Common Failures: w/o Reproof/Affirmations; Excessive Use

Introduction: Common Failures in Physical Chastisement

0:02 How not to foul up the training of your children. This is cassette number 14 in a series given by Pastor Albert N. Martin in the adult Sunday school class of the Trinity Baptist Church on April 14, 1991. Now if you are visiting with us this morning, I'm sure the opening hymn and then the prayer that grew out of the hymn has at least inclined your mind to suspect that we might be dealing in our adult class with something pertaining to the Christian family.

0:35 And that assumption is indeed correct, for we are presently engaged in a series of studies dealing with some crucial biblical directives with respect to the training and the nurture of our children. And the present focus of our study is the matter of the biblical teaching concerning corrective discipline or the sanctified use of the Bible. However, that material we are presently covering assumes all that is gone before with respect to the overall spiritual and emotional climate of the home and the fact established from the word of God that in all of our dealings with our children we are to imitate and reflect God's image as the perfect father of his children. Now having demonstrated from the word of God, I trust proven to the conviction of your conscience first, the absolute necessity of physical chastisement in the nurture of our children. Secondly, the godlike character of physical chastisement in the nurture of our children. Thirdly, the divinely ordained functions of physical chastisement in the nurture of our children.

1:56 And finally, we are presently examining the fourth major category in this discussion, the most common failures in conjunction with the physical chastisement of our children or for the sake of brevity, the rod of correction. Thus far, we've addressed five such common failures. The non-use of the rod of correction, and there we examined carefully three texts in the book of Proverbs. The delaying of the rod of correction, the delayed use of the rod of correction, and there we examined particularly two texts in Proverbs.

2:35 Thirdly, the abortive or incomplete use of the rod of correction, and there we focused upon the threefold purpose of the ordinary confrontation with the rod, namely, to bring the child to repentance for his sin, his act of rebellion, his willful forgetfulness, or the host of other things that may righteously precipitate the use of the rod. Secondly, to bring the will into sweet compliance with the will of the parent. And thirdly, to give a sufficient preventive for a quick repeat of the fault for which discipline was administered. And then we considered the inconsistent use of the rod, and there we looked at a number of passages, and the fifth common failure we considered, was the uncontrolled or unprincipled use of the rod. The rod applied out of passion, out of capriciousness, rather than out of biblical principle with love as its origin of motive, with an enlightened judgment as its framework, and a controlled spirit as its regulator. And dear people, please don't take this, this stuff lightly.

4:00 This has been wrung out of decades of wrestling with this issue, and as I've told some of my colleagues, I have not looked at one line of a note of any previous treatment I've done of this subject, but come back to the word of God afresh with the prayer that God might bring the observation and experience of years to my eyeballs, and an increased sensitivity to the witness of Scripture. Please don't take these things as, as the oracle, as though I am claiming inspiration like a prophet, but I do believe that the teaching of the word of God with which all of the assertions have been buttressed, conditioned by years of pastoral and parental observation and personal experience of the rod applied to me in my formation, that though there may be in some areas imbalance due to imperfect vision, there may be omission due to the same, I believe by and large these principles stand the test of a, a fair exposure to the word, and I trust you will lay them to heart. Now, in the time that is allotted today, we're going to take up two more of the common failures in the use of the rod.

Failure #6: The Isolated or Detached Use of the Rod (The 'Invalid if Detached' Principle)

5:25 I'd hoped to cover all four, but when I looked at the material, and worked it out into my final notes, I said it's only realistic to think that I will cover two more. And the sixth common failure in the use of the rod is what I am designated as the isolated or detached use of the rod of correction. Now, why have I used these two words, isolated or detached? Well, isolated means to set apart from others, to place alone.

5:57 Detached means to unfasten, to separate or remove, to disconnect or disengage. I detached my wrist, my watch from my wrist. I separated it from it. Therefore, what I'm concerned to address under this heading is the fact that the biblical doctrine concerning the use of the rod sets before us a rod of correction, which always has a prefix, and a suffix.

6:29 Surprise you, I didn't draw a circle, but a rectangle, all right? Here's the rod of correction. And according to the scriptures, the rod of correction is always to have a prefix, and it is always to have a suffix, assuming that we're reading from right to left and not have a Hebrew mindset going from, I mean, from left to right, not right to left. And the biblical doctrine of the rod is that the actual application, the application of the instrument of physical chastisement upon a child is always to have a prefix.

7:06 A prefix in the construction of words is that which goes before the body of the word. A prefix, a suffix, is that which comes after the heart or the root or the body of the word and is placed at the end. And trying to simplify this in a way that will help you to conceptualize it and to have it ready, and to have it at hand in the administration of the use of the rod, I felt the prefix suffix imagery taken from the construction of words might be most helpful. And over the biblical doctrine of the rod with its prefix and its suffix is written words, invalid if detached.

7:49 I can remember one time being, having purchased or being given a bunch of coupons. I forgot what they were for, but they had to either do with railroad passes, or bridge tolls, and on each one was stamped invalid if detached from booklet. In other words, you couldn't tear one out and show up at the toll booth or when the conductor came by and just hand in that. You had to have it attached to the entire book or otherwise it was invalid.

8:17 God says with regard to everything that is promised as a blessing of God upon the use of the rod as a means of nurturing our children, invalid, if detached. And therefore I want to address this common failure in the use of the rod, namely the isolated or the detached use of the rod. An application of the rod to a child in which either the prefix has been cut off or the suffix has been cut off or both have been cut off. And over such use of the rod, God writes, invalid if detached.

The Prefix: Instruction and Validation from God's Word

9:02 Now then, let me open up the concept. The issue addressed now and unfolded. Proverbs 29.15 clearly tells us that the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself causes shame to his mother.

9:26 It is the rod, coupled with reproof, that imparts wisdom. Not the rod detached from reproof, not reproof detached from the rod. And furthermore, as we saw in our word study of the Greek word, Paideia, and the verb Paiduo, the very concept of training or teaching or instruction and the parallel word in the Hebrew, brings together the concept of the rod and instruction indicating that the biblical doctrine of the rod is not a doctrine that could with equal efficiency be applied to brute beasts. We are not using the rod upon the back of stubborn donkeys, nor upon dumb cows who may need a switch in order to walk down the ramp into their proper stanchion. A stubborn, stubborn heifer, the Bible likens his people, and some farmers have known what stubborn heifers are and what they must do at times to get a cow used to going into her stanchion after she's dropped her first calf and she now becomes a milking cow. There are sometimes problems, but you see the biblical doctrine of the rod is not the doctrine of the rod in conjunction with brute beasts,

10:53 but with rational image bearers, with children, who have mental faculties, who have moral faculties of conscience and of will and of affections, et cetera. Now then, let me be specific. In the isolated or detached use of the rod, having explained my words, having tried to focus from a biblical standpoint the issue before us, let me say two things, and I've chosen my words carefully. First of all, the use of the rod, this is our prefix now, the use of the rod should ordinarily be preceded by the instruction and validation of the Word of God. The use of the rod, notice I didn't say must always be, no, I said should ordinarily be. All right, now if I choose my words carefully, please interpret them carefully. Tell me you got in trouble last week, and you took some strong words I said about music in the house of God, and you put an interpretation upon them that I never intended.

12:09 Mr. Hushon said, Amen, in his heart, and he said he would have belled out an amen audibly, had it been appropriate. I was not knocking the use of accompaniment in the praise of God. I was not giving a general condemnation of the use of an organ.

12:24 And if you had listened carefully, you would have known that. What? I was knocking. Knocking was the use of any accompaniment that drowns out what God requires of his people, their glorious praise, and makes the instrument dominant, and therefore showy and detracts from the centrality of God's glory.

12:46 And I was not knocking instruments as such, but I said they have their proper place for show, and that is the concert hall and not the house of God. And now listen carefully, please, as I've chosen the words carefully, the rod should ordinarily be preceded by the instruction and validation of the word of God. Now why is this so? Well, when you administer the rod, you are acting under the government of God.

13:16 You have a stewardship over your children in general, and a stewardship of the rod in particular. You are not about to apply the rod because you're bigger, you're stronger, you're older, you're wiser. You are applying the rod primarily because you have a stewardship from God, which you judge demands the application of the rod of correction for the nurture and the well-being of your child. And therefore, if you are to carry the conscience of your children, in the application of discipline, you must, under ordinary circumstances, seek to bring the word of God upon that session with the rod. And what you must seek to do is, number one, convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved in this instance. Convince the judgment of the child Convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved in this instance. Convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved in this instance.

14:25 Convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved in this instance. rod is deserved in this instance. That means you're going to have to say to your child, now, son, what did you do? Well, I did this and this, daddy. All right. Now, did you know that you should not do that? Yes. How did you know? Because, daddy, you told me. And what did daddy say would happen if you did that? I would be spanked. And why did you do it? Well, I forgot. Why did you forget? Or I did it because I wanted to. In other words, you pursue the issue until you convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved. Listen carefully to an old Puritan speaking in the 1600s at six o'clock in the morning to a bunch of people gathered to have their consciences directed by the Scripture. In practical matters. Thirdly, first, you should do as God did with our first parents convict him of his nakedness, that is, show him the evil of his lying, his railing, his

15:39 idleness or other faults, which he is chargeable with as opposite to the word of God and prejudicial to his own soul, and that he is made to smart for the cure of this evil, which parents may let him do. Let their children know they dare not suffer to remain longer uncorrected since delays may prove dangerous to the patient if the rod be withheld. Listen to Wardlaw in his commentary on Proverbs so that you will, I trust, be convinced that this is no novel judgment of my own. In volume one of his masterful three volumes on this whole matter of.

16:24 He says, the propriety of always preceding or accompanying chastisement with convincing the offender of his fault. Show him seriously and affectionately why you chastise him. If you feel yourself at a loss to do this, you may be very sure you are doing wrong. Correction must never either be or appear to be a mere arbitrary display of personal authority. You must come with a warrant from God in your pocket when you go into the room with the rod. Just because the policeman shows up at my house, I don't let him put the cuffs on me. I say, show me the warrant for my arrest. The blue suit doesn't give you the right to

17:22 put the cuffs on me. I say, show me the warrant for my arrest. The blue suit doesn't give you the right to put the cuffs on me. I say, show me the warrant for my arrest. The blue suit doesn't give you the right to put the cuffs on me. And the fact that your mama and papa doesn't give you the unqualified right to lay the rod on the back side of your child, where's your warrant? If you have a real one, show it to your child. So here's the warrant from the word of God according to the facts. You say, Pastor, if I do that, it's going to take time. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. But how dare you give the impression that that you act with unilateral, unqualified, inherent authority to administer the rod. You don't. You don't. That's turning the rod into tyranny.

18:10 So the prefix must be convincing the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved. Secondly, elicit from the child the fact that you must obey God in the use of the rod. Thirdly, elicit from the child the fact that you must obey God in the use of the rod. For example, having established that the rod is deserved, you then say to your son or daughter, Now, sweetheart, what does God say Daddy must do?

18:42 Well, Daddy must spank me. Why? Because God says, if you don't, I'll bring you shame. God says, if you don't, you hate me.

18:53 God says, If you leave me to myself, it's not good for me. In other words, sweetheart, then, if Daddy's to obey God, even though Daddy would rather not do it, Daddy must spank you to obey God? Yes. And why must Daddy obey God?

19:11 Because you love God. And if you love God, you're going to obey God, Daddy. You say, you serious? Yes, I am serious, and this is in theory.

19:21 I can teach these things with my own children sitting here. It takes time. But, dear people, this is molding the character of a never-dying soul.

19:41 This great means of grace must not be treated lightly. Listen to old Baxter, writing back in the 1600s, long before the so-called expert child psychologist, and long before historians gave the Puritans a bad name, and represented them as a bunch of hard-on-feeling, narrow-spirited, cruel people. Well, listen to Baxter. He says, In disciplining your children, always show them the tenderness of your love, and how unwilling you are to correct them.

20:15 If they could be reformed any easier way, and convince them you do it for their good, make them read those texts of Scripture which condemn their sin, and then those which command you to correct them. As, for example, if lying be their sin, turn them first to Proverbs 7.22, lying lips. They are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are his delight.

20:40 And then he gives a few other texts. Then he says this, And then turn the child to Proverbs 13.24, Proverbs 19.15, Proverbs 22.15, Proverbs 23.13 and 14. Ask him, after reading these texts, he quotes the five pivotal texts in Proverbs on the use of the rod. He says, have the child read them to you.

21:04 If he's old enough to read, have the kid read them. If he's not, you read them to the child. Ask him whether he would have you by sparing him to disobey God and hate him and destroy his soul. And when his reason is convinced of the reasonableness of correcting him, it will be the more successful.

21:26 Are you doing that with your kids? Are you just coming in all with your face red and grabbing the kid and going...

21:32 The rod is not a self-interpreting instrument of character formation. It must have a priest. It must have a preface. And the preface is the instruction from the Word of God in which you convince the judgment of the child that the rod is deserved and elicit from the child the fact that you must, to obey God, implement the rod of correction.

The Suffix: Mutual Affirmation of Love and Concrete Expressions of Goodwill

22:03 But then, the use of the rod, secondly, should ordinarily be followed. That's the preface. What's the suffix? What should come after in a comprehensive doctrine of the rod?

22:14 The rod should ordinarily be followed by the mutual affirmation of love and some appropriate concrete expressions of closeness and goodwill. Now again, I've labored over my words carefully. Listen to them. The use of the rod should ordinarily...

22:40 Not in every single instance, but ordinarily be followed by the mutual affirmation of love. Not only you affirming your love to the child, but the child affirming his love to you.

22:57 And some appropriate... Notice I'm not saying what it is.

23:03 Hugs? Kisses? I said some appropriate concrete expression of closeness and goodwill.

23:15 God's chastening has as its constant accompaniment the affirmations of his goodwill. Psalm 89, 31 to 33. We go back to that pivotal passage, which is so central in any biblical doctrine of the rod. If they break my statutes, keep not my commandments, I'll visit their transgressions with the rod, their iniquity with stripes, but my loving kindness will I not utter, take from him, nor suffer my faithfulness to fail.

23:47 God affirms, if you step aside, I'll chastise, but I'll not withdraw my love. And God manifests in concrete ways that he's not withdrawn his love.

24:02 And this very perspective casts its shadow over the very structure of church discipline. I was struck with this when in our own devotions, my wife and I are going through 2 Corinthians right now, in chapter 2, when Paul writes to the church with respect to the response to either the first letter or the severe letter that is a lost letter, according to most Bible scholars. This is what he says with regard to the man who was brought to repentance, verse 6 of chapter 2. Sufficient to such a one is this punishment, which was inflicted by the many, so that contrary, why?

24:46 You should rather forgive him and comfort him, lest by any means such a one should be swallowed up with his overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you to confirm your love to him. Punishment has brought about its desired effect. Now, confirm your love.

25:10 There's the divine pattern. I will visit with the rod. Nevertheless, I'll not take away, my loving kindness. Punishment has been afflicted by the many.

25:21 Confirm your love. And so what I am saying is that the use of the rod as its suffix should ordinarily be followed by, number one, the mutual affirmation of love. You see, one of the great benefits of this affirmation of love, parent to child, child to parent, it is not only like God, but it keeps the spirit of Colossians 3, 21 and 6, 4, Ephesians 6, 4, dominant in the use of the rod. Fathers, do not provoke your children that they become dispirited.

26:03 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger. If the real purpose of the rod is to bring the child to repentance, the sweet compliance of his will, to parental will, and to put within him an aversion to have a repeat performance, one of the most certain indices of whether or not that end has been accomplished is if the child will throw himself limp into your arms, put his arms around your neck, and through his tears say, I'm sorry, Daddy. I won't do that again. I love you, Daddy.

26:42 And you comfort the child and say, I love you, son. I love you, sweetie. Daddy loves you. Daddy didn't like to get that spanking, but Daddy had to as we saw from the Word of God.

26:53 You see, if you've only spanked the child enough to make him petulant, he won't say, I love you. Joy is set. The rod is just provoking him to anger and is not conquering his will. You get into the practice of having the child affirm his love, cup his hands, his face in your hands, or her face, and say, now you look, Daddy or Mommy, straight in the eyes, and you tell me, God, who knows your heart.

27:22 Can you really say you love Daddy? Even after Daddy spanked you. And you get after a while, God gives you discernment. Sure, I know kids can calm the wisest of parents, but as a general rule, you learn to pick up the signals that indicate that there's real penitence for the wrong done and that the will is sweetly submissive.

27:43 And at that point, the thought of a repeat performance is very, very distasteful. They can still feel the smart, but they're behind, even while you're wiping away the tears from their eyes. Establish, then, in ordinary cases, the suffix of the rod, which is the affirmation of love and some appropriate concrete expression of closeness and goodwill. Now it may not be, as a child gets older, that he feels comfortable to be hugged and rocked in a rocking chair like he did or she did when she was seven or eight.

28:22 And with an older child, one of the ways you can affirm in a concrete way, after you've gone through a session like this, and you've verbally expressed your love one to another, you can say, if you're a dad and the time is appropriate, you say, come on, son, let's go out for a walk or let's go out and shoot some hoops. What you're saying is, I want to be with you. I've had to wail the tar out of you, but I love you and I accept you and I want to be with you. You do something that affirms to the child, that the rod has not raised a barrier between you and your child.

28:59 And then you monitor his response to make sure that the rod has not raised a barrier of resentment between the child and you. You see? You say, Pastor, you can't be serious. You sound like you're really serious.

Repentance for Isolated/Detached Use of the Rod

29:14 I know you are. Dear people, I'm dead serious. It is ungodly simply to will the rod, uninterpreted by the prefect, and suffix of the word of God. It is ungodly.

29:32 It is not like God. Invalid. It's detached. And how much detached, isolated use of the rod have I seen in my lifetime?

29:49 And you say, Pastor, what do I do if I recognize that I've often implemented the rod without the divinely ordained prefix and suffix? What do I do? Go home today and sit your kids down and say, God gave me light. And you repent here and now before God.

30:07 And before you leave the dinner table today and go for your nap, repent before your kids and say, I intend to do differently from here on in. Repent of all the times. Ask God to forgive you. Ask him to cleanse you.

30:22 Go home and humble yourself before your children. Beg their forgiveness. Don't just say, I'm sorry. Say, I sinned against you, honey.

30:31 I sinned against you, son. God's given me light. I've asked his forgiveness. Will you forgive me?

30:37 And they'll leave the table till they say, Daddy, I do forgive you. And then get your kids to be your monitors. And you take and take some of this material and get it down to where they can understand it. And you say, if I ever come at you with a rod and I don't have a prefix and a suffix, look up into my face and say, Daddy, you got the rod, but there'd been no prefix.

31:02 You used the rod, Daddy, but no suffix. Make your kids your own monitor. Then you'll teach them, train their consciences. They'll never be suckers for abuse from spiritual leaders in their adulthood who just manipulate and pummel people into subjection with a rod-like rule.

31:22 You let your kids know that if you deviate from the word of God, you're fair game for their, not cheeky, but their real rebukes. Thank God for the times my kids have been my Nathan. Father, where's my dignity? Ah, stomp on any dignity that withers before a rebuke of a child.

31:46 It's carnal dignity. Bury it in Christ's grave. Don't resurrect it. Well, that's the isolated use of the rod.

Failure #7: The Excessive Use of the Rod

31:59 Now then, number seven. The excessive use of the rod is a common failure in the application of the rod of correction. The excessive use of the rod. What harm has been done to children by this failure?

32:18 What unnecessary prejudice against the Biblical doctrine of the rod because of failure in this area? Now, by excessive use of the rod, I mean simply the use of the rod beyond what is warranted and necessary for the ends for which the rod was given. Why was the rod given? To drive out folly.

32:40 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction drives it far from him. Well, if given in countenance, the future folly is addressed and driven out to go beyond what is necessary to deal with that expression of folly is an excessive use of the rod. It is given to impart wisdom, to subdue the will, and all of these other things we've studied.

33:03 The excessive use of the rod is any use that goes beyond the accomplishment of its divinely intended goals. And I want to focus upon two forms of excess in the time that remains. Excessive as to the occasions of its use and excessive as to the degree or measure of its use. All right?

Excessive as to the Occasions of its Use

33:28 Excessive as to occasions and degree. First of all, excessive as to the occasions of its use. Some resort to the rod for all deviations from parental will. When a rebuke, a raised eyebrow, or a pointed finger, would win the day.

33:49 My friend, if snapping your finger, getting your child's attention, and going like this will bring his will into line, to use the rod is excessive. It's excessive. It's excessive. And you've got to stop that.

34:07 Some of you, in your reaction against your own upbringing, with which you struggle to this day, say, my kids aren't going to be in the mess I'm in. Am I in the mess I'm in because there was never the use of the rod? You've gone clean through a balanced concept as though the rod were the beginning, middle, and end of the molding and training of your children. But it is not.

34:28 Others use the rod for issues that are not matters of a rebellious will or willful forgetfulness or other rod-worthy offenses. But they're just part of being a child. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, When I was a child, I fought as a child. I felt, I acted as a child.

34:46 A child is a child. And part of a child maturing in the totality of his God-given humanity is that eye-to-hand coordination is not in a child, particularly in a teenager, what it will be in a fully matured, average, normal adult. I want to ask you a very simple question. Do any of you believe that Jesus could have been reared in the large family in a small peasant home and never spilled his milk at the dinner table?

35:16 How many of you believe that Jesus never spilled his milk? How many believe when Jesus was helping Mary with the dishes, he never dropped a clay vessel and broke it on the floor? Oh, it's broken, Mom. Was he the sinless Son of God?

35:34 Yes or no? Yes, sinless Son of God. But no doubt he spilled his milk more than once. And no doubt he dropped a clay pot or a vessel more than once.

35:49 But it wasn't sin. It wasn't rebellion. It was ordinary human frailty. It was ordinary human pre-teen, mid-teen lack of eye-to-hand coordination.

36:08 And some of you have heard me say quite frequently, it was a famous saying in my home from my father, the only time I heard my proper name, I was sunny till I was 22, except, except when I spilled water or milk. And I did it in those teen years when my appendages outgrew everything else in the space of about two years. And I went from age 11 or 12 to age 15, came to my mature height, to just under six feet. And I've stayed just at about six feet for the rest of my life, probably in the shrinking stage now.

36:42 But I'd go reach. I was sure my hand was going straight in an unobstructed way to the bowl of beans. But on the way, it caught the edge of the milk glass. The air went all over the table.

36:58 Probably four out of seven meals every week, till my poor father would sit at the end of the table and say, Albert, you've got a gift. And the Lord hadn't saved me and I hadn't begun to preach, so he wasn't talking about preaching, I assure you. Albert, you've got a gift. But I'm thankful he had sense enough not to spank me, because he recognized, though it exasperated him, that some of that was part of the awkwardness of my teenage physiology.

37:35 And you see, it's an excessive use of the rod when you spank a child for poor coordination. If that's a warrant for spanking, one of your elders should have had his behind warmed Thursday night. He spilled apple juice all over the new rug in my family room. But because he's the oldest elder, I said, it's the beginning of old age deterioration of eye-to-hand coordination.

38:14 I had pity upon him, and I mocked it up myself. Now I think a little wholesome laughter's been good, because I know I've been very serious this morning, and it's not been affected seriousness, dear people. This stuff has burned its way into my gut. And I feel that issues are at stake in this area this morning, in these two crucial areas, which if we do not lay hold of them by the grace and power of God, and with honesty and humiliation before God, and our children, and in the power of the Spirit, begin to implement these adjustments, great tragedies, I fear, will come.

38:55 Excessive as to the occasions. Listen to Bridges with the wisdom that he displays throughout all of the writings that he's left us. Listen to Bridges on page 430 with respect to Proverbs 23, 15 and 16. Let it not be used at all times, that is, the rod.

39:22 Let remonstrance be first tried, that is, verbal reproof and admonition. Our Heavenly Father never stirs the rod with His children if His gentle voice of instruction prevails. Continual finding fault, applying correction to every slip of childish trifling or troublesome thoughtlessness, would soon bring a callous deadness to all sense of shame. Let it be reserved, at least in its more serious forms, for willfulness.

39:56 The rod is medicine, not food. The remedy for the occasional diseases of the body, not the daily regimen for life and nourishment. And to convert medicine into daily food gradually destroys its remedial qualities. As the human body would build up resistance to many medications if used as food, so Bridges said, you can build up in the child a resistance to the rod by the excessive use of the rod.

40:30 Listen to Wardlaw again on page 361. He says, A fault I would have you remember that justifies punishment should involve the manifestation of some evil, of some evil disposition. In every other case, correction is wrong, and the parent who inflicts it would himself be a fitter subject for it. To illustrate my meaning, then he says, Some people discipline a child for what is innocent, childish expressions of good health and vigor.

41:12 They expect a child to act like a marine who is trained to stand on a parade ground for three hours in 100 degrees sun and not budge even if he faints over dead. You don't treat a child that way. And then he goes on to say, in areas where there is a matter of lack of coordination, he said, you'd be punishing your child for exhibiting nature's indications of health, which it should rather please you to see as young people are seldom well when dull and disciplined to romping and active exercise. Again, evil is sometimes done in ignorance.

41:52 And then he gives a beautiful illustration. He says, A little kid, he sees what to him is just a piece of paper that'll make the fire in the fireplace glow. So he crumples it up and throws it in. And later on, the mother comes in and says, Where's the $20 bill that I laid on the coffee table?

42:11 Is it paper? Paper? Fire! Fire!

42:15 The child didn't know it was just a piece of paper. You hadn't instructed the child. You are never under any circumstances to throw anything into the fire. Now, if the child had been trained, then that would be a matter of willfulness.

Excessive as to the Degree or Measure of its Use

42:27 But if not, that's excessive. But then quickly, in the eight or so minutes that remain, excessive as to the degree or measure. If the ends can be gained with a sharp slap on the hand, why pull down the diaper and get the paddle or the spoon on the behind? This is why I don't like those who legislate and almost pontificate.

42:53 We should never use the hand because the hand is the instrument for... Wait a minute, go back to God.

42:58 God speaks of His hand as both plucking the tears off the cheeks of His people and as stretched out against His people. So, the hand can be an instrument of entreaty and the rest, and this is nonsense. I don't buy it because I don't see it in the Word of God and I don't see it carried out. When a child, before you can begin to verbally go through all of the preface and suffix, when you're beginning to train the child, that not everything he can see and touch and desires to see and touch, he has a right to touch, he will learn the meaning of the word no and a sharp strike on the hand.

43:36 No, violated, means strike on the hand and the child will get the message very, very quickly. Now why pull down the diaper and smack him when the issue is that hand has reached out to touch a forbidden object. It's reached up to pull the tablecloth and pull it down. He must learn that he can't pull tablecloths down.

43:56 She must learn that. The minute they touch it, no touch. They reach out again, daddy, mummy, say no touch. They reach up to touch it again, no touch.

44:08 Cry and reach up again, no touch. And they'll stop. They'll get the message. And if the slap on the hand will do it, why do you need to pull the diaper down and give the spoon?

44:21 They may not even make the connection at that stage. You see, that's why you've got to be careful with these rule makers. I know some of you want me to write a 700-page manual. I won't do it.

44:30 You need the principles. You need to be full of the Word of God, full of the Holy Ghost, and cry for wisdom. And then burn all the manuals that give you all the details. And do it this way, this way, this way, this way, this way.

44:46 No, no, no. No two children are the same. And you have the Word of God which is able to make us competent for every good work. So if the ends can be gained by a sharp slap on the hand, why take off the diaper?

45:05 If one swap with the paddle can bring the child to repentance, submission, and a resolution not to do it again, why give him six? If one accomplishes it, why give him six? Just as the incomplete youths don't give him three, if it only stiffens him, you may have to give him thirty till the ends are accomplished. But once they're accomplished, stop.

45:38 Once the cry of the child is indicative not of anger, defiance, or bluffing, then you stop. And you get to know the cries of your children. You know the cry of anger. You know the cry of defiance.

45:53 You know the bluffing cry. When we try that, we start crying for some reason. We got our spankings. My folks didn't have any books but the Bible.

46:00 Thank God they had that and had the Holy Ghost. And they didn't embarrass us by spanking us in front of the other kids. And the only private place was the bathroom. We were like the old woman in the shoe.

46:10 Had so many kids, she didn't know what to do. The only private place in our house was the bathroom. And the bedroom wasn't private because we all shared bedrooms. So we'd go upstairs to the bathroom.

46:21 And while Dad locked the door, you had to pull down the shade. That was the ritual. Vivid in my mind. A long, narrow bathroom.

46:28 You go and you pull down the shade. Didn't want the neighbors to see. Had good sense in that. Well, if you started wailing before you got smacked, he said, now you're going to get smacked for wailing for nothing.

46:38 So you're going to get some strokes for that uncontrolled wailing that had no cause. And then you're going to get the strokes for the thing you did do that demanded the spanking. Now where'd they get the wisdom to know to do that? They got it from God.

46:54 And they got it from His Word. And once, the crying was the cry of true repentance. And out of that came the sweet compliance with the will. And you all know the saying that I've made rather well known around here.

47:09 Give him some more, Dad. He isn't sweet yet. Then the spanking ceased. And it's excessive to go beyond that.

47:18 It's to be unlike God. He does not afflict willingly, the Scripture says. And some of you get carried away because it is not a controlled spirit that is governing the use of the rod. It's your own uncontrolled spirit.

Repentance for Excessive Use of the Rod

47:35 And once you get into it, the more you get into it, the more you're into it. And your spirit is out of control. You ought to be spanked in place of the child. You say, well what do I do when I realize in a given situation I've used the rod excessively, even as, either as to the occasion or the degree.

47:55 You do exactly what I've urged you to do with respect to this matter of what I entitled the isolated or the detached use of the rod. You could go to your child and confess and tell them Daddy sinned. Daddy spanked you today. Daddy convinced you you needed a spanking and that Daddy had to spank you.

48:19 But Daddy spanked you beyond what you deserved. And every stroke I put on you beyond what you deserved was Daddy's sin, not yours. Will you forgive Daddy? Because Daddy does love you.

48:32 And Daddy doesn't want to abuse you. Daddy wants to be like God. Will you forgive Daddy? You know what I'm almost tempted to do?

48:40 I won't do it. I'm almost tempted to ask you fathers right now. How many of you know as a practice in your home what I'm talking about? But I won't ask you to raise your hand.

48:51 But God knows. You know. And listen. Your kids know.

48:58 They know. They know. And what does God know? What do you know?

49:09 What do your kids know? God resists the proud. If you're too proud to confess your sins of the excessive use of the rod to your kids, God will resist you and will neutralize all the blessings He's promised. Maybe not neutralize all of them.

49:27 He's a gracious God. But you tempt Him to neutralize all the blessings promised to the use of the rod. Listen to Bridges again. Some parents indeed use nothing but correction.

49:41 They indulge their own passions at the expense of their less guilty children. Unlike our Heavenly Father, they afflict and grieve their children willingly. And he quotes Lamentations 3.33.

49:56 They vent their own anger, not seek to subdue their children's sins. Self-recollection is of great importance. Am I about to correct for my child's good? An intemperate use of this scriptural ordinance brings discredit upon its efficacy and sows the seed of much bitter fruit.

50:19 Children become hardened under an iron rod. Sternness and severity of manner close up their hearts. It is most dangerous to make them afraid of us. A spirit of bondage and concealment is engendered, often leading to a lie, sowing the seed of hypocrisy, nay, sometimes of disgust and even of hatred toward their unreasonable parents.

Call to Wisdom, Time, and Repentance

50:47 If parents set away from their children for the sake of their children, they would not correct their children except in a praying frame. When they can lift up their hands without wrath, it would neither provoke God nor their children. Dear brothers and sisters, I beg of you to cry to God for grace with respect to this matter. And if you ask me, how am I to know what is a just occasion and a just measure?

51:19 You need wisdom. And to get that wisdom, you need to let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. You need to be full of the Holy Spirit. Paul's command in Ephesians 5.18 to be filled with the Spirit precedes the command, Fathers, provoke not your children but nurture them. And you must cry to God for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. And then, if your objection is but, Pastor, to take the rods of God, to take the rod so serious, it's going to take time. I'm going to have to sit down and think and pray.

51:55 Yes! You've got to be concerned with something more than making money and something more than the evening news and something more than your newspaper and something more than all the other things that clutter up your life. And you're going to have to take time in order to administer the rod in a righteous and sanctified way. And I beg of you on this Lord's Day, that if God has shed light that has shown your sin, don't make some distant, nebulous, undefined resolve somewhere, somehow out there, I hope to do.

52:32 No, sitting there right now, say, O God, the entrance of Your Word has given light. You've shown my sin. Lord, have mercy upon me for he that confesses his sin shall obtain mercy. And determine right now and tell your wife between church and Sunday school, honey, don't let me off the hook.

52:54 Don't let me dismiss the kids from the table today until I confess my sin. And you may have to say to your wife, honey, we've got to get our act together. And I need to have you as a monitor to me. And this is why it's so vital we go back to our previous lessons that the climate between husband and wife be true oneness.

53:16 I thank God for my wife's monitoring, monitoring of my use of the rod and my monitoring of her use. But we could do that with confidence because we were committed to the same standard. This isn't just going to happen, folks. May God grant it by His grace.

53:37 We'll take the Word to heart and make whatever adjustments need to be made to be found in the way of righteousness. And remember, the blood of Jesus who spilled His milk and dropped a pot once or twice, probably, cleanses from all sin. Even the sins in conjunction with the isolated use of the rod where it's had no brief-its in suffix and the excessive use of the rod, excessive as to occasions or to measure, to the extent we have sinned, the blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin. And then, as we think of the magnitude of the task, my grace is sufficient for thee.

Prayer

54:20 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Let's pray together. Our Father, how we thank You for Your Holy Word. We thank You that it is a lamp unto our feet and a light to our pathway.

54:40 And we pray that with respect to these matters of the failures in the use of the rod, You would give us light and grace to yield to that light. May we not be those described in Your Word, He that doeth evil hates the light, neither will he come to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved. But may we be those who are described as continually coming to the light, that we may have our deeds known for what they are. O Lord, bless our study today.

55:17 May Your Spirit endow every parent and grandparent and single man or woman in this place with a clearly taught, Bible-based, Spirit-inwrought doctrine of the rod. O Lord, have mercy. Have mercy, we pray. Forgive our many failures and wash us in the blood of Christ and strengthen us by the grace of Christ that we may honor You in this sacred stewardship.

55:51 We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

Closing

56:23 Row 4-5