my obedience are not my business but God's business. And then the third thing this realization of discipline in God's name will do, it will keep me from carelessness. I simply cannot sense that I am under divine authority with a rod that's been placed in my hand by God and then turn around and wield that rod any old way, any more than the preacher who knows that his commission is from the Lord handles this book any old way. The man who knows that he has a stewardship from God in the word says with Paul, not handling the word of God deceitfully. So the parent who believes that the rod is given by God is equally concerned to know, Lord, how would you have me administer the rod? I don't want to administer the rod wrongly for it's part of my stewardship and the rod must be administered according to the direction of the God who put it in my hand. So let me suggest under this matter of the manner in which our discipline is to be carried out, it must always be first of all in God's name.

17:24 And may I say by way of a practical application of this, make this plain to your children. Let them know that they are not simply the object of a blown pressure valve in your temper room. If your rod is picked up not with a sense of divine stewardship but because something is irked, you put the rod down till you get your composure. Say to your children, as I think I may have intimated to you earlier, as I've done time after time with my children, now, what have you done?

18:00 I have disobeyed. What must daddy do? Daddy must spank. Why? Because God tells him he must.

18:07 Well, if daddy's going to obey God, what must you get? I must get a spanking. And the kids themselves, as it were, pass their own sentence upon themselves. Now, why do I do this?

18:18 Not to get myself off the hook, but to get them to know that I'm acting in God's name. Therefore, they feel the weight of that discipline as a discipline of divine authority. And I'm not claiming that I have some super insight or I'm the paragon of parental order in this way, but I'm amazed at how few parents do. If you were to ask their children, why do your parents, discipline you, they couldn't give you any answer close to the scriptural concept.

18:53 They'd say, well, they do it when they, when I exasperate them enough and I say enough no's and I do enough naughty things to make their thread run bare and then they blow. That would be the answer too many parents would give. Is that the answer your children would give? Could I do a little survey with your permission?

19:10 Could I start calling up your kids or meeting them Sunday and say, do your mommy and daddy ever spank you? Yes. Why? It'd be interesting to see what their answer would be, wouldn't it? Hmm?

Manner 2: Administering the Rod in Love

19:20 They ought to be able to say they discipline me because God has ordered them to do so for my good and for their, for God's flow. So it must be in God's name and we must get this through to our kids. Secondly, it must always be done in love. Our discipline is to be like God's discipline.

19:44 Out of what context of heart attitude does God's discipline flow? Well, let me give you just two passages. Revelation 3.19.

19:54 Jesus says to a church to which he has spoken some very severe words of admonition. In fact, words that in our fastidious mid-20th century church life seem a little coarse. He says, I'm about to puke you. Oh, you say that's coarse, Pastor.

20:12 No, that's exactly what our Lord says. I'm about to spew you out of my mouth. Oh, what a terrible way to talk to people. Certainly anyone who talks to people.

20:23 He talks that way doesn't love them. But the Lord goes right on to say in verse 19, As many as I love, I rebuke and I chase. As many as I love. He says, what I've told you, I tell you out of my deepest love to you.

20:39 Strong words. I would you were cold or hot. Because you're not, I'm about to vomit you out. Repent.

20:49 As many as I love, I rebuke and chase. His sternest admonitions, they come couched in a context of love. And Hebrews 12, 5. Ye have forgotten the exhortation which dealeth with you as sons.

21:03 And that exhortation says, Whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. May I just give you my little definition of love for those of you who haven't heard it before. God's love is that divine and selfless affection which seeks the good of its object, even at personal cost. And when I discipline my children, my motive must be that selfless affection which seeks their good, even at personal cost.

21:38 The cost of the tearing of my own heart as I see pain inflicted upon them. The pain, the cost of the pain of my own spirit as I must inflict that which God says is my responsibility. I see that my child's good demands that he learn obedience. And I see in the light of Scripture that the rod is the means of teaching obedience.

22:03 So I must wield it, no matter how much it may hurt me. For if I love them, I am willing to do what is for their good, even if it hurts me. And certainly a passage like Proverbs 29, 15 makes abundantly clear that it is indeed for their good. The rod and reproof give wisdom.

22:25 Do I want my children to be wise? Do I want my children to be wise with heavenly wisdom? Then the rod and reproof, verbal and corporal, you see the two things tied together again, these are God's means, excuse me, to teach that wisdom. And I must use it then.

22:42 This is God's means. But it must be done in love. And if my heart is motivated by love in the discipline of my children, this will have some practical effects. The first effect is this.

22:59 It will keep me from the two greatest errors and failures in the whole matter of the administration of the rod. On the one hand, you have that terrible, tyrannical administration of the rod without love, and the rod administered without love is revolting tyranny, both to the child and to any thoughtful Christian. When the rod comes without love, holding that rod, it is revolting tyranny. It's a brute adult giving vent to his own passions upon a younger and more helpless than he or she.

23:41 That's one problem. The other end of the pole is this. It's that profession of love which says its love is so deep that it can't hurt its object. That kind of love which refuses to use the rod is unprincipled sentimentality, which in reality is hate, according to Proverbs 13, 24.

24:09 For in this passage it says, concerning the person who says that he loves his children too much to use the rod, he that spareth his rod hateth his son. Wherever you find a parent who, quote, loves his children too much to discipline them, and I'm speaking particularly of corporal punishment, the application of the rod, spankings, whatever term you want to use, God says that person hates his son. He hates him. In reality he doesn't love his child, he loves himself.

24:45 He loves himself. He loves his own notions too much to take God's way of discipline. Or he loves his own feelings and sensitivities too much to run the risk of the pain that comes when you must administer discipline. So if we have Biblical love for our children, and that love prompts the use of the rod, it will keep us on the one hand from that revolting tyranny of a loveless rod, and from that unprincipled sentimentality of a rodless love.

25:18 Now we need to be kept from both a loveless rod and a rodless love. And the fusion of the Biblical teaching is the rod administered in love as you have in the last part of Proverbs 13, 24 but he that loveth him, loveth his son, chasteneth him betimes or as the margin has it he will chasten him diligently. Now it's interesting that the Bible nowhere to my knowledge gives us any record of a loveless rod. I'm sure there were such and I'm sure you have seen such.

25:59 I have met the fruits of the loveless rod. Where people were faithful in the administration of the rod and they made this very obvious but they were not as obvious and faithful in the expressions of their love to their children and it's warped them and twisted them. But I don't know of any such examples in the Scripture. There may be, I don't know of any.

26:23 But Scripture does give us some classic and tragic examples of a rodless rod. Love. You have Eli. Eli the man who reproved his sons for we have the record in 1 Samuel 3 and let's look at it for just a moment.

26:42 1 Samuel chapter 3 for all these things are written for our admonition the Scripture tells us. And here Samuel speaking in the name of Jehovah says to Eli verse 12 of 1 Samuel 3 I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house from the beginning to the end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew because his sons did bring a curse upon them and he restrained them not. And he restrained them not.

27:25 And we have the record here in the other in the parallel passage of how Eli rebuked his sons but no evidence that he disciplined them. 1 Samuel 2 23 we have the record of his scolding his sons. And he said unto them Why do ye such things? For I hear of your evil doers from all this people.

27:50 Nay my sons it's no good report that I hear ye make the Lord's people to transgress. But you see his reproofs carried no weight because he restrained not his sons. And then David who was a man after God's own heart who was an excellent singer an excellent warrior a sensitive saint and yet a man who obviously failed with some of his own sons. And as you read the record of his dealings with Absalom and Ammon and some of Amnon and some of his other sons it's evident that he was a man who did not know the love that administered the rod faithfully.

Manner 3: Administering the Rod Within Reason

28:30 So in the manner in which we discipline it must always be in God's name secondly in love thirdly it must always be within reason. I'll explain what I mean about that. God disciplines on the basis of his own inherent authority. We discipline by authority derived from him.

29:05 God always disciplines in love so we must discipline in love. God always disciplines taking into into full account the state and condition of his children. He disciplines within reason. Psalm 103 verses 13 and 14.

29:24 Psalm 103 verses 13 and 14. Like as a father pitieth his children so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame he remembereth that we are dust. Back to verses 8 and 9.

29:45 The Lord is merciful and gracious slow to anger abundant in loving kindness. He will not always chide neither will he keep his anger forever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins nor rewarded us after our iniquities. You see the whole setting of this Psalm.

30:01 God's disciplinary dealings with his children are within reason. He takes into account our frailty. He takes into account our propensity to evil. And in all of his discipline there is not only the spirit of love but this what shall we call it this tender compassionate understanding of what we are and his dealings with us are according to that understanding.

30:29 I believe this is what the apostle had in mind when he said in Colossians 3 verses 20 and 21 these words that we read on another occasion but I didn't do anything to expound them Children obey your parents in all things for it is well pleasing in the Lord. Fathers provoke not your children that they be not discouraged. What discourages a child? When a parent sets standards of conduct that are beyond reasonable attainment and then punishes the child he can't attain them.

31:09 That discourages the child until he feels what's the use? I try and I still can't please them. Why try? He gets discouraged.

31:17 You know what it's like. Some of you had a boss who had expectations of you that were absolutely unreasonable and when you didn't come up to them and you got his frown and you were chided for it after a while you say what's the use? You lose all your incentive, right? Well this is what Paul says children must not experience.

31:35 Don't provoke them that they be discouraged. Have your standards of discipline within reason. Let me illustrate this. The other day we had a couple visiting us who have a little one just about a year old and they're really trying to do something in the area of disciplining the child.

31:53 And at home the little one has been taught not to go by the stove that's a hot hot and not to touch any of the knobs on the gas stove or electric stove but here they were in a strange house and the child is at that stage where because it is a creature in the image of God it is inquisitive and it's learning it's motor control and when it sees something it wants to reach out and touch and so as it was exploring our kitchen it could reach the knobs on the gas stove and I told them look you're only going to be here for a couple of hours and the child is too young to make the association that it can make in its own environment and in its own situation I said personally they asked our feeling on it I said I think you would be unwise and unwise and unreasonable to discipline the child for touching our stove now in your own environment in your own home where you established that certain places are out of bounds and certain things are no no's then you bear down and stick with them but you'll discourage that child she won't understand now this is what I'm saying by just way of a recent illustration and this seemed to be helpful to this particular couple let our discipline be within reason that is within the capacity of that child to understand our requirement age its brightness and all the rest and then be sure that they clearly understand the guidelines that we're setting out for them so that when they step out and are disciplined for it they're not discouraged

Manner 4: Administering the Rod with Sufficient Firmness

33:23 and wonder why but they know why they have done that which has been rebellion against the authority of the parent then the fourth one and here I want to sit for a while because what I've seen of a lot of professing Christians in this area convinces me it's a matter that needs some clear underscoring and underlining our discipline must not only be in God's name in love within reason but always with sufficient firmness to accomplish its goal now this is the way God disciplines us and I come back to this again and again our discipline is to reflect his how does God discipline may I say God doesn't discipline with a few love taps we read in 1 Corinthians 11 30 because of the sin of the Corinthians he said for this cause many among you are weak and sickly and some sleep Paul says there at Corinth are people with crippled bodies some whose funerals you've conducted as a result of the chastening hand of your God God uses terminology in Psalm 89 31 to 33

34:51 which underlines this principle as well Psalm 89 verses 31 to 33 if they break my statutes and keep not my commandments then will I visit their transgression with the rod and then their iniquity with stripes but my loving kindness will I not utterly take from him nor suffer my faithfulness to fail what I do I do in love but now get it I do it with sufficient firmness to enforce the lesson he speaks of stripes and of visiting them with the rod Hebrews 12 says that God's discipline that it will take away all our joy and make us feel bad isn't that what he says Hebrews chapter 12 verse 11 all chastening for the present seemeth to be not joyous but grievous in other words God's chastening has sufficient firmness that it makes you miserable to stay in your present condition and it just isn't worth you want a larger

36:20 commentary on it read Psalm 6 Psalm 32 Psalm 51 in those Psalms the Psalmist says day and night thy hand was what heavy upon me my moisture is turned into the drought of summer I make my couch to swim with my tears here's a man chastened of God for his sin and then further on because his sin was such a public sin God says nevertheless though I'm forgiving you because you've given the enemies of God occasion to blaspheme David I'm going to take the life of the son who is the fruit of that illicit union with Bathsheba in all of this God loved his servant David and yet he disciplined him with sufficient firmness to enforce the lesson therefore if my discipline is to be like God's discipline the implementation of the rob of correction must be with sufficient firmness so that it's not worth the while of the child to do that thing again or to disobey in that area again now isn't this what we find in Proverbs first of all chapter 19 and verse 18 Proverbs 19 and verse 18 chasten

37:50 thy son seeing there is hope and set not thy heart on his destruction chasten thy son seeing there is hope or while there is yet time I believe the King James says and then chapter 20 and verse 30 stripes that wound cleanse away evil and strokes reach the innermost parts the King James says about the purple of the wound cleanses away evil or the purple of the wound that does this here's the indication of discipline that has sufficient firmness now this doesn't cancel out this or this or this they're all together but neither do these three cancel out this this is all part of the whole picture of biblically administered discipline in the discipline of one of his children happened to be a little girl and he and his wife had talked about this problem with us and I tried to deal with the thing scripturally then I happened to be in his home one day when the problem arose this child was exerting

39:19 its little Adamic will and I saw this father give her what he called a quote spanking and after that I had no idea what it was and I actually kidded him about it and he got the message it was taking his wrist and making it very loose and making it come about four inches away from her little bottom and flapping his wrist on her little bottom like this now don't you do that again and so two or three diapers it was worth it to do it and thought of that little wrist action with the fingertips lightly brushing her backside it was perfectly worth it to go on in the course of disobedience again there wouldn't have been a purple wound there if he'd stuck at that for 50 years there wasn't even sufficient pressure to make it a little bit red now you say you mean you take the Bible literally here I do I do in that so that the lesson is enforced upon the nerve endings of that child which is what he clearly

40:48 understands at that age when reason and rational thought has little to do with its direction I read something very touching in John R. Rice's book there's much about Mr. Rice's theology that I wouldn't encourage anyone else to read because they're in the service of Christ and he learned his lessons from the Bible and in practical experience and his book the home courtship marriage and children has some excellent things in it and I thought this was a touching story I read it this week and I thought I'd pass it on to you this is what he says on this point about the same thing, and I was so vigorous about it that faint blue marks were left by my fingers. The beloved but stubborn child had surrendered to the inevitable and had given up her will in the matter and had quietly gone to sleep when I saw those marks. The sight cut me to the heart. I went alone to cry and to pray. I knew of no other way besides the vigorous spanking to get

42:03 the proper results, and I was sure I had done right. Yet the blue marks on the little body so precious left me stricken with grief. I remember well that I prayed something like this. Heavenly Father, I do not pretend to know much about rearing children. I only know what you've said in your word, and I'm going to try to do it. Now, oh my heavenly Father, you must see to it that it gets the blessed results you've promised. You must make my girls good girls, and I bear the dear Lord record. I know that he's fulfilled his word in the matter of my beloved daughters. Blessed and holy results in character can come from a sound whipping given in Jesus' name, and because it is right, in punishment for sin and to secure obedience. Dear ones, I've seen little blue marks occasionally on the bottoms of my children, and it's cut me to the heart. But as I've seen the sanctifying effect of the purple of the womb, it's convinced me again that God means for me to do what he says. For never have those blue marks ever been inflicted the few times they have out of temper or anger. But because in God's name and in love for that child, within a reasonable

43:19 standard of expectancy, there needed to be the application of discipline with sufficient firmness to enforce the lesson. I've said it before, I'll say it again. The words still ring in my ears. Dad, give him some more. He's not sweet.

43:35 He's not sweet yet. He's not sweet yet. There's just been enough to have the will even become more stiff. That's what Mr. Rice is talking about. It took two or three spankings until the child was sweetly submissive to the will of its parent. And you and I must stick with it. I've seen in my own family four, five, six spankings, some of my brothers and sisters before the will was submissive at that point. Never had to go to that extreme that many times.

44:07 With my own, there have been situations where you wonder, Lord, I can't do anymore. I can't go on in which you realize I must. I have a responsibility from God. Always with sufficient firmness. And I think that some of you will honestly face this principle. You'll see why you have to say, quote, I tried spanking, but it doesn't work. I wouldn't mind getting 50 of those kind of spankings that are just a little risk exercise. Then the fifth thing,

Manner 5: Administering the Rod with Unrelenting Consistency

44:40 discipline must always be with unrelenting consistency. Now that's the way God is with us. As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten every son that I receive. God's love is coextensive with his discipline. And the only time his discipline ceases is either when his love ceases or when we no longer need discipline. Well, his love will never cease, but blessed be God, a time is coming when we'll never cease. When we no longer need discipline, we shall be like him. We'll see him as he is. But not until then does he seek to discipline us. With unrelenting consistency, God disciplines us because he's determined to make us like his son, isn't he? He chose us in Christ that we should be holy and without blemish before him. Romans 8, 28 says, whom he did foreknow, he did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his son. He's so determined that we should be like his son,

45:41 that as long as we are like his son, we shall be like his son. And if we are like his son, we shall be like his son. And as long as the remains of sin are with us, his love will be coextensive with his discipline, his discipline coextensive with his love. Unrelenting consistency. Proverbs 13, 24, the verse we looked at earlier, underscores this principle. He that loveth his son chasteneth him betimes. And that word betimes, according to the marginal reading, is chasteneth him diligently. In other words, biblical discipline is a discipline that chasteneth him diligently.

46:13 Discipline is not pressure-valved discipline. And again, I've seen people say, well, I spank my kids, but it doesn't do any good. And I've watched, and I know why. The child will start to do something. The parents say, don't do that. They turn away. The child does it. Doesn't bother.

46:30 Ten minutes later, the child's doing something else. And they say, you better do this. And the child doesn't do it. They make nothing of it. Then after the accumulation of about six or seven things, then there's the straw that breaks the camel's back. The pressure goes up beyond the point. Pressure valve begins to strain. And then the parents say, look, I told you to do this, this, this, this, this, and you didn't do it. Now I've had it. And after the kid, they go with words or with the hand or with the belt. They say, see, I tried spanking. It doesn't work. Well, that kind of spanking and discipline, of course, won't work. It's too terribly inconsistent. It'll never work.

47:02 All it'll do is rile up the child. No, there must be unrelenting consistency in the discipline of the children. Let me read from the little booklet that we, distributed for you. Page 12, bold type, inconsistent use of the rod is punishing, not training. And I read, to be consistent is so important. What can be more frustrating to a child than to never know quite what to expect from us? It's our inconsistency as parents that provokes and discourages our children. One day we feel stern and we say no to something. And the next day we feel inconsistent. And we say no to something. And the next day we feel inconsistent.

47:46 We feel indifferent and preoccupied. And in order to save ourselves, the inconvenience will allow them to go ahead or overlook, quote, little disobediences. When we operate with the rod in this way, it becomes something else other than training. It is brute force to make the child cater to our moods. I believe this kind of bullying strengthens their resistance to authority. They are provoked to anger, become discouraged and rebel. We as parents must allow, must discipline ourselves to learn to be a good child. And I read, to be consistent is so important. And I read, to be consistent is so important. And I read, to be consistent is so important. And I read, To follow through each time we speak, but it takes diligence. I'm faced with this personally every time and my situation with a study in the home makes it different than others, but it underscores the principle. If I happen to overhear something going on, my wife may be out to take the hitch and the dog out, or she may be down in the laundry room or in the basement ironing and something's going on with the children where I hear something that I know needs discipline, I'm tempted time and time again to say, oh, well, it's just over a little bit. That's just a little thing.

48:54 And I have this struggle.

48:57 Is this the way to teach them to let little things go by? What is life made up of in any area but the accumulation of little things? Patterns of life are made up of the accumulation of little things. And it's in the little things that the child must learn that your word is law.

49:16 If you say to the child when he's out on the front walk playing, it's time for supper, come in and wash your hands. And that child plays for another three minutes before he comes in. He might as well stand on the sidewalk from his nose at you and go. Now, would you tolerate that?

49:35 I don't think you would. If the child turned around while you're in the doorway saying, come in and wash your hands, it's time for supper. If he turned around, made the gestures at you and went. Why, you'd run after that.

49:48 Kidding, you'd wail the car out of him, wouldn't you? My friend, listen. If he simply looks at you and says, okay, mom, and goes right on playing for three minutes, you should deal with that as forcefully and faithfully as if he stuck his tongue out at you and went. Because it's disobedience.

50:08 Oh, it's very polite and very reserved. But it's nonetheless rebellion to constituted authority.

50:18 Henry Brandt, the Christian psychologist who's had such a fruitful experience, the ministry amongst so many in this area, tells the instance in his neighborhood where there was a little boy and he watched one afternoon. He was out playing and the mother next door called and she said, Johnny. Kid never turned his ear. Never looked.

50:36 Johnny! Went right on like he never heard he could hear. He said he could hear her way, way down the street, all over the block. Third time, Johnny!

50:45 No attention. Fourth time, Johnny! Fifth time, she said, Johnny! Boom!

50:50 Oh, what a kid's snot, too. You see? What did she train that child to do? She had trained that child that there was only a certain tone of voice when she really meant business.

51:01 The rest of the time, she was just sparring.

51:05 What a terrible thing to imbibe in a child. Is it no wonder that that same little Johnny grows up and becomes part of a union that has in its very constitution that there will be no strike as government employees and that that child can hear the orders of a president and a mayor and a governor? And join his fellow workers and walk out on an illegal strike? Where did that all start?

51:32 Right back there with, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. People say things they don't mean. They know that on paper, to conduct an illegal strike by a governing employee is to be brought under the penal strictures of the law. But they don't believe anyone means it.

51:56 Because way back there, there was no such thing as an illegal strike. There was no such thing as an illegal strike. There was no such thing as an illegal strike. Mommy taught the lesson.

52:00 Voices of authority don't mean what they say. And this is how these terrible attitudes that are undermining our society took root and have come to this terrible expression, because there was none of this unrelenting consistency in discipline. Let me read from an old writer who, on the subject of family government, says along this line, keep your word to your children at any cost. I regard the love of truth as lying at the root of all dignity and excellence of character.

52:39 And whenever I see the lack of it in the young, I cannot avoid arguing. Sorry, I cannot avoid. Well, let me skip over that. Never threaten your child in a moment of passion.

52:51 Never make a promise without due thought, lest a calmer moment or more deliberate thought lead you to falsify your word, which would be a misfortune deeply to be deplored. I have sometimes seen a mother who said to her child, if you do this and this, I'll chastise you. The child violates the command, and what does the mother do? Adhere to the truth?

53:10 No. But by repeating the prohibition, she says with increased emphasis, if you do so again, I'll be sure to whip you. Again, the law is broken, for the child is encouraged now to look confidently for the failure of the penalty. And I hear the mother in an angry tone of voice exclaim, why, William, is it possible?

53:30 How dare you disobey me? Upon my word, if I catch you at that again, I'll whip you as sure as you're born. That I will. In a short time, the offense was repeated, and I began to wonder how the good mother would manage this difficulty when, behold, she would not see the offense.

53:47 Strange infatuation and foolish dissembly. It requires no prophet to predict the influence of all this upon the child in future times. The mother's authority is despised because all confidence is lost in her trustworthiness. May I say lovingly but firmly to any parent here, you must raise your voice to gain the obedience of your children.

54:13 You've constructed the principles of parental authority on an entirely wrong foundation. It is not the raised voice of the parent that should bring response, but simply the expression of the parent's will. Period. Let me state it another way.

54:34 If you've got to speak the second time, either to secure, to respond, or to convince the child that you mean what you say, you are building your relationship on a wrong foundation. How many times does God need to say something to let us know he means it? Once? Twice? Three? Four? How many times?

55:00 How many times do we have to say it? Well, if it wasn't clearly understood the first time, this brings us back to this, you see. Make sure that the commands given are clear, the expectations are fully understood. Then, with unrelenting consistency and, dear parents, many times, it is on little issues that the whole basic bent of a child's will will be determined.

55:25 Mrs. Wesley mentioned this in her writings. Mrs. Booth, the wife of the former general of the Salvation Army, mentioned this.

55:35 Let me give the illustration she has here. I have a son who's now preaching the gospel and a great joy to my heart. The only, decided battle I ever fought with him was at ten months old. I do not say that he never disobeyed me afterward.

55:49 He sometimes forgot himself in his disobedience, but I do say that I never remember him setting his will in direct opposition to mine in all the succeeding years of his childhood. That issue at ten months of age was a painful struggle, the first contest, but has not the result paid for it a thousand, thousand times? My mother bore eleven children, she reared ten of us, and she said with most of us there were two or three crucial sessions in the first two years of our lives that set the whole direction and tone of our future spirit. You see, a terrible price we pay when we're wiser than God in this matter. Oh, but that child is so young. That child is so young. That child is just a child of that.

56:42 When God has given us these directions, that in faith we might embrace them, in love, implement them, with unrelenting consistency, consistency, stick with it. For it's not so much the severity of the discipline that really gets the lesson across, but the certainty of it. The certainty. The certainty.

Manner 6: Administering the Rod Proportionately

57:03 Well, the sixth thing, it should always be proportionately. With sufficient firmness, with unrelenting consistency, in the sixth place, it should be proportionately.

57:27 Now, this is how God disciplines us. Some at Corinth were weak, some were sick, some slept. In disciplining David, God says, I'm going to take this very severe measure of taking the life of your child because of the severity of the sin. Because you've given the enemies of God occasion to blaspheme, I'll take the child.

57:51 And as you trace through God's dealings with his children, you see this principle of the proportionate, disciplinary, the rod of God. As one author has said, the rod is medicine, not food. And if you turn medicine into food, you destroy its remedial quality. The parent who, as it were, pounces upon every expression of folly with an equal amount of disciplinary pressure, is failing to save his big guns for the bigger and larger issues.

58:25 Let me illustrate. If a child is given to thoughtlessness, and is naturally an aggressive child, who shoots and then aims, who leaps and then looks later, and that child is told to come to the table, and he or she gets distracted and ends up bouncing the ball for a minute or two, that's disobedience and it must be dealt with. But the parent would be a fool who dealt with that form of disobedience in the same measure as they dealt with a calculated, deliberately planned lie. Now remember how forcibly this lesson was impressed upon me when the first and only time that I caught my son came to light that Joel had lied to me. This was a couple of years ago, and I sat down with him. I'm not saying he didn't lie before. I'm not blind to my children's faults.

59:20 I hope I look at them objectively, and I'm not saying it's the only time he lied. I said it's the only time I was aware of a lie. And according to his word to me, it was the only time he had lied to me up to that point. And I sat down, and opened up the scriptures with him, and I said, Son, look how God looks upon lying.

59:36 And I showed him how God in these commandments says we're not to bear false witness, and how all liars have their part in the lake of fire, and how God is a God of truth, and a lie is a contradiction of his very character. And then I said, Son, up till now, anything you ever told Daddy, Daddy accepted at face value, and that's why we've had such good communication with each other. And I said, Son, if I have reason to think you're not telling me the truth, every last bit of communication, will break down between you and your Daddy. And I said, It will break my heart that it will be true.

60:08 And I said, Daddy's never put the belt on your bottom. I've always spanked with my hand. But that you might never forget how terrible a lie it is, and how terrible it is to give yourself to lie. Daddy's going to lay the belt on your bottom, the first time.

60:23 And I pulled his pants down, and I gave him the belt on the bare skin of his bottom, until I know my wife winced, and I winced, and it left the boy sobbing, for some time to come. My wife went up in the room afterwards, comforted him. I did, and then she did, and the thing that broke in me. Mommy, Daddy says, You'll never be able to communicate with Daddy.

60:45 He said, I don't want that to happen. And so we had to deal with the issue. I never had to do that again for a long time. It's only been one or two other times.

Manner 7: Administering the Rod Prayerfully and in Faith

60:53 And I believe the reason, one of the reasons, why God blessed that administration of the strap on his bottom, was this principle of proportionate discipline. The magnitude, and the terribleness, of cultivating a lying spirit, was enforced by that proportionate discipline. Whereas if the belt were used for every single issue, even the trivial issue, which is an expression of disobedience, that may need to be dealt with, it would lose its enforcing power. And then the last principle, and this I put last, not because it's on the bottom of the list, but because it passed, as it were, its shadow, back over the fold, the manner of our discipline must always be prayerfully and in faith. Scripture tells us in Jeremiah 17, Cursed is the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm. Jesus said in John 15, 5, Without me ye can do nothing. As we considered last Lord's Day morning, to use the means of grace without prayer, and yet to expect blessing, is presumption.

62:12 To pray for a certain end, and not use the God given means, is to tempt God. For the parent who prays, O God convert my children, bring their will subject to you, and fervently pleads for God by the Spirit to save them, and not to use the rod of correction, along with the instruction of the word, and carrying them to the house of God and the rest, that kind of prayer is tempting God. It's prayer without the means. And conversely, if you as a parent seek to implement this means of disciplining God's name in love, within reason, with sufficient firmness, with this unrelenting consistency, with proportionate emphasis, if that is not done in prayer, in the administration of discipline, lifting up your heart to God, as you pray for your children, Lord, bless this means, that you've ordained to drive the foolishness from their hearts, or as we read in another passage in Proverbs, to deliver their soul from hell. If we do not prayerfully and in faith administer the rod, then let us not be surprised if it doesn't have its desired and its designed effect. God has dealt with my heart. I must confess in this area, at times I feel that my desire

63:42 and sense of obedience to these principles has been so uppermost that I thought they would perhaps almost automatically work. If I did these things, the rod would do its work. No. We must plead for God, plead with God for the blessing of His grace and His Spirit upon the administration of the rod and the implementation of this biblical discipline.

Addressing Objections and the Stakes of Biblical Discipline

64:12 Well, I lay before you then those seven principles that in some measure answer the question, what should be the manner of implementing the rod of correction? I can anticipate several questions and objections. Let me clear them away quickly, and then we'll move into our discussion. Question one, are there not other ways to discipline other than the rod of correction and spanking?

64:39 And I would say, I believe, certainly, there probably are. But I would like to quote John R. Rice at this juncture, because I feel what he says expresses my own mind. Someone says, aren't there more effective ways of punishing children than by whipping?

64:57 I answer, I will admit there are times when other punishments seem necessary. No doubt the child who scatters things on the floor should be made to pick them up. And if Sally pulls the hair out of Mary's doll baby, it may be she should give up her own doll to Mary. Sometimes the boy who's not a good boy through the week should not be allowed to go to the picnic on Saturday.

65:18 I say that sometimes the punishment should be directed, directly connected with the offense. And other punishments sometimes ought to be given besides whipping. But the fact remains that whipping has a place that nothing else can fill in rearing children. Reason number one, it is commanded in the Bible.

65:38 The Bible never commands fathers to make their children stand in the corner, to get down from the table, or to go to bed early, or to stay in the house while the other boys play ball. The biggest argument for whipping children is that the Bible plainly commands it. And for a Christian who believes that the Bible is God's word, there is no answer to that argument. And I have to say amen to that.

65:59 I have to say amen to that. But there are good reasons back of God's plan, as is true in every case. For one thing, whipping settles the matter quickly and definitely, and can bring a child to repentance and confession at once. Suppose a child has to stay in after school for a week.

66:16 No teacher knows for sure that the boy will be penitent at the end of the week, honestly sorry for his sins, and will resolve to do better. But a good solid whipping could continue until the will were thoroughly subdued and until the boy penitently promised to do better. After all, no punishment does any good which does not affect the rebellious will of the child. That's the goal, you see.

66:37 And further punishment is not necessary, I believe, after there's a deep-seated resolve to do right and in the heart of the offender a genuine penitence for sin. If little Sally pulled the hair from the head of Mary's doll, then having to give up her own doll might make her all the more resentful, more determined to get even with Sally some other way. A sound spanking at the same time, with proper apologies and some genuine plan of restitution, would be much more likely to fix whatever was wrong in Sally's heart that made her want to pull out Mary's doll's hair. We can safely follow the law.

67:12 We can follow the plain commands of the Bible and know that we're on the right track. That's one objection that I'm sure, a question that comes, and I think that answer is sufficient. Let me close by saying we have great stakes in this matter of biblical administration of the rock. The immediate or temporal stakes are clearly set forth in these passages in Proverbs.

67:39 One says, let's look at them, Proverbs chapter 29, verse 17, the rod and reproof give wisdom. Would you have your child wise? Then there must be the implementation of the rod. If you don't, here are the temporal, the immediate effects.

68:00 A child left to himself causes his mother shame. Verse 17, correct thy son and he will give thee rest. Yea, he will give delight unto thy soul. The parent who properly corrects his child has as the immediate fruit the impartation of heavenly wisdom, learning the lesson that true bliss, true blessedness comes in doing what I ought to do.

68:31 That person has rest, has delight as they see the child take his proper place in his home, in his facet of society and in the church. Conversely, the child left to himself is the child that causes the mother to come to the preachers, wringing the hands and bitterness of tears, saying, what can I do? My child has no respect for me, has no concern for me. What's happened?

68:57 The child was left to himself and now he brings shame and he brings grief. But far worse than the temporal and the immediate stakes, the scripture tells us that if we beat the child, we shall deliver his soul from hell. We shall deliver his soul from hell. We shall deliver his soul from hell.

69:20 Let me give you that reference. It's Proverbs chapter 23, I believe. Yes, verses 13 and 14. Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beat him with the rod, he will not die.

69:41 He may sound like he's dying, but he isn't. That's why the scripture says, let not thy soul spare for his much crying. That's a verse I omitted. I meant to bring that in under sufficient firmness.

69:51 It says the firmness will be enough. Enough for much crying. So if the child hollers like he's dying, he says, don't let your soul spare. He's not going to die.

70:00 No, no, he won't die. But listen, thou shall beat him with the rod and deliver his soul from hell. What a terrible thing to see parents cooperate with the devil in the damnation of their children by withholding the implementation of the law in God's name, in law, within reason, with sufficient firmness to enforce the lesson, with unrelenting consistency, in proportion to the degree of the guilt, in prayerful and in faithful administration of the rod.